What was the state of your house on mat leave???

[Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmy]

I have a very active 1 year old. She so strong and moves fast. She needs to be watched 24/7.
I’m on maternity leave (finishing soon) and he is disappointed that I don’t manage to keep the house clean and tidy.
I also wish I could keep it in better order. But I’m cooking her meals, changing, and caring for her and I just really struggle.
I just want to know if other mums have lovely clean tidy homes (and if so how) or if everyone struggles and I’m not the only one.

YABU- it’s easy to keep house nice with toddler.
YANBU- it’s impossible, mine was a shit show also.

It depends on the child.

My first was quite happy to entertain himself but needed me to be nearby.

My second is very happy to entertain herself but is same as yours, very active and moves fast. Gets into everything she shouldn't.

My mat leave is up next week and looking back on the last year I have wondered wtf I have been doing.

But I also know that if I think about it, I'll realise I've been caring for my baby almost 24/7 and the house had to take a backseat.

That's not to say my house is filthy. But yes it gets untidy (usually as soon as it's tidy) and yes I get crumbs on the kitchen floor etc. It's life with a baby.

I am envious of those who are able to keep on top of everything but I'm just not built that way and I'm starting to make peace with that 😁

He needs to start participating with him living in the house and all. It’s a joint responsibility to clean/tidy.
It doesn’t necessarily get any easier and can get harder when you go back to work. For us it was definitely easier to keep on top of things when I was on mat leave than when we were both working full time.

To add:

"he is disappointed that I don’t manage to keep the house clean and tidy."

Tell him to book a couple of weeks off work when you're back at work and show you how it's done.

He'll have a newfound respect for you and won't be disappointed ever again!!

It was definitely messier but not horrific and it still looked somewhat presentable.

You learn to keep on top of things and find a routine as they get older. I've just had my second and finding it so much easier to keep on top of things because I've mastered a routine!

Same here. A tidy house and daily showers were a must. My mom always advised getting stuff done during the baby’s nap time and though I just wanted to nap then too, it was advice that worked.

One of the things I always remember from the Bounty book is that babies will cry, and that’s okay - ensure they are safe, clean and fed and step away to catch your breath.

I also believe in allowing them space and time to entertain themselves, so you can get something done.

It was pretty clean and tidy and I was ribbed mercilessly by my NCT group for this. I'm naturally tidy and my partner is good at helping, especially in the evenings when he'd get the children ready for bed leaving me downstairs to clean and tidy up.

@nutbrownhare15 has the right idea. Take yourself off for the weekend (if you can make sure to pick a weekend where baby is teething or feeling particularly velcro-ey) then moan at all the jobs DH hasn't done on your return. The tune will soon change. Also if DH is so bothered then he needs to pay for a cleaner or pull his own finger out and clean. It's maternity leave not cleaning leave.

The house was a mess before I gave birth as I had very severe sickness and really struggled to get out of bed so most of the cleaning fell to DH in the few weeks before birth. 1 EMCS and another couple of weeks of rest required to heal meant DH was in charge of the cleaning (he has much lower standards than me). I was just starting to get on top of it when DD became velcro and wouldn't nap or do anything but be held. Then weeks and weeks of sleep regression meant I was a zombie. Then DD became very mobile and was a nightmare. We got a cleaner when she decided napping was no longer required.

Mine was pretty tidy 90% of the time. DD was very active but we did not have masses of toys which helped. We also went out A LOT - even just a walk to the postbox/swings or to feed the duck every day. She napped every day for two hours until nearly 2.5 which made a huge difference, I could get the house (2 bed semi) spotless in an hour and still manage to squeeze in an episode of Judge Judy.

Dc1 was very placid and I could have easily replastered the whole house and she would just be happy to watch. Dc2 however wouldn't sleep and wailed every time I put him down for months on end. I could barely clean myself never mind the house.

Our house has rarely been completely tidy since having kids…. They’re now 5 & 9!

we clean but there’s always stuff everywhere, as quick as we put things away more stuff appears.

we both work f/t and by the time the kids are in bed we have minimal time left and are exhausted! Cleaning is prioritised and we tidy constantly but it’s usually a mess.

Oh and while I was on maternity leave, I did very little housework during the day. DH or I would do it when he was home while other looked after dc.

Mine is show homey, but we have a cleaner twice a week. DH and I are particularly tidy/clean people and our DCs seem to have inherited it 😂 Best advice is to declutter and have good organisation/ storage. If everything has a home it’s much easier to keep on top of things.

I'm on mat leave now. House is very clean but sometimes can be untidy. Just clean washing that needs to be put away sitting on the table longer than it should that sort of thing. People keep giving me things as well which I do appreciate but with not much storage it can be a bit annoying.

Mine was ok. Not spotless but clean enough and I always had a bit of a clean before dh came home.
That wasn't because he would have been annoyed but because I liked things relaxed in the evenings and that 'deadline' helped me to keep on top of things. If he'd been an arse about the state of the house, I'd have been less inclined to do anything about it.
I'd also made friends in baby groups and we'd often pop over to each other's houses and that was another incentive.
It wasn't easy but I did prioritise it and dh did do some in the evenings too.

Hmm, sounds like maybe I do need to try a bit harder. I think I’ll also get a cleaner when back at work.
In my defence I do think she is the opposite of placid. She has a little baby friend the same age, who just sits still and smiles, can’t crawl. Whereas mine is almost walking and A LOT more rambunctious.
She doesn’t nap in her cot anymore either. She will generally only nap in the pushchair.
And I prioritise taking her out everyday, rather than staying home.
I like it when he takes her out for a walk at the weekend and I can blitz the house. But it hardly ever happens and in evenings I can’t do it as I’m still parenting her, even if he’s trying to help.

But I am also going to get him looking after her solo one day per week. So hopefully that gives him a taste of how hard it can be. I am going away for a few nights on a hen do also. But he’ll just get his mum over for that, so won’t help.

Mine was much cleaner and tidier than it is now, but I had 1 easy child and I went back to work and she started nursery at 10 months before becoming a chaotic toddler.

Spotless, but my husband still made the tea time meal.

Mine was clean and tidy, but I wasn’t solely responsible for it (and I’m not now either!). My husband did his fair share outside of his working hours. I would cook, he would clear up, I’d put laundry loads in, he’d sort etc.

Tell your husband to pull his finger out his arse and do his fair share.

There's a big difference between being untidy and being dirty. I used to do whatever cleaning was needed and meal prep first thing in the morning. If you split it up cleaning doesnt take long. Floors one day, toilets another etc. Then the rest of the day was for us to do whatever we wanted. If we had been home late afternoon it wasn't unusual for there to be toys about but that's a 5 minute job to chuck them back in the box. 2 under 2 and I aimed for them to be fed when he got home, we did bath and bed together then he would put the toys away while I put finishing touches to our meal.

Mine was a disaster tbh. Dh used to come home, collapse on the sofa after work, look around at the state of the house and apologise profusely for not helping out more.

We were both exhausted.

Your dh should, at a minimum be doing as much housework as he would do as a single man, and while he’s cooking his tea and chucking on his laundry, he could cook yours, and put your laundry in the same wash.

This but i did have a travel cot in the front room sat him in it and got on with what need to be done.
I cant live in mess and say its because i have a baby.

Ours was a building site!!! Did invest in a cleaner which helped........ your husband can always muck in - your priority is yourself and your little one. As long as the house isn't actually dirty shouldn't be a major issue. Just because you are home all day, doesn't mean you actually have capacity to clean and tidy.....

My house was either spotless or a cesspit. Never really in the middle either.

Your PFB doesn't need to be watched 24/7. She should be sleeping at least some of that 🤪

It's hard but if you want a clean house, you'll find a way. If you're not arsed, that's fine too. Work it into your routine. Find something healthy and safe that distracts them for 45 mins while you clean.

This is why I am such a big advocate of shared parental leave. Both parents get to experience the joy and drudgery of parenting, as well as balancing housework, mental load, etc.

When I was off, I kept things pretty tidy, did the washing (easy job just bung it in the machine), and cooking. He would then get home, take the baby, do the bedtime routine, I’d cook out dinner and he’d clean up. I went out most days so not much mess really.

We swapped roles when I went back.

When we both went back we got a cleaner. I’d say our lives are pretty easy, we both do our share and don’t feel resentful. Weekends are spent out and about doing fun family stuff, or playing and bbqs in the garden when the weather is nice.