Addicted to weed

[Dogmum47]

My partner is a heavy weed smoker. All day everyday. Can't leave the house without a joint or will be in a foul mood. He swings from hot and cold even while smoking the stuff (ie not in withdrawal). He's always smoked since I met him and somehow I never realised how big a problem it was until recent years. I have always hated the stuff and I'm so embarrassed by it, worried people can smell it off of me or think I smoke it. He always says he isn't addicted and it isn't a problem, he's just needs it to sleep. But I know he cannot stop and I think if I ever gave him an ultimatum he would pick the weed over me.

I think I feel I can't bring it up or ask for him to stop as I accepted that he did this when I got with him. I'm not sure if it is causing major issues in our relationship or not but I hate it now. He's also lazy and stays up til all hours but not sure if that's the weed habit or just him. AIBU to think there's no future here is there?

Leave, even if he stops now, it could well creep back in when you have kids.

Appreciate this is a lot harder than it looks on paper, but now is a good time to think about what your life is going to be like in 5, 10 years time and what has to change if that future doesn't look appealing. If you give the ultimation and he stops do you want to be with him? If you give the ultimation and he chooses weed can you extricate yourself and your assets easily enough - will he make this difficult? The mumsnet 'get your ducks in a row' might be worth considering before giving him the choice. If you choose to walk away without giving him the choice will it be all your fault and a massive drama? Do you care, because if not then I guess you know it's just time to go. Best of luck op, it's easy to say I couldn't live with an addict but these things creep up on you, I will ask you please not to bring children into it if you do stay though as I wish I hadn't grown up with my alcoholic father and his shitty attitude when he couldn't go for a pint.

How is he funding it? It will be expensive, particularly if he is a really heavy smoker. If he buys in bulk it may be cheaper but he risks a possession with intent to supply charge (which is a big deal). Or is he supplying to fund his habit?

If he has the sense to buy in really small quantities then whoever supplies him risks the more serious charge. He’ll be meeting his dealer more often and paying a lot more.

Cannabis is not a “safe” drug. It’s been upgraded to class B for a reason.

Please dump this guy. Even being on your own will be so much better.

@MustDust don't worry I have no intentions of bringing kids into this situation, that would be the deal breaker for me that he would have to stop if we wanted kids together. Hard to know if our issues are mainly down to him smoking weed or if I'd still be unhappy so guess it's whether it's even worth staying for. It is a good comparison to the pint as yes the mood swings when he can't smoke are unbearable. I used to be so against drugs but somehow didn't think weed was as bad but then again I never knew anyone addicted to it and using it daily. Just finding it so unattractive and deep down I think it's a deal-breaker as can't see him stopping. A lot to think about.

@CruCru he has a well paid job he manages to keep down while being high all the time. He is not supplying and gets through a friend but no idea what quantities. But yes an expensive habit and he will then say he has no money to go out spend time doing something with me or going on holiday etc.

Why are you with him.

I think the time has come for him to decide between weed and you, or you will have to decide for him. You can't live like that.

@caffelattetogo yes I think you are right

Don’t waste your time. I’ve seen a lot of threads here where women try to help and end up wasting years. Don’t do that, you can’t save him, save yourself!

If your partner was treating alcohol like that you wouldn't be wondering what to do. Weed is much the same. If people want you to have a bit here and there, fine. Every day habit, not fine.

@DeadbeatYoda you're right, I think it's why it is now becoming such a big issue for me as it never used to be all day everyday before