To think husband should attended the birth

[Upupup90]

I’m due our first child early September. I’m in an Interracial relationship this is relevant due to culture differences. My husband is from Trinidad he is saying it’s not usual practice for men to attend births there. Aibu to want him with me or should I just respect it’s not the done thing for him?

If you have someone else to support you, this on its own isn’t a big deal. It’s a shame, but it’s not for everyone.

If this is a pattern of him not wanting to get involved with things that are traditionally women’s stuff, you’ve got a problem however.

If you want him there tell him you really want him there.

Men didn’t used to attend births in the uk either and now they do. Times change and there would have always been the odd person who was different anyway.

Maybe his secretly scared of blood or something.

You are the one giving birth. He should be doing whatever possible to make you comfortable and happy when in labour.

Seeing as he will have a mixed race child, he needs to embrace both cultures and not just his own. I think most races used to be against dads being at the birth of their children, but that's different now. Times have changed.

I sort of disagree with this just because if he's just like a deer in headlamps during labour/birth - anxious, uncomfortable, etc, then he will be a hindrance to it all rather than a help anyway.

I would feel unsupported and let down with this, OP.

Does this also mean he won't be actively involved in parenting duties?

I think you should make it clear that this is really important to you OP. I can't imagine giving birth without my DH there!

I would feel really sad and disappointed about this as well, my delivery would've been 1000x harder without my partner offering constant support throughout. I really do think it makes the world of difference

It’s up to him. It’s not going to be the experience you want if you’ve forced him to be there. And you’ll only get pissed off when he isn’t supporting you as enthusiastically as you’d like.

I think if he doesn't want to be there he's not going to be the best birthing partner. Do you have anyone else who could be there for you?
Being someone's birth partner isn't for everyone and at least he's being honest with you and saying how he feels.

He will have to step up, regardless of his preferences, just as he’ll have to step up and deal with a roaring baby at 4 am and liquid shite fountains emerging out of the neck of a baby vest. Or does being Trinidadian get him a free pass on that stuff too? Diddums.

I think if he doesn't want to attend the birth he shouldn't be forced to. In the same way that if you really didn't want him there then he should not insist on being present.

If it's just that culturally he wasn't expecting to be there, that's one thing - and you might persuade him otherwise. If it's that he doesn't actually want to be there, then that's another and I would let it go.

I'd find another birth partner in that case. I understand you are disappointed but if he really doesn't want to watch you go through labour then insisting that he does is counter productive. He's unlikely to be much support and will (possibly) be revolted and put off by the whole thing if he's reluctantly there.

Trinidadian doesn’t come into it. It was his lame excuse. If he wanted to be there, he wouldn’t have brought it up.

FYI…he doesn’t have to do any of that stuff. Let’s just hope OP chose better than that.

This is exactly what happened at my son's birth, I wish he hadn't been there to be honest. I think its OK in some circumstances for the dad no to be present but its entirely up to you as a couple. I'm not sure I'd force it.

DH was at DC1’s birth - he was as much use as a chocolate teapot! He’s not great with medical stuff at all and there were some complications which just made it worse. When I had DC2, we agreed he’d stay at home with DC1 and I hired an independent midwife to come to hospital with me. Birth 2 was infinitely better than birth 1. I had a fabulous team of my midwife, hospital midwife & trainee midwife and could not have felt better supported.

If we’d have had another I would 100% have insisted DH stayed at home again! Having said that, I was happy for DH to stay at home, if you really want your DH there, can he at least come to the hospital whilst you’re labouring? He can step out of the delivery room for actual delivery if he’s squeamish about it.