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AIBU?

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Should I go back to this event?

11 replies

Verucasalt123 · 07/05/2024 17:58

About a week ago I went to a language exchange event where I live. I left fairly early, and as I was leaving a man was arriving to it. I said hi, and walked out as he was walking in.

He had obviously decided that was enough for him as the next day I had a private message from him saying I'd said hi to him.

I replied that I'd had to go early, asking if he'd enjoyed the evening and if he'd been going a long time.

He ignored all that and messaged back inviting me to a dance event which is on every fortnight.
I had a look at it on the website and I can't afford the ticket until payday, I've had to pay a lot of things this month.

I told him this, explaining I'd likely go to the one after. I then tried to ask him how old he was, what was his job etc.

Again he ignored it and wrote back 'but.. how are you going to cope for a whole month without dancing 😞 '
He then told me he assumed I was a certain nationality. I asked how come, and he said 'well your first name sounds very similar to the name of the country - isn't it obvious?

I didn't reply for over 24 hours which I know was rude of me. Anyway, I woke up to a message from him saying 'right, I've got the hint. Shame, as I've nothing against cute English girls ;) '

I decided it wasn't fair to waste his time or lead him on so I replied 'I'm sorry but I am not interested. Good luck.'
He replied 'ok. What are you interested in then?"

I've just ignored it. The problem is he regularly attends the event I initially went to, and I feel awkward going back. I was initially open to chatting with him, but I started to find his messages creepy and odd.
Does it sound like I was a bit harsh with him, and do I need to find a new event?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 07/05/2024 17:59

Go to the event but give him a wide berth.

Verucasalt123 · 07/05/2024 18:00

bridgetreilly · 07/05/2024 17:59

Go to the event but give him a wide berth.

The problem is there are literally like 5 of us at the event. So it would be hard not to :( sadly I think I need to find a new one.

OP posts:
BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 07/05/2024 18:02

He was being pushy, if he is so upfront he has to expect people to be equally upfront in saying no thanks.

Just be cheerfully bright and breezy but a bit distant when you see him at the regular event.

Verucasalt123 · 07/05/2024 18:04

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 07/05/2024 18:02

He was being pushy, if he is so upfront he has to expect people to be equally upfront in saying no thanks.

Just be cheerfully bright and breezy but a bit distant when you see him at the regular event.

Thank you. I don't understand what he meant by "what are you interested in then' when I said very clearly I wasn't interested. Like what does that even mean?
I've blocked him on the app which he'll have seen, with it being such a small group I'm a bit afraid to encounter him again tbh.

OP posts:
BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 07/05/2024 21:38

He should be afraid to encounter you!

You have turned him down, not rudely, he’s the one who has been knocked back, he has no right to edge you out just because he fancied you!

Hold your head high, focus on the event.

Verucasalt123 · 08/05/2024 04:40

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 07/05/2024 21:38

He should be afraid to encounter you!

You have turned him down, not rudely, he’s the one who has been knocked back, he has no right to edge you out just because he fancied you!

Hold your head high, focus on the event.

Thank you :)

OP posts:
MurielThrockmorton · 08/05/2024 05:36

My DD is had a similar thing with a man at work. She's shown absolutely absolutely absolutely no interest in he at all and has a boyfriend, which he knows about. She's decided to just ignore it and behave like it never happened. It's not surprising you feel awkward, and it's shit that women have to cope with this and avoid doing things that we want to. Is there anyone in the group that you know well enough to tell so they can also watch out for the behaviour and try to head him off?

Verucasalt123 · 08/05/2024 10:31

MurielThrockmorton · 08/05/2024 05:36

My DD is had a similar thing with a man at work. She's shown absolutely absolutely absolutely no interest in he at all and has a boyfriend, which he knows about. She's decided to just ignore it and behave like it never happened. It's not surprising you feel awkward, and it's shit that women have to cope with this and avoid doing things that we want to. Is there anyone in the group that you know well enough to tell so they can also watch out for the behaviour and try to head him off?

Sorry to hear there was a similar situation. You're right, these men are very pushy and won't take no for an answer sadly.
Sadly I don't know anyone else that well but I will just try to be firm and ignore him.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 08/05/2024 10:43

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 07/05/2024 21:38

He should be afraid to encounter you!

You have turned him down, not rudely, he’s the one who has been knocked back, he has no right to edge you out just because he fancied you!

Hold your head high, focus on the event.

Exactly this! You have the power!

Needmorelego · 08/05/2024 10:48

The man obviously fancied you and asked you out.
You said no.
There was some bad flirting (the chat about dancing).
He asked what you were interested in.
If the answer is "not dating" then why don't you just say that?
I'm not entirely sure what a "language exchange" is but I assume a social event to make friends (which may or may not lead to dating).
He said he "got the hint" so knows you don't want to date.
If you enjoy the language thing then go back.

Verucasalt123 · 08/05/2024 11:16

That's fair, it's just that he literally saw me for 3 seconds, I said hi to him as I was walking out of the building. He doesn't even know how old I am or anything whatsoever about me.
Maybe the 'I am not interested ' wasn't clear, he thought I meant the dancing, I should've said "I am not interested in you '. That's a good point.

OP posts:
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