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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this negging?

23 replies

JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:24

I'm possibly missing the term..
Anyway, I started talking to a man on a dating app. He asked me what countries I'd like to visit next, and I said Latvia and Lithuania.
I have an interest in their culture and the cities I'd like to visit look beautiful.

He replied, those are quite strange holiday choices, how come you want to go to them? Then he replied- I've actually visited both.

I replied saying, what makes you think they're unusual? Then explained why I want to go, as I've done in this post.
No reply after that from him. Just a little weird.

OP posts:
Rattai · 07/05/2024 17:26

No. In my opinion that's not negging

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/05/2024 17:26

It is a bit like negging. He’s critical about your choices and then one-ups you by saying he’s been there.

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:27

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/05/2024 17:26

It is a bit like negging. He’s critical about your choices and then one-ups you by saying he’s been there.

Exactly..
He also put in his bio that his love language was 'mild bullying ' 🙄 TBF I should've not messaged based on that alone.

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 07/05/2024 17:27

I don't think these things need a specific label. It was an odd response, it either is a deliberate ploy in which case be wary. Or it's a lack of empathy or similar, in which case be wary. Or he could be having a bad day, in which case be wary in case he has lots of bad days! You get the gist.

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:28

fedupandstuck · 07/05/2024 17:27

I don't think these things need a specific label. It was an odd response, it either is a deliberate ploy in which case be wary. Or it's a lack of empathy or similar, in which case be wary. Or he could be having a bad day, in which case be wary in case he has lots of bad days! You get the gist.

True!
Also the fact that he ghosted after I asked why he thought they were unusual?
Did he want me to just blindly agree with him?

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 07/05/2024 17:28

Just seen your last post... yeah, I wouldn't have given him the time of day with that "love language" comment.

Sillystrumpet · 07/05/2024 17:30

No it’s not negging, not even close. And it’s a valid question, he didn’t criticise, he simply said it was strange, ie unusual and why.

something though has made him decide not to pursue further.

negging is to insult someone so they feel bad about themselves so more keen when then complimented. He didn’t insult you remotely. Not even slightly.

Sillystrumpet · 07/05/2024 17:31

JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:27

Exactly..
He also put in his bio that his love language was 'mild bullying ' 🙄 TBF I should've not messaged based on that alone.

Show quote history

Well yeah, that’s different, not sure why you’d have messaged him when you saw that. Unless you like to be bullied?

Sillystrumpet · 07/05/2024 17:31

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/05/2024 17:26

It is a bit like negging. He’s critical about your choices and then one-ups you by saying he’s been there.

He wasn’t critical, it is a strange choice, strange as in unusual and he possibly has been to both.

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:32

Sillystrumpet · 07/05/2024 17:30

No it’s not negging, not even close. And it’s a valid question, he didn’t criticise, he simply said it was strange, ie unusual and why.

something though has made him decide not to pursue further.

negging is to insult someone so they feel bad about themselves so more keen when then complimented. He didn’t insult you remotely. Not even slightly.

Like I could understand him saying it's odd, but then goes on to tell me he's been?
I'm like whyve you been then if it's so odd 😅
Anyway it's no great loss.

OP posts:
Cocoaone · 07/05/2024 17:35

I wonder if he thinks you've stalked his socials and seen he's been to both, so you mentioned it in the hope he'll think you're kindred spirits?

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:38

Cocoaone · 07/05/2024 17:35

I wonder if he thinks you've stalked his socials and seen he's been to both, so you mentioned it in the hope he'll think you're kindred spirits?

He didn't post his socials on the apps that I could see but good point

OP posts:
Babadook76 · 07/05/2024 17:38

Sillystrumpet · 07/05/2024 17:30

No it’s not negging, not even close. And it’s a valid question, he didn’t criticise, he simply said it was strange, ie unusual and why.

something though has made him decide not to pursue further.

negging is to insult someone so they feel bad about themselves so more keen when then complimented. He didn’t insult you remotely. Not even slightly.

This. This is a completely normal, pleasant conversation for me. The ops seemed to have taken offence at the word ‘strange’. It doesn’t mean bad. I’d have assumed he meant unusual or different. He may have even meant it as a compliment, as that was an unexpected reply compared to the usual popular holiday destinations, and he’s actually been to both so they’ve got something unusual in common. He was probably expecting a nice reply or questions from the op about his trips, but instead got a weird, snotty reply

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:40

Babadook76 · 07/05/2024 17:38

This. This is a completely normal, pleasant conversation for me. The ops seemed to have taken offence at the word ‘strange’. It doesn’t mean bad. I’d have assumed he meant unusual or different. He may have even meant it as a compliment, as that was an unexpected reply compared to the usual popular holiday destinations, and he’s actually been to both so they’ve got something unusual in common. He was probably expecting a nice reply or questions from the op about his trips, but instead got a weird, snotty reply

Show quote history

I don't think my reply was weird or snotty?
I said, I want to go because of xyz, what makes you say they're unusual?
I asked a question just as he did.

OP posts:
RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 07/05/2024 17:47

Come off it. "Strange" is not a compliment.

"What do you think of my haircut" "It's strange."
"How's your food?" "It tastes strange."

Sounds to me like he wanted to sound superior so lied, then ghosted OP when he realised he'd probably be found out Hmm

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:48

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 07/05/2024 17:47

Come off it. "Strange" is not a compliment.

"What do you think of my haircut" "It's strange."
"How's your food?" "It tastes strange."

Sounds to me like he wanted to sound superior so lied, then ghosted OP when he realised he'd probably be found out Hmm

I'll admit I did get a slight air of superiority. Like only he is allowed to go to these 'unusual' places.

OP posts:
Babadook76 · 07/05/2024 17:48

JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:40

I don't think my reply was weird or snotty?
I said, I want to go because of xyz, what makes you say they're unusual?
I asked a question just as he did.

Show quote history

Just going by the tone of your thread and why you’ve written it, it seemed like you’ve gotten upset for some reason. If you haven’t then I don’t even know why you’re giving it headspace. So you had a normal conversation about normal things. What’s the problem?

MaryMack · 07/05/2024 17:50

Yeah he thinks you've Facebook stalked him, hence the Latvia and Lithuania comment.

PS: Lithuania is beautiful. Never been to Latvia though.

Babadook76 · 07/05/2024 17:58

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · 07/05/2024 17:47

Come off it. "Strange" is not a compliment.

"What do you think of my haircut" "It's strange."
"How's your food?" "It tastes strange."

Sounds to me like he wanted to sound superior so lied, then ghosted OP when he realised he'd probably be found out Hmm

Oh behave with those examples 😂 strange is fine for someone picking an unusual holiday destination. Going by your reasoning calling someone hilarious cannot be a compliment, because it’s an insult if someone asks ‘how’s my hair today’? Or tasty cannot be used as a compliment for food as it’s fucking creepy if someone asks ‘how do I look’? They’re stupid examples but so are yours. This man has said he’s been to these countries. So why on earth would he be implying you’d have to be weird or something to want to go?

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:59

MaryMack · 07/05/2024 17:50

Yeah he thinks you've Facebook stalked him, hence the Latvia and Lithuania comment.

PS: Lithuania is beautiful. Never been to Latvia though.

I can guarantee I haven't been on any socials of his, I don't even know his full name 🤣 he didn't post any of his socials on his Hinge profile either so I'd have no way of finding out. Who knows anyway

OP posts:
Stressyfab · 07/05/2024 18:07

Not negging but I get where you’re coming from OP, at best he sounds shit at conversation!

HangryOliveMentor · 07/05/2024 18:13

I don’t see any issue with his comment at all.

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 18:17

Alright fair, maybe I have over thought it a little!
I just got slightly cocky vibes. Anyway he's ghosted me so doesn't matter I guess 🤣

OP posts:
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