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Original poster

Was I too harsh on this guy on a dating app?

21 replies

JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:15

I started talking to a guy on an app on Saturday night. He seemed keen, taking no more than 30 minutes last night, writing very long messages.
I didn't reply quite as fast, like I'd take several hours at times but I think that's normal, I don't want to be writing to someone every 30 mins I have other stuff to do, and it felt intense.
He told me in message 3 he really wanted something long-term, which is refreshing to hear as I usually seem to like commitment phobes.

Anyway, he messaged me around 10pm last night saying he really wanted to meet me today after work. I replied within 10 mins saying I was busy sorry as it was very short notice, but I could do another day.
He replied last night saying yes, is Wednesday (tomorrow) ok? I replied yes, how about 5pm? Not a thing since.

Not sure if I was rude by saying it was very short notice? I did say it politely though, and it was. I admit I found it a little much that he messaged at 10pm expecting to meet the next afternoon.

I think the replying every 30 minutes with long essays put me off a little too. I'm kinda getting vibes of, I just want someone, and you'll do.

It doesn't mean I want someone avoidant who takes days to reply, just something in between would be good!

Any thoughts? Weird that he's stopped talking.

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:15

I do think I've had a lucky escape if he's randomly ghosted after I asked about a meeting time.

OP posts:
newnumberwhodis · 07/05/2024 17:19

You messaged him on an app.

Chances are, you weren't the only person he contacted. Someone else probably said she was free.

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:20

newnumberwhodis · 07/05/2024 17:19

You messaged him on an app.

Chances are, you weren't the only person he contacted. Someone else probably said she was free.

True..
He actually updated his main picture too, though I'm not sure if Hinge does that automatically?

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:20

Anyway, his communication style and needs probably don't match with mine so I'm sure it's for the best.

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 07/05/2024 17:23

Can you see if he's been online on the app since?

Mycatsasuperstar · 07/05/2024 17:24

I find someone work it and then as soon as you agree they zombie you because it's like an ego trip. I say zombie as they tend to return randomly expecting to pick up where you left off.... Yeah jog on mate

Mycatsasuperstar · 07/05/2024 17:25

I meant some people. And to be clear that zombie to jog on lol not you OP!

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:25

Sapphire387 · 07/05/2024 17:23

Can you see if he's been online on the app since?

I'm not sure if Hinge has that feature, I'll try to find out. It probably does if I pay them, which I'm not willing to do 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:26

Mycatsasuperstar · 07/05/2024 17:24

I find someone work it and then as soon as you agree they zombie you because it's like an ego trip. I say zombie as they tend to return randomly expecting to pick up where you left off.... Yeah jog on mate

Yeah so weird isn't it. It just shows you can't go by what people say online, people can be whoever they want and you can't trust anything they say. Haha it's ok I know what you meant :)

OP posts:
Mycatsasuperstar · 07/05/2024 17:31

To be honest I prefer the zombies and love bombers because you will quickly get to the WTF and get rid..... Its those inbetweeners where you are never sure and so by the time you get to WTF... Well you just can't pinpoint it. I prefer cats, you are always sure they are arseholes and will eat you if you die. But hey they give the best cuddles!!

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 17:33

Mycatsasuperstar · 07/05/2024 17:31

To be honest I prefer the zombies and love bombers because you will quickly get to the WTF and get rid..... Its those inbetweeners where you are never sure and so by the time you get to WTF... Well you just can't pinpoint it. I prefer cats, you are always sure they are arseholes and will eat you if you die. But hey they give the best cuddles!!

Agreed, I'd love a cat, way less hassle than these men haha

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 18:12

Seriously can't believe I've been ghosted because I politely explained it was very short notice and offerer an alternative time? Or maybe it was nothing to do with that.

OP posts:
HazelWicker · 07/05/2024 18:22

He might be seeing someone else and feel awkward arranging a date if he has one with someone else. Doesn't mean he has ghosted yet.

Dating apps are hard, I think most are talking to lots of people. As soon as I went on a date with my bf I said I want interested to another guy anymore. We were messaging and did a video call on the Thursday maybe and he wanted to arrange a date but was unwell so couldn't yet. Then video called now bf the Friday. Set up a date with him on the Sunday. I sent less messages to the first guy over the weekend as felt a bit weird knowing I was going on a date with someone else. And then on the Monday said I wasn't looking for a date now as wanted to see bf again. But I am probably a bit too sensitive and delicate because I can't multi date even though it's an accepted norm!

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 20:39

I've just had a very abrupt reply simply saying "I am free at 5pm on Thursday." Like zero enthusiasm or anything, might just leave it?

OP posts:
ScabbyHorse · 07/05/2024 20:43

Yes that's very abrupt, he's not trying very hard...

IncompleteSenten · 07/05/2024 20:46

Is hinge like tinder where it's mostly for quick hook ups? Is that why he's wanting to arrange something short notice?

Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 20:47

IncompleteSenten · 07/05/2024 20:46

Is hinge like tinder where it's mostly for quick hook ups? Is that why he's wanting to arrange something short notice?

I thought Hinge was slightly better but tbh I'm doubting it now, it's more like unhinged!

OP posts:
Original poster
JadeRobin · 07/05/2024 20:48

ScabbyHorse · 07/05/2024 20:43

Yes that's very abrupt, he's not trying very hard...

Yeah definitely, I've just put 'ok that's great for me'. And I'll leave him to arrange a place, if he doesn't then I'll know.

OP posts:
Scurryfunge12 · 07/05/2024 20:55

Don’t bother. No one on these apps seems to know what they want. It’s full immature game players wanting their ego stroked. That’s why there’s so many single people now. It’s the illusion of choice, too much choice at the swipe of a finger means no one dedicates proper time to get to know someone with a genuine view to a relationship and everyone is disposable.

Original poster
JadeRobin · 08/05/2024 10:35

Thank you.
Decided to not bother replying after I confirmed 5pm was good, what an absolute time waster. I guess my instincts were right

OP posts:
ToadofTOADhall9 · 28/05/2024 13:48

He isnt trying very hard, neither are you.

Not a great match

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