Would you say this age gap is inappropriate?

[goldsharknofish]

Hi, I'm posting for a friend who has asked for an opinion but I'm on the fence.
My friend in 34, he has had somewhat terrible luck with relationships, seems to pick a very controlling type of girl (I've known two of them and he definitely wasn't the problem), it is a shame as he is a lovely man, he is kind, has a lot of love to give and he is actually really attractive (like I said he has terrible taste explaining his singleness).
Today my friend has told me he met someone, she is 21, at a hobby so he wasn't seeking out young girls! They went for drinks after, initially with 2 other people but they left early. He said they really got along, so he asked for her number and took her on a date, they slept together, have a 2nd date planned.
When he told some people at work about her they seemed disgusted as there is 13 years between them, she is in her 3rd year of uni, 22 in the summer and planning to do a masters.
He has asked if I think it is really weird/creepy. Others have suggested she will only be interested in his money (6 figures and inherited so is mortgage free with a gorgeous flat), however he is adamant there is no way she could no how much he makes or that he owns etc.

So thoughts? Usually I'd say if you have to ask it is inappropriate but here I'm not sure.
YABU - It is weird and creepy
YANBU - It is fine, best of luck to them

She’s an adult embarking on a masters, seems like she’s old enough to make her own choices in life.

I know several couples with a 11-12 year age gap, who got together when the woman was 18, and were married for over 60 years. Very common post war.

It was being at university that gave me the ick. They are at very different stages in their lives. Uni feels like school to me now.

They're both adults, and so people should mind their own business! As long as they're happy, what else matters?

Family members. Married for 50+ years have this age gap.

When they got together people were very unhappy (the female partner was similarly at university).

Now they are 72 and 84 no one blinks an eyelid!

I'm more concerned that he told you he slept with her on the first date!

That's horrible of him.

My partner is 10 years older than me. We met at work when I was 18 and he was 27 I never felt like there was anything about it that was icky we are now still happily together I've just turned 32 and he's 41 I have never once felt that we had a really big age difference.

It's borderline creepy but only because some older men seek out younger women they can control, which makes it seem bad for everyone. It depends really on their respective maturity levels. Some girls are married with two kids at 21 - less so in UK culture these days. Others still seem like younger teens.

If they stayed together, in a few years the difference would seem much less remarkable. Though when young, it does put you at different life stages.

One of my good friends met a man 11 years older in her mid 20s, who had been married before. Then, I admit, he seemed rather old and boring to our friends group, though maybe that was more about his character. These days the age gap isn't noticeable - they are grandparents now.

I don't consider 10 years as an age gap!

It's for them to find out if the gap will make their relationship difficult or not. They are into at least one hobby they share, so that's a good start.
I would have dated a 34 yo when I was 21 I think. If we had stuff in common. But I was working full time for several years by then so if she's at uni it could makes things trickier. She may move away, or her priorities might change when she leaves?
But for now just wish him luck. He doesn't need to broadcast her age to all and sundry, in fact it's not that normal to even ask people the age of their partner in normal conversation.

It's unlikely they will stay together not because of her age but because they slept together on the first date.

Many men are willing to do that but then twist it that to believe that she put out too easily and will use that in any argument to put her down.

It's awful but often true.

Same age gap between me and husband and met at similar ages, at work. Married ten years this year so don't think it weird myself. We don't even think about the age gap.

Met my partner of 14 years at same ages..... can't be that bad. There are some situations that are creepy and others not. This doesn't sound like a creepy one, especially as his previous partners were similar in age to him.
Let's also add they are both adults and his workmates are probably slightly jealous.... (I've seen it!)

I wouldn't be at all happy if she was my daughter.

I’ve been there - I married the guy I met tho and we have two children now :)

Too big an age gap IMHO. Sorry.

I don't have an issue with their ages. They are both adults, they can do what they want.

I do find it really, really gross and inappropriate that he's told you he's slept with her and he's already going on about her to his colleagues. WTF. He sounds like he's 15 years old. Maybe that's why he and this young woman get along so well.

In the real world its fine, they are both adults and don't need to explain themselves to anyone.
In mumsnet world however, any more than a 6 month age gap either way, and you will be deemed a kiddie fiddler or a granny grabber 😉😉

@LakeTiticaca "In mumsnet world however, any more than a 6 month age gap either way, and you will be deemed a kiddie fiddler or a granny grabber "

You know that's bollocks, don't you?

I think its fine. As someone whose parents had a 13 year age gap and the best relationship I ever had was a 13 year age gap I say love and let live. My DB went out with someone over 30 years younger, that is way too big a gap. It of course ended as soon as he moved in!

Jimmy Saville? Christ.

@Pomegranatecarnage "They got married a couple of months ago. The stag party dressed the groom up as Jimmy Saville for the duration of the jolly."

Jesus Christ. It's not often words fail me.....

@Pomegranatecarnage I am so sorry. My post was for@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche .

But I think we agree....

Read some of the age gap relationship posts on here. There're a staggering amount of judgemental comments about people in relation ships with a big age gap.
Calling them sick, disgusting etc. It's nobody else's business . There are probably as many people in bad relationships who are similar in age as there are those with a big gap

I think it's fine. They're both adults and hit it off and have a shared interest so who knows? My gran married my grandad when she was 18 and he was 42. They had 4 children and also fostered my Auntie. My grandad was the loveliest man - kind, intelligent, hard working, gentle and they remained happy and in love until he passed aged 87. Some age gap relationships do work!

@CurlewKate
@Pomegranatecarnage

There is only acceptance from both sides of the family in respect of the 14 yr age gap. We adore our son in law. My daughter and son in law are a professional couple and have good careers.

My son in law's friends however, have warped senses of humour and did dress son in law as Jimmy Saville as a joke (I know it's a sick joke). What makes it slightly worse is my husband went on the 4 night stag party and joined in with the frivolity. My husband went along with the joke - which carried on and spilled over into the wedding speeches when all the stags suddenly produced 'Jimmy Saville jewellery' and wore it for the rest of the day.

It's dark humour.