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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband cheated.. left us... kids still in bits ..

16 replies

ghostings · 07/05/2024 16:51

My eldest sister believes that everyone has their reasons for cheating and that the re are two sides to every story ...
Having had a useless fail of a husband and father for twenty years , I feel hurt by this statement.
He upped and left us all, has no relationship with our children and will not pay half of their expenses . This was a few years ago but the fall out remains huge as two of my kids have sn.
AIBU to feel terribly hurt by this ?

OP posts:
Zimunya · 07/05/2024 16:57

@ghostings - of course you feel hurt! Anyone would in that situation. Is there a possibility of taking him to court to get him to pay his fair share? I know the money won't take away the hurt, but you shuldn't be doing this all on your own. Sending you a huge hug.

Kesio · 07/05/2024 16:58

Sounds like she was the one shagging him. What an unsupportive attitude from her.

JamesPringle · 07/05/2024 17:01

I agree with your sister, but some of the reasons for cheating can include being selfish, being an arsehole, lack of empathy, impossible ego. Of course everyone has their own view on things and your ex probably somehow justifies his actions to himself, but the fact remains that he's a man who doesn't pay for his kids, and is, therefore, a prick.

SpeedwellBlue · 07/05/2024 17:06

I don't agree with your sister. Sometimes people cheat not because their spouse has done anything wrong or fallen short, but just because they aren't a nice person and don't care about being loyal or the effect on their spouse and kids of their shagging around. Only their own fun. If the spouse had done something wrong they could end the relationship before shagging around

Toffifee1 · 07/05/2024 17:14

I suppose your sister has cheated, too?
Whatever the „reason“ for cheating is, there‘s always the honest option of talking to your partner and breaking things off (not with the children if you‘re a decent human being!) before starting something new.

Toffifee1 · 07/05/2024 17:20

I mean.. i could think of a few reasons for cheating..

your younger kidfree collegue is sexier than the woman who has birthed your children - and you‘re a dishonest ahole.

Things have gotten a gotten a bit boring and you think need more excitement since you‘re a dishonest ahole.

You‘re done with your relationship and want to secure something new before leaving and you‘re a dishonest ahole.

I hope you can see a pattern here that your sister apparently can’t see, OP ;)

StormingNorman · 07/05/2024 17:24

Your husband is a cheating cunt. Your sister likewise. The only people who can fathom cheating being acceptable are cheaters.

Hankunamatata · 07/05/2024 17:24

You divoce your partner not your children.

Surely she has an opinion about him not seeing his kids?

StopStartStop · 07/05/2024 17:26

@ghostings He did all that because he is a complete bastard. None of it - not one iota - was your fault. Your sister is a dozy mare.

I hope that helps. x

jeaux90 · 07/05/2024 17:30

Yes it still makes me angry occasionally and I am 13 years on from the feckless wonder.

You are entitled to feel that way, but other people are also entitled to feel differently I guess.

Wallywobbles · 07/05/2024 18:13

Some people have no clue. I'd agree with other posters that cheaters justify their behavior by saying it's acceptable in others. I did absolutely nothing "wrong" and my ex cheated and lied all the way through our short marriage. In takes 2 is absolute bollocks sometimes.

SantasRubiksCube · 07/05/2024 19:04

What an unsupportive thing for your sister to say, I don't blame you for feeling hurt. He could of left amicably if he was done with the relationship or tried to work things out with you if there were indeed issues in the marriage, he didn't have to cheat he did it because he is an arsehole, proven even further by the fact he now has nothing to do with his own children. How does your lovely sister explain that one away? 🙄 I imagine she's been unfaithful in relationships before and this old excuse is what she used to make herself feel better.

Polishedshoesalways · 07/05/2024 19:32

Wow, who needs enemies?

I would reply ‘I’m sure he has a dann good excuse for deserting his children. We are yet to hear it though as he hasn’t been in touch, too busy living his best life rather than feeding his own children’

I would not stand for her nonsense.

GingerPirate · 07/05/2024 19:59

JamesPringle · 07/05/2024 17:01

I agree with your sister, but some of the reasons for cheating can include being selfish, being an arsehole, lack of empathy, impossible ego. Of course everyone has their own view on things and your ex probably somehow justifies his actions to himself, but the fact remains that he's a man who doesn't pay for his kids, and is, therefore, a prick.

You forgot, apart from the selfish arsehole,
"wanting a life for themselves".

Getonwitit · 07/05/2024 20:30

Your sister is a smug fool. One day she may not be so smug.

Icantpossibly · 07/05/2024 22:14

Even if your sister was right ( she isn’t) how does she justify him not having a relationship with his children?
You have every reason to be hurt and angry with both of them.

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