Rehearsal dinner

Yorkiepud2614 · 2024-05-07T15:34:04+00:00

I can’t tell whether I’m being old fashioned or not. If you were invited to a rehearsal dinner (night before wedding) or a meal “hosted” by one of the couples parents, would you expect to be asked to pay for your meal? Not the exact amount but something split equally?

ouch321 · 07/05/2024 16:36

I didn't know that was a real thing! I saw it on an episode of Friends once but have never heard of it in real life.
In any event, if you're the host you pay. That is a very simple rule.
People who ask their guests to pay are sorely lacking in manners.

DurhamDurham · 07/05/2024 16:39

I thought that was just a thing in America. God forbid it becomes the norm here in the UK. If people do decide to have them they should totally pay the cost, I wouldn't go if I was expected to pay.

Original poster

Yorkiepud2614 · 07/05/2024 16:40

Sorry, perhaps I have picked up the Americanism. Let’s just call it a meal before the wedding to celebrate a wedding with a group of maybe 20. Is it okay to split the bill?

OP posts:

Cyclingforcake · 07/05/2024 16:43

Depends how it’s worded. Groom/Brides parent invite you and rest of wedding party to dinner at X. I expect they’ll pay. Or come and join us for dinner the night before - menus available online etc etc. I pay.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 07/05/2024 16:44

One of my besties are getting married this year, she is having a dinner the night before and everyone is invited to join if they want (but no expectation) and we are paying for ourselves - it's not a formal rehearsal dinner, just a way of extending the celebrations. I think in that context paying for yourself is fine. I think if it's specifically badged as a rehearsal dinner and there is an expectation of attendance it should be paid for by the bride and groom.

Cyclingforcake · 07/05/2024 16:45

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 07/05/2024 16:44

One of my besties are getting married this year, she is having a dinner the night before and everyone is invited to join if they want (but no expectation) and we are paying for ourselves - it's not a formal rehearsal dinner, just a way of extending the celebrations. I think in that context paying for yourself is fine. I think if it's specifically badged as a rehearsal dinner and there is an expectation of attendance it should be paid for by the bride and groom.

This is far more coherent than my answer. But yes this!

nimski · 07/05/2024 16:52

We had a casual meal the evening before our wedding and yes everyone paid for themselves

TinkerTiger · 07/05/2024 16:55

Yorkiepud2614 · 07/05/2024 16:40

Sorry, perhaps I have picked up the Americanism. Let’s just call it a meal before the wedding to celebrate a wedding with a group of maybe 20. Is it okay to split the bill?

Well this changes it. A Rehearsal Dinner, I wouldn’t expect to pay, it’s for the people involved in the wedding rehearsal (aka bridal party) and is a gesture of thanks.

No clue about just a dinner the night before.

Strictlymad · 07/05/2024 16:58

Cyclingforcake · 07/05/2024 16:43

Depends how it’s worded. Groom/Brides parent invite you and rest of wedding party to dinner at X. I expect they’ll pay. Or come and join us for dinner the night before - menus available online etc etc. I pay.

This! ‘We are going to x at y time to celebrate the upcoming wedding. You are welcome to join us, let me know by this date so I can book right size table.’ Split bill. Or ‘Parents of …. Would like to have your company at a dinner x date x place to celebrate the wedding.’ They are paying

SummerInSun · 07/05/2024 17:17

Agree with PP. There is no right or wrong way to do this, it just needs clear communication. If you want to have an extra dinner the night before and have people pay for themselves, that's completely fine as long as they all understand that in advance.

KrisAkabusi · 07/05/2024 17:18

IF it's being hosted by someone I would expect them to pay. If you're all just going for dinner, split it.

PeloMom · 07/05/2024 17:21

Depends. Our rehearsal was followed by a casual dinner we picked up; I’ve been recently to 2 other rehearsals- one was followed by dinner paid by the hosts and the other wasn’t followed by dinner, just rehearsal of the ceremony. Where I am, the rehearsal is for those who are part of the wedding party and is to rehearse the ceremony- who walks after whom, what the flower girl(s) / ring bearer do etc. and as a thank you sometimes there’s a dinner;

Elebag · 07/05/2024 17:25

Not pay. But I've only been to two in the States.

mitogoshi · 07/05/2024 17:25

Ok I'm sort of doing this as some people are arriving in town late afternoon on the Friday. I've arranged a table (well 3 in reality) at local Lounge and everyone pays for food and drinks via the app, whatever they want. It's more of a low key joint drag and hen with 2 kids thrown in the mix. People arriving later are joining for drinks. I know the manager and staff so it's a perfect solution for us. If it's "part of the wedding" i wouldn't expect to pay unless explicitly asked

mitogoshi · 07/05/2024 17:27

Drag and hen ... a whole different event! Stag and hen.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 07/05/2024 17:28

My friend did this recently wedding party had to be in hair and make up early on the wedding day so we were all staying at the hotel the night before, bridge and groom invited us for dinner the night before, they paid. They said it was a thank you for supporting them and for giving up our time etc to be there for their day

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/05/2024 18:20

I've been to an American rehearsal dinner which was hosted by the bride's parents. They also put on a champagne brunch in a hotel the morning after the wedding. We didn't pay anything.

Went to a night before the wedding get together at a restaurant in France and we paid for our own food.

At another wedding in Wales we had a night before the wedding get together in a pub with a traditional party food buffet paid for my the bride and groom.

At a wedding in Cornwall we all met in a pub the night before and if anyone wanted food they ordered and paid for themselves.

I don't think there is an established etiquette in the Uk for these things but it is fun meeting all the other wedding guests in a less formal way the night before.

mindutopia · 07/05/2024 18:33

No, I wouldn't expect to pay for my meal. We had a rehearsal dinner. It was literally the dinner at the pub next door after the rehearsal. Everyone invited was there because they were in the wedding (or the partner of someone who was), so they were there doing us a favour, had paid an extra nights accommodation in many cases, etc. The dinner was paid for by dh's granddad as a gift to us for our wedding. That said, I think there is a 'rehearsal dinner' as a thank you to everyone helping you and there is 'dinner at the pub the night before the wedding' for whoever wants to come. If it's the latter, I'd expect to pay for my own meal and might buy the couple a drink to celebrate. A 'rehearsal dinner' is typically to feed the wedding party after the actual rehearsal.

Barneysmomma · 07/05/2024 23:03

When I got married we laid on a coach to a restaurant a few miles away from the wedding venue hotel after the rehearsal. Another wedding was being held at the hotel (most of our guests were staying there) and they'd told us they couldn't provide evening meals. We paid for the coach but our friends & family paid for their own meals. It was a great start to the celebrations.