To still be cringing at at myself

[Menora]

Took a short flight. I have had a fear of flying for many years but it’s got a lot better with CBT and taking short flights.

I noticed a young woman clearly struggling with anxiety, well I assumed so as it was all exactly the same trigger points as me - when they close the doors, when it starts to taxi and then speed up. She was crying and shaking and I felt really bad for her. She was alone and I remember how horrible it feels so I felt empathetic.

At some point in the flight she turned around and I smiled at her. What I thought was a friendly smile but she did not take it well. She snapped at me why am I smiling at her. I just didn’t know how to backtrack at that point as I wasn’t expecting her to be angry, so I said well I hope you are ok…
She got even more annoyed and asked why I would assume she wasn’t ok? I had dug myself a huge hole by now so I ended up just saying sorry and turning away.

I appreciate she was probably embarrassed so I am cringing so hard at myself I even smiled at her and she must have felt patronised, but I didn’t mean it that way.

AIBU to just never smile at a stranger ever again!

What were you thinking smiling at someone? Dreadful behaviour. I hate it when people pile on to the OP but you should be ashamed of yourself.

Of course you weren't unreasonable. She was the unreasonable one.

There's some bloody weird folk out there. The world has become so aggressive, awful to think that simply smiling at someone can elicit such a reaction

You've got nothing to cringe about. I used to be absolutely petrified of flying and I would have appreciated a smile and a bit of a chat. I ended up holding (death gripping) the hand of a complete stranger for over an hour once during a period of severe turbulence. Now that was cringe.

I think @neverknowinglyunreasonable is being sarcastic @Menora. Honestly, you tried to do a nice thing and you came across someone unpleasant.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Well done overcoming your fear of flying.

I would have massively appreciated a smile if I was her OP. I’ve done similar on the train when I saw a girl my age trying not to cry (I also happened to be having a bad day) and she gave me the warmest, grateful smile back

You were just unlucky

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP, but anger is an emotion very strongly linked to fear, so if this woman was feeling anxious or frightened, that may well have been her outlet and, unfortunately, you got caught in the crossfire.

Don't let it bother you.

Don't cringe OP, it was a perfectly nice thing to do. Sometimes these things just backfire.

This is not a situation to cringe. You're fine.

You were trying to show human connection & support.
She was scared (or very dramatic or just rude) and not acting rationally.

Hopefully she'll be at home cringing that she was horrible to that nice person on the plane.

Don't let her spoil your triumphant moment! Awesome work conquering your fear!

You did nothing wrong

This! I've lost count of the number of strangers hands I've held, shoulders I've cried on, begged for inane conversation to distract me.

They were the unreasonable ones, you have nothing to cringe about. I'm cringing for them because of how rude they were!

Ah bless you OP! Don’t cringe about it, you were only being thoughtful.

I have a fear of flying too and I really panic and can’t breathe or even swallow water sometimes, my whole throat closes up. When I’m in a state of panic I probably come across as blunt to others.

She might have felt a bit daft after the flight and realised that she was unnecessarily rude to you.

She was paranoid. Whole range of reasons that could be. You were the good guy here.

OP, I would have loved you.
I am a very nervous flyer and once had a complete stranger, an American woman, holding my hand and being really kind and reassuring and lovely as we came into land at Bristol airport. I was actually crying and my friend was across the aisle from me, sort of out of reach.
Well done you.

Nothing to cringe about at all. 30 years ago I took my first and last trip on the London underground I had tons of bags and a dog. The train was soon packed and I had the biggest panic attack, terrified especially for my dog. A lady angel appeared and even though I hadn't said a word, gave me the loveliest smile and talked calmly to me, telling me my dog was perfectly fine, I was fine and not to worry about my bags, she talked to me all the way to my stop.
My point being I have never forgotten her and I would do the same to anyone looking like they were panicking.
Also a few years ago a very young sobbing woman passed me in the park. I asked her if she was ok and she told me to fuck off. Now she was just taking her shit out on me the same way the woman on the plane was on you. I will never not ask another woman if she needs help if she's in distress the "Fuck off" hasn't changed that.

Gosh some people are extremely hard work aren't they. She obviously had a chip on her shoulder, there's nothing for you to cringe about.

Thanks. I don’t know why I felt so embarrassed about it, I felt even more bad for her but also just super embarrassed myself for some reason, like I made myself look an idiot. She wasn’t panicking as much by the time I smiled at her but I definitely wasn’t laughing at her but maybe she thought I was? I asked if she was ok and she looked at me like I was a mad woman. I was not imagining it I saw how distressed she got but you are right it’s probably fear and embarrassment. I would always like to think someone would be kind to my daughters if they were upset so I was only trying to be nice. It has put me off being nice to strangers a bit though. I am sure I would try to say something but maybe I would plan it with the possibility of being told to fuck off and have a get out plan and not be shocked

fear of flying sucks. I still feel horrible when it takes off but I am so much better than I was. I hope everyone with a fear finds a kind person to make them feel more at ease (or tell them to get lost 😂)