To want a day off

[Cantrememberoldusername]

I’m a single parent of 4.
3 have special needs.

other parent takes one child for one night twice a month another child for a few hours once a month.

I work full time in an emotionally demanding job.

i use most of the annual leave for the holidays but if I take a day of for myself during school time one of the children will be sent home from school. Sometimes this is intentional because they know I am home.

im exhausted.
other parent won’t take them anymore than he does and says I’m selfish for wanting time away from my children

and I don’t have anyone to have them because of their needs.

i don’t know how much longer i can do this without a rest.

I don’t have anyone to talk to so this has turned into more of an anonymous Dump of information. I did have counselling by zoom but she stopped the sessions because the children would always come in mid session and she said it wouldn’t work if I couldn’t get some time to myself but not having time to myself was one of the reasons I needed it!

Gosh, I have 2 with SN and I only manage PT work (no wrap around or holiday childcare), no wonder you are knackered. Can you take unpaid parental leave if you don't have enough AL. Just the odd day here and there to keep you afloat? Unpaid parental leave can be taken in single days of the DC are disabled (on DLA).

Can you take a day off without telling them your off work?

How are you selfish for wanting time away from your children - the other parent has significant child free time I assume? Why are they not selfish?

Ultimately, you'll be no good to anyone if you burn out. Your kids deserve a parent who has time for self care too.

I'd tell yur ex that you are burnt out and looking at resigning so you need to set up a meeting with him about changing custody or seeking greater financial support. Obviously you won't, but the hope is that it will light a fire under him and he will try to negotiate you staying in work by doing a few extra days. You need to let it be his idea though.

I'm Reay sorry, it sounds exhausting.

Take a day off but don’t tell your kids, get up and get everyone ready as usual then come home and collapse.

Your ex is a selfish idiot. What’s his excuse for time away from his dc?

I’d be tempted to send all the dc together and leave before he can stop you.
Check into a hotel for a week and see how easy he thinks your life is.

I second this. Also OP go in your usual work attire as to play along. It's nobody's business when you have a day's leave.