Being woken up early because I'm snoring

[HoldingOutForSunAndWine]

I have to be up at 630am every day, 7 days a week. It's because I care for animals (my job, not pets), so there really never is a lie in. My DH has to be up early 6 days a month. To be fair, this is because of a shift pattern where he works horrible hours, like nights shifts etc, but he still can lie in, if he chooses, for 24 days a month.

This morning, apparently I was snoring, so at 540am, he woke me up by doing a huge sigh and kind of banging his arm on the mattress. I couldn't get back to sleep. He however then fell back to sleep, and proceeded to snore (!) and is still in bed now. He will most likely get up at about 9am.

AIBU to be annoyed at this, or is it fair enough because I was snoring? I know it's not really relevant, but the fact that I never get a lie in, unless we are on holiday, makes me more resentful of being woken up at 540am.

YABU. Being the partner of a snorer can be exhausting and frankly debilitating. It kills your own sleep and remove any expectation or positive thoughts around sleep. It's so depressing and wearying, and drives you to some very dark thoughts. You both need a sit down conversation when you're calm about what you can both do to improve things.

You personally should make an appt with your gp - do you smoke? Can you lose some weight? Get a breathing aid? Give up alcohol? I have to say it - after twenty years the biggest thing that's stopped dh snoring is losing (and keeping off) three stone and vastly reducing his drinking.

For your partner, can he wear ear plugs? (Superdrug own brand foam ones have saved my marriage tbh!). Also consider sleeping separately for a while if possible, you both need some decent rest to be able to think clearly about possible solutions.

Don't hate your partner for being upset, sleep deprivation is an absolute killer. Try and work together to solve this.

agree with @HereWeGoRoundAgain ; sorry YABU.

Also partner of a dreadful snorer here and the affect of poor sleep can never go underestimated I'm afraid. Sleep deprivation is absolute torture. I've used foam ear plugs for the last 25 years and after many conversations about his snoring where he said he'd do something about it and never did, I finally told him once and for all, if he doesn't do something it's the end of our marriage. Thankfully he found an appropriate 'mouth guard' thing that has reduced his snoring by about 95%; it cost a bloody fortune but on the other hand, it was cheaper than a divorce.

Nowhere in the OP does she say she always snores!

As a partner of a snorer, I vote YABU. You don't know how long your husband was awake listening to you snore before he decided to wake you up. He could have been up all night, I often am.
If you want to sleep longer, you may just have to go to bed earlier. And I would see your GP about that snoring.

A gentle nudge would have been better but the same outcome would probably that you'd be awake given it was quite close to your wake up time.

If he is snoring try to wake him up in return

3 posters now, assuming OP is a nightmare snorer. She’s talking about one occasion. For what it’s worth OP I voted YANBU for the scenario you are describing.

I hated being the partner of a snorer. I think the one who can't sleep should move to the spare room/sofa. The person snoring deserves sleep too.

Both my DH and I are snorers and we also work odd hours.

If I was your DH I'd not have woke you, especially if you never get any lie ins and he can sleep until 9am today. I've been in a position when my DH was snoring so badly I got up and slept downstairs, but I did this because I knew I could get back into bed when he got up (at 3am in this case), and sleep until 9.

I think it's all about being considerate and a bit of give and take. He could easily have nudged you or asked you to roll over nicely which might have woken you, but it wouldn't have annoyed you as he asked nicely which meant you could have rolled over and gone back to sleep.

If the snoring is an ongoing thing and you've refused to do wanting about it, YABU, but if this was a one off then your husband is being a real dick!

Somebody snoring whilst you try to sleep for hours is awful. It makes me feel murderous so I think you got off lightly.

This. My husband only snores when he has a drink but if my gentle nudges don’t work then it’s enough for me to kick his leg for him to stop. You have no idea what he was doing before you finally woke up.

Okay, it seems IABU then.

I don't always snore. Last night we both had been drinking, and then we both snore.

I think I'm just a bit fed up of him disrupting my sleep. He often falls asleep watching the TV, so I have to get up, at say 2am and turn it off (neighbours complain), then he will come to bed at say 4am, and I'm woken again, then I'm up at 630am, whilst he sleeps in. He is trying to get better with this though.

Time for separate bedrooms!

Of all the things I have put up with in relationships, snoring was the most impactful.

Snoring denyer despite actual evidence.
Being told to sleep elsewhere.
Putting up with pissy moods from snorer after their poor sleep.
Minimising my suffering.
Trying to cope on broken sleep night after night after night.
The I'm All Right Jack attitude.
Refusal to try methods like sleeping on their side.

It was the total absolute utter selfishness and denial that got me.

Have not lived with a man in 30 years. Now it is just the cat who wakes me up.
But oh, I well remember the desperate longing to hold a pillow over someones face. Murderous rage doth not a happy marriage make.

Find a compromise or solution ASAP.

YABU. It’s absolutely fair enough because you were stopping him sleeping.

Fix your snoring or sleep elsewhere. Snorers are so selfish.

I snore and my doctor can’t find a reason for it some people just do !

It is your choice to do a job which gets you up at dawn and no one wants to lie next to someone snoring!! YABU

ah well, that's not fair on you either OP. Time for separate bedrooms!

I thought from the title you had woke yourself up with your own snoring.
I've done this.
I've snored so loudly, I've woken myself up

@HoldingOutForSunAndWine

was he trying to wake you up, or just trying to get back to sleep?

im currently single so sleeping alone and sleep very badly toss/turn/hot/cold and sometimes bang/slap the mattress in frustration. If it's something like that I'd be annoyed at being woken, but not annoyed AT him, if he deliberately woke me up I'd be livid, he could have gone & slept on the sofa for an hour then gone back to bed when I got up!!

From your update it sounds like YANBU, as he disturbs you a lot more than the other way around.

But equally I think separate bedrooms may be the answer. Even if just because of the differing shift patterns.

Neither myself or dp snore all the time. Occasionally if we roll onto our backs. If either of the other is impacted by snores we just give each other a nudge and tell them to roll over. So YABU on that count. But him waking you coming to bed at all hours, if that's a regular thing, that's unreasonable. We go to bed at the same time and I read with low light on my kindle if I don't want to sleep and he watches his phone with head phones if he doesn't.

Partner of a snorer here...he traded the traditional snoring for the Darth Vader sound that his C-Pap machine makes when the seal isn't quite right. Wakes me up multiple times a night and stops me from going back to sleep. Insanely annoying, but I move to the couch if I have to.

Husband and I both snore sometimes. We try to put up with low level heavy breathing but with loud snoring we both accept we can give the other one a gentle shove to make them turn over - usually stops the snoring for a while and at least directs the noise away. It can be horrible to listen to and stops you sleeping so your partner was not unreasonable (although technique to wake you could have been less aggressive!). If I ever wake up too early I put a boring podcast on and that usually helps me get back to sleep.