For asking her to delete the Facebook photos?

[Charl1991]

It was my DD’s christening last weekend and my sister took pictures throughout the ceremony and posted them to Facebook, I aw them a couple of days later as I don’t log in often.

We don’t ban pics of DD being posted to social media and don’t mind my sister posting the odd pic. We took some group family pics after the baptism which I plan to send to her and may not mind being shared. But I didn’t want pics of the actual baptism taken and shared, I wanted it to be private. Plus I don’t look good in candid photos and these ones are somewhat unflattering, DH hates how he looks in them too, you can’t see DD very well.

I didn’t think much of messaging her to ask if she would take the pics down, saying we’re not keen on them being on Facebook for all to see.

I’ve had loads of messages back telling me how unreasonable it is of me to ask, she’s really upset, it’s a free country she can post what she wants to her own facebook, it was a public place, I’m crazy for asking and it’s a bizarre request, and I’m vain for asking because I look bad in the picture, I always post posed ‘pouty’ pictures to try and look more attractive online and it’s pathetic. (Truthfully I barely share pics of myself to social media at all but never candid ones, usually nice ones smiling).

She did take it down but I wish I had never asked now, after all this. I thought it was normal to ask for take downs for whatever reason but she’s totally vilified and embarrassed me for it.

AIBU and was I wrong to have asked her to take them down?

I think you were most unkind to make her think it was that it is about protecting your child when really you just don’t want your ex seeing you looking a state. I’d be really upset if someone suggested to me I’d put a niece at risk- that’s a big card to play when really you just think the photos are a bit to honest

I don’t think it helped you decided to frame it as big safeguarding risk for your daughter (who you said could barely be seen in the pictures) when you’ve allowed her to post pictures of your daughter before? I would have just been honest, I look a state please delete that one DS 😉

Your sister seems totally fucking nuts with her reaction tbh. Not everyone wants to be fodder for other people's displays on social media. Bizarre. Share what you want of yourself but don't do it to other people. Especially kids.

YABU. They’re her photos. I can’t stand people who are so precious about pictures of themselves/their kids.

It’s just a photo. I wouldn’t have taken them down.

A baptism isn't a private event. Even if you had it as a separate ceremony rather than part of the usual Sunday morning service then it's still open to anyone who wandered into the church.

Why do you post pouty pictures of yourself? Those really don’t look better than just normal photos tbh am sure you are lovely and you are who you are your daughter and family see you like that so you need to try not to feel so self conscious, it’s hard though I know but you’ve upset your sister for reasons you’ve not been honest about. Was it worth it?

Op honestly, it was likely a lovely day to celebrate your lovely baby girl and I’m sure you looked lovely as did your dh. You are parents now, a family and it’s lovely having pictures to look back on, warts and all as this is real life, we aren’t all walking about looking like supermodels either.

Why is your sister so upset, would you normally fall out over something like this?

I don't think you were in the wrong at all. She's taken them down, which is the main thing. We've had similar issues in my family. People can be very defensive but she will have got the message.

I did have a ban on all photos of DD when she was born but this sister was upset about it as she said she loves sharing life updates online, so I said I didn’t mind the odd pic.

It would have been easier to stand your ground at this point. I think it's better just to unambiguously say that you don't want pictures of your children online. The tide is really turning and a lot more people are doing this now.

Send her this video, usually does the trick

Blimey, she’s a giant twat.

Your DC, your choice - and she ought to respect that as the child's parent. I wouldn't post pics of kids who aren't mine, even relatives (DNs)!

She should have asked your permission before posting. It's manners to check

YANBU.

My sister loves taking photos (and she's a genuinely good photographer) but she never asks before posting an entire album of a family event on Facebook and although I'm not particularly bothered about social media privacy, I am very self-conscious about some aspects of my appearance and there are some pictures that just make me feel like absolute shit. Yet she gets really arsey if anyone asks her to take a picture down, makes snide remarks about them being precious/vain etc.

To make matters worse, she really judges people who post selfies. So she seems to think it's OK for her to have full control over what images of people she posts, but if the same people want to post a picture that they had control over, she'll sneer.

@paintingvenice i didn’t make out it was to protect our child at all

@LadyHavelockVetinari thank you for sharing this, I think we need to seriously assess generally whether we should have any pics of DD online

@Luxell934 I didn’t pose it as a safeguarding issue I said I don’t like those pictures will you take them down?

@Shopper727 i don’t post pouting picture, just smiling ones where I’m looking at the camera as opposed to ones I didn’t know were being taken? My sister threw an insult at me that I shouldn’t only post flattering pictures saying she still posted pictures when she was fat

@CantDealwithChristmas she doesn’t like being told what to do or criticised in any way, everyone is always too toeing around her not to upset her

Just let her post them - she's a proud aunt showing off her nieces christening - it's not like you weren't going to post photos 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is more about your vanity.

If you didn't like yourself in them then of course it's reasonable to ask her to take down the ones with you in.

I really don't get the fuss of a picture of a baby on the internet. No one needs to go on the internet to see a picture of a baby or a child, they can go to their nearest park or beach or even just walk down the road - and they can freely take pictures of any of them. The real danger is children being allowed to use the internet, not someone putting up a few pictures from a christening. People need to be worrying a lot more about the access their kids have to the internet as that is far, far more dangerous.

YANBU.

My youngest DC had a lot of eSafety sessions at primary school. Her main takeaway from the first one - age around 7 - was that her dad and I are not allowed to post photos of her online if she doesn't agree with it. And she was right.

If a then 7 year old could grasp that concept your adult sister has no excuse!

I was on your side completely when I thought it was about protecting your baby’s privacy by not putting photos online.

However, as it’s just because it bothers your vanity that you aren’t photographed from a flattering angle, YABU. It’s hypocritical to allow her to post some but not all.

You should have made it clear beforehand if it was a problem. I'm not surprised she's upset. As others have said, it does seem like you just didn't like the photos and are using your dd as an excuse.

Next time make it clear beforehand! If she's got form then make your boundaries clear before she starts snapping and posting.

That was your mistake. Your baby. You shouldn't have given in to your sister.