Is my attitude towards my relationship normal?

[Karp]

DP and I have a 14 month old baby, plus children from previous relationships. Since having the baby, our relationship has changed and is understandably strained. We are struggling with a busy household, lack of sleep, demanding jobs etc.

DP has always needed and wanted more downtime than me, and he does go out regularly. He has a hobby that he does every other weekend, and usually spends at least one evening a week out with friends. Although I don’t have the same need to go out, I do understand it’s important for him. He mostly asks me if I mind, and most of the time I don’t.

Two weekends ago he went and spent the day with a friend and then stayed at theirs overnight. Last weekend he spent two days and nights away for a friend’s big birthday. Next weekend he has a stag do, and he has now just asked me if I mind if he goes out and stays with a friend again this weekend. So, that will be four weekends in a row where he hasn’t been at home.

It’s definitely not an affair for those whose mind may come to that conclusion - I know that all of these planned events / staying with friends are legit and verifiable.

My attitude is that, if he thinks this is okay behaviour, to crack on. I’ve had too many relationships that were riddled with arguments, explanations of feelings, why ‘x’ behaviour isn’t okay or is taking the piss out of me. I wouldn’t dream of taking the piss out of him (or anyone I liked) like this and I also wouldn’t want to be away from my DP or the children with such frequency. I guess my approach is just to ‘store this one in the memory’ and carry on. Just a general feeling of can’t be arsed to explain to a grown man why this really isn’t okay, and why it would be upsetting to me and the kids.

I think this would make me feel sad, like he just doesn’t want to spend his free time with you. And you could of course say no I’d like you be here this weekend, but then would he be kind of tapping his fingers wishing he was elsewhere. You can ask him to spend time with you and the children, but it’s obviously fairly pointless to ask him to want to spend time with you and the children. As in he either wants that or he doesn’t. So I think that is a bit shit and it would make me feel kind of too depressed to bother explaining it.
Also, are you kind of being used to provide childcare for your stepchildren? Although that isn’t really the problem so much as him seemingly not wanting to be with you. He sounds selfish and uncaring.

I think you do need to say. Otherwise you end up just storing up resentment until another relationship ends.

If you don't raise any objection you can't really complain. He's taking your silence as agreement that this is ok. Don't store things up or your resentment will just build and that's no good for a relationship. You need to communicate what you're feeling.

Yeah, that wouldn't be on in our household. No way. I agree though, why does he even think it's acceptable?

Look
I'm going to blunt
Men and women work completely differently
Women pick up on feelings, tone of voice, emotions, etc
Men rarely do
You have to voice everything to them
Just like you would to a child
Otherwise, they think there is no issue because you never said
You must voice everything like you do with a child
But
Learn how to voice things in a neutral tone

Instead of saying
I'm pissed you have been off four weekends
Say
We've really missed having you around over the last few weekends. I've been really struggling with things and it's been mentally straining for me. I need help and support on the weekends as I need downtime too. (Avoid using the word you...it comes across as aggressive)

How long were you together when he moved in, he may have wanted a live in nanny.