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AIBU?

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Original poster

I need help with the neighbours

9 replies

Fudgie9922 · 06/05/2024 18:40

Hi,

So I will get alot of comments but I'm just looking for advise.

We live next door to a family and they have a little girl about 2 and basically she is so loud tantrums every day and it wakes me and my children up my youngest is 8m now, for the last part we have ignored it, I've mentioned a few times that it is getting a little bit loud, kids will be kids but you can hear the mum clear as day shouting at the child no! And then the child screams at the top of her lungs banging around, I have a young child I know the terrible twos but to the point its waking us up at 6am every god dam morning!!! My son has learning difficulties and needs to be in a strict routine otherwise he meltdowns for 3 days but I can't help it I've tried noise machines he won't wear ear plugs or headphones it doesn't matter what room of the house we are in we can hear everything. I can not cope anymore especially when the little girl is screaming her head off in the garden and only wearing a tshirt nothing else at 6am some mornings i can see into thier garden from my bedroom window so any advise how to deal with this? I've even gotten mad before because it's become overwhelming and my kids can't sleep please help!!!

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 06/05/2024 18:45

I've got no advice other than talk to your older child and explain its a child making the noise it can't be helped.

You could have described my autistic son. Meltdowns in the early hours. Me constantly having to say/shout no because he's putting himself in danger and about to hurt himself. In the garden half clothed because clothes are unbearable for him.
You said the child is 2. It does get better. I think you just have to suck it up unfortunately

RedHelenB · 06/05/2024 19:02

I'd adjust my routine so 6am is the start of the day.

Ponderingwindow · 06/05/2024 19:13

You are facing two possibilities.

The first is that your neighbor is a bad parent who doesn’t even try to meet her child’s needs. The child is therefore upset. Do you think this sort of parent is going to respond well to any conversation you try to have about the issue?

the second is that the neighbor is doing everything she can to deal with a difficult child. Who recognizes that a screaming child is not good for the child and probably upsets the neighbors. If a neighbor comes over to complain about the morning noise, do you think it is going to help the situation?

if you think it might be closer to scenario 2, I would invite her over for tea and a play date. Some social contact might be good for her mental health and give her the strength she needs to keep dealing with the situation. If it is closer to scenario 1, think about moving. It’s not going to get better.

Original poster
Fudgie9922 · 06/05/2024 19:32

Ponderingwindow · 06/05/2024 19:13

You are facing two possibilities.

The first is that your neighbor is a bad parent who doesn’t even try to meet her child’s needs. The child is therefore upset. Do you think this sort of parent is going to respond well to any conversation you try to have about the issue?

the second is that the neighbor is doing everything she can to deal with a difficult child. Who recognizes that a screaming child is not good for the child and probably upsets the neighbors. If a neighbor comes over to complain about the morning noise, do you think it is going to help the situation?

if you think it might be closer to scenario 2, I would invite her over for tea and a play date. Some social contact might be good for her mental health and give her the strength she needs to keep dealing with the situation. If it is closer to scenario 1, think about moving. It’s not going to get better.

unfortunately it is closer to number 1 than 2 I wish it was number 2, I'm hoping there may be away to make things easier in my house so that I dont put pressure on the neighbour however there seems to be a "don't care" additude so speaking or trying to resolve with the neighbour is highly unlikely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fudgie9922 · 06/05/2024 19:34

PurpleBugz · 06/05/2024 18:45

I've got no advice other than talk to your older child and explain its a child making the noise it can't be helped.

You could have described my autistic son. Meltdowns in the early hours. Me constantly having to say/shout no because he's putting himself in danger and about to hurt himself. In the garden half clothed because clothes are unbearable for him.
You said the child is 2. It does get better. I think you just have to suck it up unfortunately

I have done this on multiple occasions but unfortunately he doesn't quite understand as of yet he will just cry and cry and be unsettled he only says around 20ish words at the moment but I have tried that and will continue too 😢

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 06/05/2024 19:58

What do you want her to do, gag her 2yo?

2yo are notoriously unreasonable, hence the term terrible two's. I mean, what do you want? Bargaining and reasoning with a 2yo will never work consistently, because...well she is 2!

It will get better I'm sure, but in the meantime you'll have to parent your child whilst she tries to parent hers.

Anothnamechang · 06/05/2024 20:03

When your child has 3 day meltdowns does that impact your neighbour to? Unfortunately kids are kids and regardless they are unpredictable and at times unruly and loud.

Original poster
Fudgie9922 · 06/05/2024 20:19

Anothnamechang · 06/05/2024 20:03

When your child has 3 day meltdowns does that impact your neighbour to? Unfortunately kids are kids and regardless they are unpredictable and at times unruly and loud.

No I've always made sure that we don't scream and shout in my house and we can vent our anger or frustration but screaming doesn't solve the issue as I won't be able to understand that, his meltdowns are crying but never to a point where its impacting neighbours but it means later bedtimes and lots of stimming and tears x

OP posts:
Original poster
Fudgie9922 · 06/05/2024 20:23

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 06/05/2024 19:58

What do you want her to do, gag her 2yo?

2yo are notoriously unreasonable, hence the term terrible two's. I mean, what do you want? Bargaining and reasoning with a 2yo will never work consistently, because...well she is 2!

It will get better I'm sure, but in the meantime you'll have to parent your child whilst she tries to parent hers.

Yes I understand that I was more looking at advise to resolve it and giving a point of view, I wouldn't expect anymore to do that to a child I've known terrible twos well. It's disrupting my life and routine and it's not been just a few weeks it's been nearly a year now so looking for ways to help

OP posts:
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