To be so sad about my life and how I’ve ended up like this

[FinalITSupport]

i feel utterly guilty and shameful writing this as I know some people are far worse off but I’m really at my lowest ebb.
im married to a man that is not particularly nice or kind to me he’s a great dad but after 16 years together he’s done with me sexless marriage and not particularly nice.
im very reliant on him right now as im waiting on a operation on my hips not in a position to leave all being well I could separate next year.
people do not like me at all- throughout several stages of my life school, college, work and now with school mums people fall out with me and im
pushed out of social groups. It’s happened at least 6 times and im the common denominator so it’s definitely something I’m doing.
I’ve got a disability which is hidden to the best of my ability but means I struggle to get out socially and have become a hermit in last 2 years.

sad, lonely rubbish friends, no social life anc a husband who low key hates me.

I do have the most amazing children on the world if it wasn’t for them I would end it all.
on the outside I look somewhat ok beautiful family, successful career, nice house but I’m desperately lonely

what is your disability? is there a support group where you could meet people with similar issues? No, YANBU to be unhappy, but YABU to say you have "ended up" here - you have not Ended up anywhere yet, you are still travelling xx

I'm sorry, op.

You need a plan to tackle what you can at the earliest. Get your hips tended to, and in the meantime, make concrete plans to get out of your marriage. Take forceful steps. See a solicitor, get the info you need, make sure your finances are in order, and as soon as you possibly can, leave. Being in such a miserable marriage will not allow you to make any improvements in other areas of your life.

OP - what about your parents can they house your , siblings etc, or some charitable organisations?? what about your children when you leave.?

Well you’ve highlighted what you need to do to rectify a lot of this so that’s the first step.

Sort your health out then go about ending your marriage. You say you have a successful career which is good.

Can you seek counselling in the mean time? Speak to your GP about how you are feeling - meds may help.

By leave I mean the marriage and separation not leaving my children I would sell home and have to rent or downsize

The sooner the better. Being in a loveless marriage is like having an anchor around your neck. You're always drowning, no matter what you do.

Well, you’ve got time to plan by the time you’ve had and recovered from your surgery, and your career sounds secure, so you’re not in the quandary of being unable to afford to leave and support your fabulous children. That all sounds good.

Say more about the friendship fall outs? Why are you so set on hiding your disability? Is it taking so much out of you it strains your friendships? Or your unhappiness doesn’t leave you with much energy for other relationships?

I mean, this all sounds very fixable, OP. Good luck!

i shouldn’t hide my disability I know I shouldn’t but because it’s genetic I’ve had some pretty horrid responses about having children without ivf so any new people I meet I don’t disclose and mask as much as possible really.

I have one very close friend we speak most days but she is very busy and social known her forever she’s a good one but very busy. Another 2 or 3 close-ish friends but we can go months without sorting anything out m.

Thanks for any advice and kindness it’s much needed today I’ve felt so low this weekend

I struggle to get out socially and have become a hermit in last 2 years.

Could you join some online groups.

These can be really good for people who can’t always meet in person and you get to befriend people who you would never normally meet.

Thank you there is one it’s 2 cites away but I might try it once better