To be upset son didn’t tell me about his girlfriend?

[Badabingy]

I found out this weekend that my son has had a girlfriend for 6 months and didn’t tell me. He didn’t tell me- his brother found out and announced it to the family.
He is lower sixth so of course he’s entitled to have a girlfriend and not to say anything, and I’m pleased he has met someone he clearly likes. But I just feel really sad that all this time he’s not mentioned it (not helped by his sibling, when I told them I felt sad, joked that it’s because I’m a bad mum). I am quite an open and chatty person, and he’s obviously been going off to see this girl when telling me he was going to a friends (in all likelihood I think he does go to the friends and they then head out and meet up with a group of girls, so he’s not exactly lying, just omitting information). I’d love to have the type of relationship where he feels he could talk to me about this type of stuff and am not quite sure where it’s gone wrong. Or maybe there’s nothing I could have done- it’s just the way he is? Any tips about getting him to open up in the future would be really appreciated. I’m dreading uni - I genuinely don’t think I’ll hear from him…

I’m not sure if I’m replying correctly to your message by quoting?! But anyway, thank you for this. Yes I think he’s quite shy and reserved, and I never really get much chat from him tbh. Unlike his siblings. I think perhaps it’s just the way he is. I worry that if he was going through a tough time he wouldn’t talk to me about it- I’m perhaps sensitive as a friends son committed suicide without warning.
Interestingly my husband didn’t tell his parents about me when we started going out either and he’s turned out ok!!

Agree completely, some of these replies have me scratching my head. I'd be upset if my 16yo didn't tell me about a relationship for 6 months, I'd feel exactly the same as op.

Yes I think he’s quite shy and reserved, and I never really get much chat from him tbh.

Interestingly my husband didn’t tell his parents about me when we started going out either and he’s turned out ok!!

Well, there you go then.

Exactly what a strange post. Just cause you grow up dosent mean you abandon your parents.

Seems that your DS has inherited something more than looks from your DH if he was not forthcoming about your early relationship with you.

No I am pretty chilled and don’’t mither him. I don’t get much out of him at the best of times - I do always ask how his day at school was/ night was / anything interesting happen. But I don’t push it (I think I still need to keep asking these questions otherwise I’m not sure there’s be any conversations!). Im fairly relaxed and don’t force conversations / answers/ details. On reflection I think he is just very private and there’s not much that is going to change that so I just need to accept it. I seem to have a lot of friends with sons who are very open with them about relationships etc. I was always quite open with my parents but my husband definitely wasn’t, so I think he just takes after him. My husband has a good relationship with his parents but he doesn’t talk to them (or anyone really about emotions / feelings etc, it’s just not him. And my son takes after him in many ways.

I can understand you feeling upset.

When my nephew first got a girlfriend, he didn’t tell anyone. When he eventually did, he said the reason he didn’t was because he knew everyone would want to talk about it and he didn’t want it to be a big deal. To him, he was in a relationship that was very easy, but he didn’t want it to be a talking point constantly. It wasn’t any reflection on his relationship with his mum, it is just how he is as a person.

I think something seems amiss. A 17 / 18 yo still living at home had a gf for 6 months and doesn't tell anyone or bring her home.... where are they spending all their time? I'd be a bit hurt too. Did you ask him why he didn't mention it? You don't have to make a big deal of it but if he were my son I'd ask him why the big secret? All of the commenters telling you it's none of your business are insane. If he lives in your house, it's your business (to an extent).