AIBU to miss running so much?

[MissingMyRunning]

As username says, I'm really missing my ability to run. I used to love running especially outdoors, with music on. I had a gym membership too for treadmills, cross trainers etc but am now disabled and can't run. There is an absolute fuck ton of things I miss but right now I'm literally longing to run. I miss it so much when I think of it it seems to physically pull or hurt in my chest.

This time of year is the worst, the start of nice weather and the light mornings, watching the London Marathon (I had a fundraising place via a charity and it was my pre turning 40 ambition which I couldn't do).

It's also extra bad atm because I've broken my fucking tibia which fucking hurts and can't even limp properly. My joints are fucked anyway and this week I had to order a new wheelchair to fit in our boot so that was depressing as hell - oh I lost my driving licence too so can't drive anymore. And lost my career. I have no independence anymore. I have dreams I am running and then I wake up.

I just want to have a pity party and vent and whinge, so please no "helpful" suggestions! Seriously over the last years I've tried all I can, so if anyone suggests Pilates or using resistance bands in my wheelchair, I'll fucking kill you 

Oh dear there was a missing smily wink emoji at the end before I posted! Now I look very aggressive with no sense of humour. FFS

I get you. Is there no form of exercise you can do?
When I tore a hamstring I used a strange contraption at the gym which let me use my arms.
I worked up quite a sweat while being unable to walk.
Sounds like you need to do something to replicate that endorphin rush

I am in the same position and I am gingerly trying gentle rowing.
I dream that I am running too, so I do completely get it.

What a bummer. You are entitled to your pity party and are not being unreasonable. I'm currently temporarily injured so can't run - it's shit and I get unreasonably annoyed so much quicker without the release. That's just from a few months - so you are entitled to be raging.

Reading the full post, it's not just about the running, is it? I hope that at least some part of it starts to improve. I understand the need to scream into the void.

I'm really sorry, OP. That must be so hard when it's something you loved so much. Life is so unfair at times and it seems doubly so when the running must have been so good for you! Not as if you're lamenting giving up a 30-a-day habit.

When I haven't been able to run or do lower-body exercise, I've had some respite in doing upper-body boxing moves, which can get the heart rate up. Not the same, I know.

Missed the last bit of my post which was saying that I wanted to hit something and the U/B boxing moves at least made me think I could do that! Not a suggestion for you. :)

I'm so sorry. Is it the exercise, or the freedom, that you long for? Or a combination of both?

It's completely understandable that there's a huge grieving process to go through. I think dreams can be part of that. It's not the same situation of course, but I found this book a really insightful read about the grieving and adaptation of the author losing his sight. Notes on Blindness: A journey through the dark (Wellcome Collection): Amazon.co.uk: John M. Hull: 9781781258590: Books

can you swim?

(ducks)

Sorry you’re having a tough time of it OP. Sound shit so vent away!

Bloody hell op sounds like you have really been through it, l am so sorry x

That is seriously shit and you are definitely entitled to rant!

Oh thank you all for nice messages (and I don't need to strangle anyone with my resistance bands for "helpful suggestions")

I'm restricted in other exercise as things like spine and shoulders are affected. I did use to swim too, and would love to be able to still do that gently (or just even float!) but I can't even do that alone because of epilepsy.

Re the dreams I do think part of it is the wanting independence back. I do miss the endorphins too, the closest I've come is DD running really really fast pushing my wheelchair down long corridors

Today is also a bad day as I want to water my garden (I took up gentle gardening as a shit replacement for proper exercise) My plants need feeding and watering but I can't do it because of my broken fucking tibia.

DH or DCs will do it but I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF as I am a total control freak which doesn't help. And my leg really bloody hurts.

I actually made DS take a close up photo of my plants before so I could look at them properly myself Maybe I should learn how to relax properly, I was like this at work too. I am Not Good at delegating!

My new wheelchair comes this week which should be exciting as its new and lightweight (old one is 10 years old and heavy) but I feel depressed about it and fed up as I've spent £££ on it. At least DD can push me to the park and run even faster i guess!

Oh and before I have to get my resistence bands out I can't do wheelchair racing myself...

Oh op that is shit for you. I have no suggestions “helpful” or otherwise but I just wanted you to know I had read and sympathised hugely.

I have very creaky knees and put off going to the doctors for years because I was worried they’d tell me to stop running.

hope your bone heals beautifully and quickly.

I totally get it. Nothing's quite the same as running is it? There are some mornings (not this morning when it was pouring...) when the desire to be out there and have that post-run feeling again are overwhelming.

YNBU i went from running ultras to barely running at all for over a year now after I broke my fibula. No matter how hard I try I can’t build up any mileage without developing new injury’s all over the place. I’ve spent a fortune on physio and pt sessions too but can’t get to the bottom of the issue. I miss running so much, it really was everything to me. Everything else in my life is absolutely shit but when I had running I could cope with it as I always had this massive positive in my life, now I just feel lost and overwhelmed by the shitness of everything.

Oh this is so shit for you, I really do feel so bad for you OP. As a runner myself, I completely get it-when I’ve not been able to run for whatever reason I get so stressed. It’s such a form of mental health relief isn’t it. I do a lot of walking too but running is just different. Sending you a virtual hug.

I don’t have any advice OP but I am here at the (justifiable) pity party, I will cut myself a slice of cake and listen to you rant about how shit it is, because it really does sound shit. 💐

Cake all round

In awe of ultras @NotaNorovirusFan That's a whole other level and must be really hard to come to terms with. Such a huge part of your life.

@BitOutOfPractice hope you got your creaky knees looked at? Prior preparation and all that? Im a total hypocrite there as I'm the worst for just letting stuff slide, I have so many seizure related injuries (including my latest tibia) that I would be at A and E all the time if I went for everything.

God, apart from having the ability to run, I'd give anything to live in a huge spacious bungalow. Or just to have a better brain. None of which are achievable sadly.