WIBU to text apologies now?

[Bendegedig]

I have a long history of not replying to messages. I now know at the grand old age of 42 that I am neurodiverse which explains a lot. Also have/had huge self esteem issues and a traumatic home life as a child (raised by a violent unmedicated undiagnosed neurodiverse parent whose maladaptive coping strategy was alcoholism) but working through these with a therapist.
I'm trying to make/keep friends as I don't have many. It was drummed into me from a young age that people are only interested in you for what they can get (see above) and we weren't allowed friends round. Said parent used to say horrendously wicked things about family members so I grew up understandably with a skewed view of people and the world.
I've let friendships go through my "I'm not worthy of friends so if I ignore them they'll go away which reaffirms my belief I'm no good" mentality. I'm thinking of contacting people now to apologise for my behaviour, to assure them it wasn't anything they'd done. I do not expect anything in return, at all.
Would it seem really bizarre to get a message out the blue from somebody who ghosted you years/months back though?

YABU - leave well be. I had my chance & blew it.

YANBU - send a message. It might make them feel better & could lead to a friendship.

Well personally if I were one of your old friends I'd love to hear from you.

Do it. Nothing like your background but a very good friend of mine kinda disappeared from my life. Repeated attempts by me to arrange stuff were rebuffed or cancelled on last minute so gave up.
Then ten years later her husband got in touch. I think I kinda ignored it but at some point she called and I answered. It was great to see her again and we have become friends again.

Op, some people have explained that you "trying to do a good thing" may not in fact be received as a good thing by the recipients. Mumsnet is about lots of different people posting lots of different opinions.

@Motnight Yeah, I'm completely understand that Mumsnet offers different opinions. Hence me asking for the opinions. There are similarities though in pp's opinion & my parent's though about people using others for their personal gain.

That was really cruel what you wrote to someone opening up and giving you advice.

I would accept the apology personally, but not be up for reconnecting. Not because you ghosted me, more because I'd be nervous you needed more emotional support than I could give you to be honest.

I think while your parents were clearly misguided to put it nicely, friendships are transactional like most relationships.

I don't want money or things from friends, but support goes both ways. Communication goes both ways.

I get a lot from my friends. Not because I'm a user but because why else would we be friends? My friends fill an emotional need, and I fill one for them.

I grew up in care and my friends are my family, and I gain a lot from them. Hopefully they feel the same about me.

This thread is interesting as I resonate a lot with you OP! I’m having some similar questions myself
my thoughts are

• do a few people initially otherwise you might get overwhelmed if several get back to you at once - whether good or bad responses!
• Prepare yourself for rejection
• keep it reasonably light as some have said above. Unless you were very close and really feel you wronged someone.
• I think - though I might be wrong! - that naturally people expect that some of their friends drift over time and if it was more of a natural drift and you’re not actually drawn to rekindling now, maybe leave those ones

someone reached out to me a while back where we had drifted and though I was genuinely happy to hear from them - I didn’t have capacity to really include her in my life right now. It opened the door though to the odd friendly WhatsApp exchange and I guess who knows what will happen in future

I wouldn't be thrilled to receive a message out of the blue. There is a possibility that you'd be doing more harm than good by ghosting then messaging years later.

I'd concentrate on forming new friendships, rather then raking up the past.