Not really sure where to start tbh. I have an aunt who has learning disabilities and struggles with mobility. She lives in a care home and has previously lived in supported living since her mum (my Gran) died 17 years ago. My mother is her sister and is her POA and NOK.
My mother is pretty much a narcissist and I've always had a difficult relationship with her. I moved away years ago to create distance and boundaries. My father is a classic enabler and makes up all the excuses for my mother's toxic behaviour.
My mother doesn't have any respect for my aunt and in her last care setting befriended all of the carers and turned them into her flying monkeys (reporting back on my aunt's every move, conversations etc). If my aunt did anything wrong my mother would ignore her for many weeks even months without warnings or explanation which would confuse and bring distress to my aunt affecting her mental health. The staff would blame my aunt and force her to apologise to my mother, which would feed her ego even more.
My aunt had little privacy and I worked with social services to move my aunt out of there to safeguard my aunt. My mother was unaware of my involvement in this, as she refuses to talk to me about my aunt (we've had many disagreements over the years and she doesn't want to understand more about my aunt's mental or physical health).
Now my aunt has moved she is finally getting the support she needs from staff who care. My mother however is raging that she has moved and has pretty much gone NC with my aunt, which wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't POA or NOK. My aunt is struggling with not seeing my mother and it has impacted her mental health, she'd pretty much take the negative behaviour towards her in exchange for seeing her sister.
My brother has spoken to my mother about my aunt's needs, mental health etc but my mother is not interested. My father defends my mother's view point saying she's "narrow minded and needs to be led as she won't think to visit" my aunt. He also doesn't want to get involved as he wants a quiet life - she can get pretty nasty.
My mother has decided to relinquish POA to the local authority however I have stepped in as I didn't want strangers making decisions for my aunt. Which has infuriated my mother as she doesn't want me involved with my aunt.
Since starting the POA process I've discovered my aunt's finances are in a mess due to my mother lacking capability /wanting to act in my aunt's best interests.
My aunt also has a brother who also does not contact or see her much. My mother and him do not talk to each other, due to my mother's attitude towards him.
My aunt leads a lonely life and I wish I could do more for her. I live 100miles away and have 2 young children. I do see her once a month and take her out however. There's no option to move my aunt closer to me as she is strongly attached to the local area and does not cope well with change.
My mother and her brother live 3 miles away from her and have not seen her since Christmas.
I have not spoken to anyone about all of this as I don't know where to start and worry I won't be believed. My mother has carved herself out as a community figure who is respected by many. She would also turn this around onto me.
Thanks if you've got this far 🙂