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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sleepovers for tweens

4 replies

motherbear43 · 05/05/2024 22:02

Ds is in year 7 and will turn 12 in a few weeks. Since starting senior school there seems to be a lot of sleepovers happening with new friends and I've noticed these are mostly organised by the kids and often the parents don't know the other parents, haven't spoken to them and don't always know where they live.

I get that this is par for the course and I did much the same in teenage years (maybe that's why I'm reluctant - I remember what we'd get up to!) but I still feel a bit uneasy about it.

Ds isn't overly bothered about attending or having friends sleep here. He's happy going out and seeing friends or having them back to ours for a few hours but hasn't expressed much desire to sleep out or have friends stay over. I'm grateful in a way as I have two younger kids (one a toddler) and two very old dogs who would all be disturbed by a room of loud teenage boys. But equally I wonder if I should be facilitating this more.

If im truly honest the idea of having my house full of rowdy lads overnight isn't appealing but I don't want ds to miss out when the time comes and he wants people over.

What are your thoughts? Do you have them? Do you allow your pre teens to sleep out without much info on the parents? I know some parents who are really chilled about it and others (like myself) who just want to hold off until the kids are a bit older.

OP posts:
Mermaidsarereal · 06/05/2024 10:27

My DD has just turned 12 (also Y7) and she's the same, has a whole crew of new friends that she is desperate for me to meet! My DD is an only child so I'm quite happy for her to have her friends sleep at ours and it seems that her friends are asking if they can sleep at ours too as they have younger siblings who might annoy them or no room etc.

I've said to my daughter that it might be helpful for me to have friends mums number so that I can pop them a text to say that they're OK at some point in the evening but I guess all kids have their own phones now so if they were unhappy they could always text or call their parents.

My daughter isn't fussed on sleeping out (unless it's grandparents house) so I haven't been in that situation since she started secondary school but she has a tendency to ignore my messages so I'd hope that if she did sleep out her friends parent could message me to let me know she's OK.

mitogoshi · 06/05/2024 10:32

It's something that you get used to, that is not knowing the parents. Kids are ready for this stage at different ages so you need to use your judgement and i wouldn't push it, be led by them - one of mine never did a sleepover elsewhere and the youngsters i hosted at mine I knew myself as they were church friends and I was the safeguarding person, the other parents liked me hosting "camp overs" consequently, a lot safer than letting 16 year olds go off on holiday alone

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 06/05/2024 10:44

I do not have sleepovers, I’ve got a full time job and when the kids are here that’s already 4 kids the LAST thing I need or want is other peoples kids / more kids on my only down days!

no one seems that bothered tbh!

Spinlet · 06/05/2024 11:06

If he's not asking for it then leave well alone. He'll let you know if it's important to him.

Sometimes it's a great relief to kids when their parents say "no" to things.There's no no need to push it on him either. If he is secretly reluctant to have sleepovers then you "facilitating" them gives him nowhere to hide. They're young, he's got plenty of time.

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