Can’t forgive myself

[sbappy]

I snapped at DH today in front of our 20 month old. DH was holding him and I just lost it, really snapped at DH quite loudly (following an ongoing argument). DS’s face dropped, he looked upset and confused and was frowning then started to cry a tiny bit. I can’t get the image out of my head. I have been crying on and off since it happened. We’ve argued now and then before but never like that where ds was right in the middle and could see my facial expression etc. I don’t know why I’m positing really. Dh has tried to re assure me but I feel utterly dreadful

Pull yourself together. Your baby cannot live in a bubble where no one ever gets angry. So long as he's not living in a domestic war zone, he'll learn to cope with and understand the occasional snap or raised voice. You're human and these things happen to all of us.
Stop crying now.

Being exposed to domestic abuse causes emotional harm to a child.

If you are having outbursts you cannot control please seek help from your GP for some support.

Being angry is a normal emotion. You wouldn't want your child to grow up learning you have to suppress your emotions. What's important is how to deal with it afterwards and apologising.

You are human and the fact you feel so awful about it shows you are a good Mum who clearly cares about how your LO saw you today and will keep that in mind in the future. As long as it isn't a regular occurrence he won't remember, only you will. Please let it go and be kinder to yourself, your husband has which is good.
Also I'm a parent and have done the same in the past. You aren't the first and won't be the last.

I second this!

Christ almightly. Thats quite the reach. Most of us are human beings and do lose our tempers occasionally. Its how we deal with it afterwards that sets the model.

Just learn from it OP.

Well just be grateful you never farted as well.

MissAmbrosia if "setting the model" is "losing it" then squaring it away afterwards I pity your children.

Please can all the previous posters stop minimising OP's actions here.

OP please seek some help if you are losing it at your DH when he is holding your child. You could have startled him to drop your child which would have caused him harm.

Its clear you are sorry. Please don't make it about you needing reassurance as you " feel so bad". Your son needs reassurance, and healthy communication modelled. please make a plan so your child is not exposed to this again. I say this as a child protection social worker.

@pictoosh agree

You could have startled him to drop your child which would have caused him harm.

Oh honestly - if a slightly loud noise is enough to make someone drop a toddler they probably shouldn't be holding them in the first place. She didn't creep up behind him, she snapped at him during an argument he knew was happening.
I'm not saying OP's actions were ideal but this is such a stretch.

OP it's not the end of the world. Life is full of moments that we'd do differently if we could go back again. You've apologised and hopefully resolved to walk away and cool off if you feel angry like that again. You've got a 20 month old which is full on so I expect you're both tired and occasionally snappy! Put it behind you and move on.