MIL said my 2 year old is manipulative

[Sunshine1996]

DS turned 2 a couple of weeks ago. MIL moved around 3-4 hours away when DS was first born so has never had a close relationship with him, and also has made it clear she prefers my DD who is 3.
DS has severe glue ear in both ears confirmed by the hospital and we are waiting for grommets, it’s impacting his hearing and speech. DS does get frustrated and can have normal 2 year old temper tantrums. He’s also a runner, climber.. all the things DD wasn’t. While seeing us over the last few days MIL has said he is a nightmare, way worse than my partner ever was (who she also labelled a nightmare child) and today she called clever but very deceiving and manipulative? How can a just turned 2 year old be manipulative? I hold my hands up and say he can be tricky but it breaks my heart how she never has anything nice to say about him.

Thank you all for your replies, makes me realise I’m not just being over protective feeling this. It gets worse, today DS had just woken from a nap. He gets clingy when he’s first woken up. She told me to put him down so I did. He was distraught and really crying. She just told me to ignore him and don’t go to him. She was laughing and said how funny it was to listen to him cry as it wasn’t her child and what a fuss he was making over nothing.
Again she made the comment how awful he was compared to my partner. Luckily DH stepped in picked him up and I took him to another room. I was almost in tears as I just can’t believe how horrible she is to him.

After your update, OP it’s probably best to create some distance. The part about laughing at your two year old crying made my stomach turn. Don’t take her advice, I’d suggest if your DS bothers her to the point she feels the need to be cruel, she should not bother coming over.

Some people actually don’t like children. Your MIL sounds like one of them. She seems to want your son to control his very normal, age appropriate reactions, yet she can’t control herself from being an absolute prick!

Shes a nasty bitch who wouldnt be getting within 100 metres.of my kids

I’ve spoke to my partner and he agrees what she is doing is wrong and I am so worried the effect on DS when he starts to realise when he’s older. He is going to speak to her tomorrow after work. I am now worried though as I am seeing her tomorrow as it’s my day off so I’ll be on my own with her, DS and DD. Absolutely dreading it!

Your husband needs to tell his mum to stop it, that's enough.

But. You're the mummy, you know your little one, please don't take any more notice of her suggestions. If Ds needs a cuddle, attention, a post-nap snack* go ahead.

*Mine were shockers for being hangry after nap time, a malted milk biscuit to the rescue more than once.

Don't spend your day off with her tomorrow OP. Stand up for yourself and you poor DS! He doesn't deserve to be spoken about like this

Why?

Why in fuck would you put a toddler - who can't fucking hear much - anywhere near that woman again tomorrow?

Grow a spine and do something nice with the children. Don't subject him to her another second.

WTF are you seeing an unpleasant woman in your free time?

Your DH is responsible for his mother, not you.

Cancel now. Tell her you can't make it as you are washing your hair.

Please don't see her again tomorrow. Your DH needs to speak to her before she is anywhere near your son again.

Don't let her dictate how you parent.

How ironic she is manipulating you while accusing a baby of being manipulative.

She doesn't just sound stupid, she sounds cruel.

Not a chance I would be putting my son in a position where he has to spend any more time with her than is absolutely necessary.

She doesn't deserve a close relationship with your children because she is cruel and labelling your son with harmful descriptions while also making your daughter the golden child - all kinds of toxic and harmful. And no good for anyone. Making you anxious, causing tension between you and DH, trying to make your son the 'bad' one and your daughter the 'good' one.

Being a parent means putting your children first. Hold onto that and make decisions with that front and centre. She isn't an appropriate adult to be in a position of influence in their lives.

The fact you did what she said when your baby was crying for you (I understand you were caught in the back foot so went along with it without time to think) shows she has no respect for you as a mother and no regard for your son's wellbeing.

You don't have to have her in your home alone without DH there to act as a United front or deal with her ridiculousness himself. Please don't put yourself through that tomorrow

FFS children of 2 do what's needed to get their needs across, it's just what they do! They develop, learn more complex ways to get their voices out and grow! I'd rather have a2 year old who can get their needs across than sit there like a doll.
Your DH does need that conversation, her nonsense isn't acceptable or needed, you'll find your way, so will he and I've no doubt he'll grow up well rounded, with caring parents, kids don't do well with negativity hurled at them so your mil needs to butt out

I do not understand at all why you put him down on her say so. I'd have walked away from her, holding him, till he settled, her command would have been instantly ignored. Yes, definitely.

Protect him.

you forgot the 'tinkly laugh' at the end

Why did you listen to her when she told you to ignore him? Not to blame just to question your reaction, was it fear of her or surprise? Either way why are you seeing her tomorrow?