This is very long so to cut it short- DD often mistakes peoples tones for nastiness when it is not, she perceives that she has been shouted at when she hasnt ( not just me, by teachers, staff members at clubs she attends ) ..... unless you are very very happy and upbeat DD immidialty takes it as a slight and that someone is being unkind to her ---- how do I help her with this as I am upset and frustrated
Since having CBT 2 years ago I realised that I didnt have to believe every thought or feeling I had and that somtimes our brains lied to us...... absolutely life changing information, prior to this I had lived my life thinking if I felt it then it must be true. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I have an ASD assessment in a few months
Since learning this information I have tried really really hard and it has definetly helped, I still feel these feelings ect but I can talk myself down a lot easier now and try to be more logical ... and during these last 2 years I have also been trying to help DD9 learn what I learnt in CBT
She has had her own counselling these past 2 years with a few different counsellors, everyone is in agreement she has suspected ASD and she we are waiting on CAHMs
I'm finding it harder and harder with her.
Logically, I know her brain perceives things differently, I really do get that. But why isnt she learning what I and others are trying to teach her?
It just feels like she is hellbent on being sad and offended all the time. I'm just so drained by it all.
We had a chat today again about if somthing is bothering us, to use our words and if we cant, then write it down. She has received the same advise from counselling. The chat was because she misplaced her tablet this morning, I sent her downstairs to look for it and called her up after around 10 minutes and she was sobbing. I'd said "come on now, we dont need to cry about it lets have a look in your room instead"
She was still crying in her room so d asked her what was wrong, she said "I dont know" which is a common answer. So I broke it down and named the feelings and asked if she was annoyed because she had to look for her tablet. She said yes so I'd told her let's stop looking for it and read a book instead ( trying to find different ways to distract her as once she is upset it stays with her all day ) and we had a cuddle
After around 10 minutes later she asked how long milk could be left out for without turning bad, I asked why and she said because the milk was on the table downstairs. I immediately realised that she must of decided to make somthing to eat downstairs and I've called her up in the middle of her making it, disrupting what she was doing ( which does make her upset)
So then we spoke about using our words and that if she had said she was in the middle of making somthing to eat I would of said not a problem, carry on. But I'd assumed she was upset about the tablet, because she didnt say
She said she couldnt say as she couldnt speak.... this is common too, she does just end up saying I dont know frequently when she is upset
Once she had finished eating we had another cuddle and spoke again about what we could do differently next time then we both went upstairs into our rooms.
I hear DD crying again so go in and ask if she is okay and she says that she is upset because of the tone of voice I used when talking to her
I didnt use a horrible tone of voice. I was just speaking factually. Ik really really frustrated that we have had a big positive chat on how to communicate better in the future so this didnt happen again and instead of listening to my words and taking on the information, she has decided to focus on the tone of voice and that's what shes taken away from the conversation
I'm getting so fed up of this. I know it's not her fault and i know it's just about learning different ways to help her communicate but I'm just at a loss on how to help her now
At this point it really does just feel like she is hellbent on being sad and offended all the time, she will not let anything go and if she is upset she stays upset for the entire day.
I hate to say it and I know it's just because I'm upset but it honestly feels like shes stealing time from me now. It's like every day I'm giving her a little tool bag to try and make her day easier and as soon as my back is turned she throws the toolbag away and then cries because she is struggling. But I still give her a new toolbag every day, somtimes with a new thing inside it,
It's starting to really drain me and make me feel so sad. I had no idea it was susoected ASD until last year but it all makes sense, she has so many of the same behaviours and reactions
She is so clever and has an amazing memory, her memory has always been her strong point, which makes it even more frustrating that she cant seem to remember the things me and the proffesionals are telling her.
She doesnt have any friends at school and had her parents evening last week, the teacher asked her which child she would like to play with and the teacher would make it happen....... that's how much she is struggling... their 9 years of the teachers dont usually arrange friends at this age
I do know it's not her fault, it makes me feel like a failure that nothing I am doing seems to be working
I know it has logically, because she used to self harm a lot and have extreme melt downs at school and she doesnt anymore, but this constant finding offence and hurt when there is none.... but there is to her because it's her perception
I just dont know what to do or how to help her and it makes me feel so sad and frustrated.
I've suffered with my MH my entire adult life, I've never wanted that for her yet it's like shes going to end ul feeling exactly like I do yet I'm doing everything I can to avoid it
But clearly it's not everything I can becaus i cant figure out how to help her with this