To think this relative is taking the p?

[noseyboutthedog]

Mine and DH birthday came and went, relative (relatively close one of his) did not acknowledge his birthday at all. Did not send a message or attempt to call. Which is fine, maybe they were busy. Used to be very close but not so much anymore.

Their birthday rolls around a month later. DH and I both send a message and wish them a lovely day. They read it and don’t reply.

A couple of days later, DH gets a not-so-nice message which included ‘was that the best you could do, you’d expect that kind of message from a colleague and not your relative.’

They also didn’t acknowledge our wedding day, which DH was a bit sad about, but seem to expect grand efforts back from DH/I which feels just bizarre as it’s not as if we see them regularly anymore.

If it matters, it’s an older relative not a sibling or cousin.

AIBU?

Yanbu, obviously.

Well of course you reply, “You ignored both our birthdays so thought a cheerful happy birthday was more than enough?”

He did

Didn't you say, well as you didn't acknowledge our birthdays or wedding day, I thought that's the way you were going.

Can't have it both ways Mable/Arthur

Problem solved then I don't know what the issue is. He's explained why he sent a crappy text message. What's the deal now?

It might have been useful to include that in your original message.

Did the close relative forget in previous years, or was this a one-off?
If the latter, it's all a bit tit-for-tat.

Previous years too. They never send presents or cards but expect them back. Very much older generation and very affluent which is why I resent this a bit more, as they knew for a point that we weren’t earning much but still wanted gifts and made a bit of a fuss if they didn’t get them

'We took the lead from the level of effort you put in for us,'

How weird and rude. Like 'you must send me a card and gift with no meaning behind it just because I'm going to make you feel guilty if you don't' fucking charming.
I'd not bother even text them next time. What is the point of your relationship with them? I'd say there's no love lost so just ignore them.

was that the best you could do

”Still better than you did.”

This sums it up ^ nicely.

I wonder why you are even bothering with these people?

Is it a grandparent

And to that she responded with...