To have suggested DD wait at train station?

[Moneypennywise]

Trivial one but would appreciate other views. Currently on a weekend away in the UK with 2 DC. DD12 keeps complaining that she doesn’t want to go anywhere and just wants to read her book in the hotel room. Yesterday I got annoyed because she kept saying she didn’t want to go on a quick train ride to view a scenic spot (20 mins there and 20 mins back). DD had been very happy browsing alone in the WHSmith at the train station for 10-15 minutes so I suggested that she could just sit at the train station and read her book while waiting for other DC and I to return (within the hour). DD was upset that I’d suggested this and said I was abandoning her. She would have had her mobile phone and this was in the middle of the day with lots of other people (busy terminal station). AIBU to have even suggested it?

We all have to do things we don't like. Insisting on the short train ride is just another step in your DD accepting this.

I don't know the station concerned or the area, but I think your DD could have been approached were she there by her own, probably by someone well meaning, though could be someone not so.

I feel the same.

I would have insisted she suck it up and go along with you. I have a ds the same age btw.

Sorry but leaving a 12 year old child alone at a station away from home is a terrible idea.

I think she's at that age where she's not going to enjoy family breaks unless you can invite a friend along.

Is there any chance you can do that? Or is there a family member who can look after her so she doesn't have to go?

She could read her book on the train? My kids don’t get to refuse to do things, they are kids. They suck it up!

Well I don't think you were being at all unreasonable. She's 12 so I'm assuming she goes to secondary school on her own??

I think the book reading is a red herring here.

It'd be all the same if she refused to get off her phone and spend time with you on a weekend break.

And no, you can't just leave her at a station.

My parents would have done as you suggested. I LOVED it and am an extremely confident and independent adult now.

YANU

There is also this very good point!

sounds very irritating op.

Haha, I was supposed to be quoting youcannotbetakingthisseriously 😀

So she didn't want to do the train ride, she didn't want to see a beauty spot, but she also didn't want to be left,....so she wanted you both to do what she wanted ie nothing!
I'm not sure I'd have left her but I would definitely have suggested her options were to come on the train or to remain on her at the station. You weren't abandoning her you were giving HER the option.
She just wanted her own way. BTWat 12 I'd have loved to have read a book on a train!

It's not a suggestion I would have made. However, I get your frustration, as I wouldn't have wanted to leave her in the hotel room either. But if she wanted to read, she could have read on the the train.

Not sure if you have other family nearby, but could one option next time you plan any time away is for her not to come? She maybe horrified at the suggestion, but it might make her realise that it's not always about her and what she wants to do.

Have the DCs had a chance to choose activities?
The agreement is then each has a choice, but everyone has to participate in all activities chosen.

But to answer your question - no I wouldn't have left a 12 yo alone at a strange railway station. Depending on the girl and the hotel set- up, I might have left her at the hotel.

12 is a difficult age - too old really for a lot of primary school activities, but in the cusp of having the independence of being left alone/allowed to go places on their own. I think there needs to be a bit of flexibility - especially if there are younger siblings too accommodate too.

She is 12yo. Why are you letting her dictate what’s happening? I would have told her so sad, too bad. She could read the book on the train.

I sympathise with your DD as I was the same at that age and never wanted to go along with my parents on holiday. I had zero interest in 'activities' or days out. And I usually had my head in a book too! But in this case I'd just tell her she was coming, end of, and she could read on the train.

This.
She is being a spoilt brat and sabotaging your trip. Ok it may not be the most exciting plan for her, but sometimes you have to suck it up and spend time with family. She’s 12, she doesn’t make the plans, and I certainly wouldn’t be going away to sit in a hotel room.

This is why I flatly refused to go on holiday with my parents around this age and went to stay with my granny instead.

We don't know she's a spoilt brat though. Has anything been planned that was her choice? Is the final straw for her. No she doesn't make the plans, but may be at 12 she should be consulted when plans are made.