Want to quit my job...Feel like failure

[JumboJim]

Been here 3 weeks.
I have been self employed for 20 years.
I wanted a change and was worried my industry was collapsing.

I like my manager but I hate working for a company. Hate the concept, hate the set hours. This company is really flexible and it still feels too arbitrary to me. I don't want a boss. I miss doing things on my own terms, my own way.

I'm having real trouble sleeping and feel so stressed and shaky. Even though I worked more hours self employed, somehow it didn't feel as many. The uncertainty and unpaid sick leave etc never bothered me. I'd rather that than work for a company. I hate that somebody owns my time. My clients owned my output, never my schedule.

I feel like a failure for leaving but I just don't want to do this. I feel guilty towards the company. I never expected to feel this strongly about it, its made me grateful for what I had.

YABU = Stick it out
YANBU = Leave ASAP

Well there's nothing wrong with wanting to be your own boss so think of this as a learning curve rather than a failure. I would stick at it as you might come to like it once you get used to the change. If you don't then become self employed again.

I’d stick it out, 3 weeks doesn’t give you much time to adjust and focus on your new work place. I’ve always felt 6 months gives me time to settle, find my feet, adjust to a job change and plan for what’s ahead only then will I know if I’m going to be happy there or not.

Can you go back to self employment or do you need to rethink who you are employed by and how?

I was in a very similar position. I took a full time job that I hated - with the benefit of hindsight I was punishing myself for the failure of my career as a contractor (which I now realise was nuts.)

After about 18 months I woke up, realised I could go part time, found a job that made much better use of my skills and experience, and carried on with that right up to retirement.

Really interesting, thanks for sharing your experience.
My career as self employed was going just fine, I could go back again tomorrow. I was more anticipating the bottom falling out of things, but working at this company has actually given me a lot of insights and ideas, I realise now that I had been being a bit lethargic and very passive with my business in the later years, and have quite a few new ways I think could really help me future protect it.

If you're not happy then get out. Life is too short to put yourself in a miserable situation.

After I worked for myself the concept of ever working for anyone else again with the arbitrary rules, set hours, endless pointless meetings seemed impossible for me. So much time wasted on the strictures and routines that companies have to make up to exist.

I'd leave tomorrow if I was you. That way, you can wake up on Tuesday and it will have all gone away and you can get on with your proper life.

Thank you. I guess I was really naive. I was expecting this but I wasn't expecting how it would make me feel at all.

If your se business could still doing OK you probably want to go back ASAP before having to build it up again.

Is there a conflict of interest between current role and se business? Or anything in your contract that prevents you working se again after working in this job?

You have made a huge working culture change, and it has only been three weeks.

I would not read too much into the stress immediately, you are understandably going through an adjustment period.

It is fine to go back to self-employment, but you made this move for rational reasons so it might be good to give a little time for your emotional response to settle.

But if you know it isn't for you, it isn't for you.

I would find a part-time job so you have some money coming in and focus on developing your self-employment/consultancy work the rest of the time.

You could also look at doing temp contracts so you are not tied to one organisation.

I completely understand by the way. I work part-time and am self employe the rest of the time and I absolutely hate office politics, constant unnecessary meetings and all the bullshit that comes with most office role. I always feel like I am back at school and being treated like a child...

Totally understand. It actually occured to me that in the future if I do want to try employment again, I might look for something that isn't office based, something that's more physical.
My SE work is doing fine, I was more thinking (overthinking?!) ahead to future industry changes, but I've had a few ideas (thanks to being at this company) for what I can do to mitigate that going forward.