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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel my boss doesn’t care

6 replies

epmemcs1967 · 04/05/2024 23:01

I recently dealt with the loss of a very close family member. I work full time Mon-Fri and in the two weeks leading to their death I spent the time outwith work at the hospital (other family members were there during the time I was at work. As we knew they were dying, the hospital didn’t put a limit on visiting time so I would be there until midnight and then up early for work the next morning.
On the day before their death I received a call saying it looked like the end was near so I asked my boss to leave early which they allowed with them asking if I could let them know if I would be in the next day. This was the first time I had told anyone at work about the situation and I was visibly upset. Fortunately they improved later that day so I was in work the next day. I texted my boss to say I would be in however they did not reply. When my boss arrived they did initially ask how were things and I gave the update. That was the last time my boss spoke to me that day and it was a real struggle to make it through that day (owing to the late nights and knowing the end was very near). My family member died that night. Since then I feel very resentful towards my boss feeling like they have no empathy and that they should have checked in to see how I was or could’ve responded to my text. They passed me numerous times so it’s not like they had to go out of their way. I have never cried at work in the 6+ years of working there before this so it’s not like I’m someone who is always emotional.

OP posts:
Valid8me · 04/05/2024 23:08

Sorry for your loss 💐but I think YABU.

Your boss did ask how things were when you arrived, how many more times that day were you expecting them you ask for an update?

PrincessArora · 04/05/2024 23:29

So sorry for your news, but you are being completely unreasonable . You didn’t say anything to your boss about your undoubtedly very stressful situation. And when you did they were accommodating with leave etc. they did ask you and you updated them, what more did you actually want from them? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but not sure what else they could have done?

CountryMumof4 · 04/05/2024 23:36

I'm very sorry for your loss - it sounds like you've had an incredibly tough couple of weeks.

Regarding your boss situation, I'd probably have told them sooner so that they were aware of your circumstances. Given they checked in with you when they saw you, I don't think you can have expected more at this point. They may have felt that to raise it again would cause even more upset. If this is a close family death, I'm assuming you'll have a couple of weeks off - hopefully, you'll be supported as needed when you get back in.

You'll be feeling very upset and raw at the moment - completely understandably. Take this time to get your head round things. Take care.

Didimum · 04/05/2024 23:44

You have my sympathies but it doesn’t sound as if your boss did anything wrong. They allowed you the time off you wanted for an unexpected visit and did check in the following day. Your boss is there to support your working issues, not your emotional ones. If your emotional issues are impacting work then you need to speak up, ask for support or take leave. I’d kindly suggest the emotion and exhaustion you’re experiencing is effecting your response.

Hankunamatata · 04/05/2024 23:48

Your boss couldn't win in this circumstance. If they giver or constantly checked up they would have been overbearing. Instead they treated you like an adult allowing you space to carry on on.

Butterfly44 · 05/05/2024 00:18

You're overreacting. And grieving so let time pass

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