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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really dislike partner?

13 replies

jennacass · 04/05/2024 21:38

We are parents to a beautiful 6 month old baby but now I am finding that I am starting to really dislike my partner and want to leave him.

I'm not sure if my reasons are just my hormones and that I am making a big deal or my feelings are totally justified.

I do 95% of our baby's care, all partner does is make up the bottles and get up with our son at the weekends and let me have a lie in.

He will only do the one feed at the weekends (the morning feed).

Our son has some kind of allergy and regularly brings his food up and has now been referred to the allergy clinic.
It is extremely difficult to anything and some days I don't even have time to shower.

My partner will come back from work and will literally fall asleep.
He rarely ever helps me in the week day and I will literally be doing everything whilst watching him sleep.

It really infuriates me as then he compares me to his mates partners who cook and have sex with them.

We live of takeaways as I just don't have the time to be cooking when my son is being sick every 10 minutes and I have to keep changing his clothes as I dont want him to get a cold.
My partner does not understand that I don't even have time to shower let alone have sex!

I am really fed up with his attitude and I am thinking of fleeing to refuge as at times he is also very abusive to me (verbally) and makes me feel so bad about myself.

He says I block him from seeing his family, but I don't.
He says I stop him living his life and doing things.

I really don't, it makes me cry when he says this as I have nobody to help me and I have begged him crying to help me more as sometimes I just can't cope.

I have to hold my son up for 2 hours after every feed and I don't go bed until 1am just to stay awake to ensure he isn't sick on his clothes.

I just expect him to help me at the weekends to give me a bit of break as I am so exhausted.

I buy majority of our sons stuff and pay the bills as he is very right with money.

Partner is now out with his friend who he hasn't seen for months (my fault as I block him).
He was supposed to help me bath our son and take him out but again it's left to me.

I am just so fed up and feel so depressed.
Even when he is here he will just be sleeping or grinding me down and making me feel like I was dead but I have to be strong for my son.

I just don't know what to do anymore

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/05/2024 21:42

Can you start to make plans to leave? Has the GP said that things will get easier when the bany is weaned?

HungryandIknowit · 04/05/2024 21:43

Leave and go back to the doctor with your baby.

Original poster
jennacass · 04/05/2024 21:48

I'm talking to Women's Aid and trying to get a refuge but would need self contained due to my son's medicine being kept in the fridge.

I call every day in hope there is a space.

I have just stayed to wean my son now as he just turned 6 months old.

OP posts:
Garlicks · 04/05/2024 21:51

Well done. Keep calling - wishing you a good result, soon.

Comingupriver · 04/05/2024 21:55

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Firstly has your baby been checked for tongue and lip toe? My daughter had lip tie and vomited constantly until it was addressed ( after numerous other diagnosis).

secondly you do not and will never need permission from anyone to leave someone. If you want to do it, it’s as simple as that.

thirdly, have you took your partner how you feel? Do you have any support in real life?

G123456789 · 04/05/2024 22:04

I sometimes wonder about my fellow men...actually no, he isn't a man.

I'm going a bit John Wayne, you know that but in every film where he makes his statement (although in the searchers it's Mrs jorganson who does it...anywsy)

A man gets up in the morning and his first thought is of his family. He goes to work, but appreciates his wife does too, so he does those jobs his grandfather never did. He cooks, he irons, he cleans.
A man enjoys taking care of his children. He plays with them, he educates them, he cleans up after them. He is their role model.
A man works for his family. He might be tired, but if they are short of cash he takes a second job.
A man knows his wife needs rest too, so he does the night feeds, perhaps only at weekends, depending on their situation.
A man provides, not money wise, but he provided strength, stability, hope and example. He is emotionally available and sometimes he needs help and is man enough to say.

Your husband and I am so sorry that this is the case, is none of these. Be strong, leave, you deserve better.

Comingupriver · 04/05/2024 22:06

Comingupriver · 04/05/2024 21:55

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Firstly has your baby been checked for tongue and lip toe? My daughter had lip tie and vomited constantly until it was addressed ( after numerous other diagnosis).

secondly you do not and will never need permission from anyone to leave someone. If you want to do it, it’s as simple as that.

thirdly, have you took your partner how you feel? Do you have any support in real life?

*tie

Original poster
jennacass · 04/05/2024 23:42

@Comingupriver

Hi they suspect my son has CMPA, I think they checked him for tongue tie when he was first born as part of the newborn checks at the hospital but I'm not sure.

I will book an appointment with my GP and discuss tongue tie with them.

I have minimum support here as my family live 40 mins away.

OP posts:
Original poster
jennacass · 04/05/2024 23:43

G123456789 · 04/05/2024 22:04

I sometimes wonder about my fellow men...actually no, he isn't a man.

I'm going a bit John Wayne, you know that but in every film where he makes his statement (although in the searchers it's Mrs jorganson who does it...anywsy)

A man gets up in the morning and his first thought is of his family. He goes to work, but appreciates his wife does too, so he does those jobs his grandfather never did. He cooks, he irons, he cleans.
A man enjoys taking care of his children. He plays with them, he educates them, he cleans up after them. He is their role model.
A man works for his family. He might be tired, but if they are short of cash he takes a second job.
A man knows his wife needs rest too, so he does the night feeds, perhaps only at weekends, depending on their situation.
A man provides, not money wise, but he provided strength, stability, hope and example. He is emotionally available and sometimes he needs help and is man enough to say.

Your husband and I am so sorry that this is the case, is none of these. Be strong, leave, you deserve better.

Edited

Thank you for your kind words.

OP posts:
Comingupriver · 04/05/2024 23:45

And lip tie. It’s regularly missed. Google done images and take a look.

I hope you find a way forward to live a good life with your dear child.

MyNDfamily · 21/07/2024 19:14

jennacass · 04/05/2024 23:42

@Comingupriver

Hi they suspect my son has CMPA, I think they checked him for tongue tie when he was first born as part of the newborn checks at the hospital but I'm not sure.

I will book an appointment with my GP and discuss tongue tie with them.

I have minimum support here as my family live 40 mins away.

Is it CMPA or CMPI. My son had this, I think the milk you need is neocate, it's made completely of amino acids and is game changer. The GP can easily prescribe this without any tests. CMPA is very dangerous, surely they can't leave you like this. Go back and explain the impact it's having on you.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 21/07/2024 19:17

Get a mini fridge to plug in next to the bed, then you won't need self contained? They come up on market place quite often.

Passmetheaero · 21/07/2024 19:21

Could you move in with relatives?

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