Work colleagues & DH

[Tuio5]

My DH works hybrid in London in the office. He hates nearly everyone there; he’s always so down. He won’t move to another company as he’s sector is volatile.
He has a few male friends there and one female friend. Maybe I am being unreasonable, but the way he speaks of her or the way he speaks to her is making me uncomfortable. She makes him laugh, she's so smart, etc. The other day, I caught him asking her on the phone” so what do you think of me in that situation”. A strange thing to ask. He often calls her when wfh. There are no other reasons not to believe him - he doesn’t stay late at work. But when I did come to the office once he didn’t introduce me… all fine or I am being weird?

I haven't really got any advice, but I think I would feel a bit suspicious, too. Have you spoken to him?

You should trust your instincts.
You are obviously picking up on something with your DH's relationship with his colleague that is more than a normal working relationship .
Perhaps you should be asking him to introduce you to her.

No, I haven’t said anything, as he’s home on time. He never drinks after work. We live miles from London, so he must catch a train.
I feel he shares too much with her - I overheard him discussing his childhood. He’s generally not chatty to anyone - and not this level of emotional closeness. But at the same time, I know he’s not up to anything as he’s with us on the weekends, he doesn’t travel for work, he’s home on time. I feel he’s too close to her emotionally—no opportunity to meet up.

I’m emotionally close to a couple of male colleagues but in a purely platonic way. At the moment the work environment is fairly toxic so people have built allegiances where they can.

I am hoping that’s the case, too. It’s just out of character for him to be this close to anyone. I don’t think he ever spoke to anyone like this. But as I said, there are no other reasons to be suspicious. Home on time, etc., just a lot of calls to her.

It could be totally platonic, but if you feel something is off, then I would watch the situation very carefully. It could, not saying it is, be the start of an emotional affair.

Does she have a partner? Children? How old is she compared to your husband? These men never have this type of relationship with 56 year Dave do they.

From what I gather, she's married and has a child. She’s younger than the DH. She looked much younger when I saw her in the office. But they are both on the same level at work so I don’t think she’s too too young. Maybe I imagine this but I saw him looking at her in the office. I feel he won’t be ever doing anything about it but I do wonder how often he speaks to her at work. For a work colleague he knows a lot about her. Maybe I should ask him to stop talking to her?

I wouldn't ask him to stop talking to her, but I would say you have overheard them and feel something is off.It may give him the push he needs to think about what he's doing. I do believe men and women can have platonic friendships. My dh used to mention a woman in work. He'd discuss all kinds of things with her. She didn't think it was a good idea we were planning dc 2, so close to dc1. She was putting him off! Anyway, I told him what I thought about that! He soon stopped.

This is good advice OP.

Family planning is crossing the line in my book.

Didn’t you post this yesterday with different details and were told YABU?

oh ignore that i see this is an old thread!

If you feel uncomfortable then something is wrong. I wouldn’t minimise this. Often when in difficult situations people trauma bond, which is fine if their partner is okay with it. This sounds a bit too much I think given he doesn’t even like his workplace he should look for something else