Sassy, shy and boisterous kids

[NoiLi]

DH and I have 3 kids, our eldest is 7 and youngest 3. His sister also has 3 kids between 2 and 4 and his cousin has 2 kids 3 and 6.
Today we met up to take all the kids to the park, we aren’t very close at all.
His sisters kids are all little girls and quite shy, they are what I’d describe as “dainty” they don’t really like getting mucky or being loud, very tame kids. Our middle child is a boy and he is wild at times, loud, boisterous etc. Both of the cousins girls are very sassy, bordering on rude but kids will be kids.

Not half way through our park visit, his sister and her husband decided to leave, she muttered “sassy and boisterous isn’t cute” before leaving. My son was just hyper and running around a lot, the cousins girls can be very sassy “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” types. They do get corrected.
DHs sisters kids could do with a tougher skin if anything, they are clingy and very tame.
DH responded with “shy isn’t cute either”.
Well she’s sent a message saying we won’t all be meeting up again.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and kids just have their personalities? Sassy, boisterous or shy it doesn’t matter - all kids are cute.

SiL and DH are ridiculous and behaving like children.

As for the kids if they’re not getting on then perhaps they shouldn’t spend too much time together.

Some times parents start to get used to and over look their own children’s faults.

If I were them I'd have just left it as their girls are so young they'll naturally change as they grow up (as will the others). My daughter and my nephew used to fight loads as small children (one was quite full and one was the totally opposite and they brought out the worst in each other). Once they were 7/8 and the more boisterous one learnt boundaries and the other didn't cry at everything, they were (and remain) best of friends.

I think in this case it's probably least said, soonest mended!

Cute sometimes, annoying and tiring at others.

The bottom line is that it's rude to make negative comments on other people's kids when either the kids or the parents can hear. All the adults could set a better example. Maybe limit the time spent together so there's less time for strain and annoyance to build.

If your kids can't run wild at the park, where can they? It's not like they were at the theatre! I think SIL was rude.

Certainly the adults behaved poorly. I find in our families that bigger cousins take little ones by the hand and look out for them, which gives them confidence. That would be what I would have encouraged mine to do, then they all have a great time, adoring smiles all round etc. We have one quiet cousin who draws, the others still hug her and ask if she'll join games. If the adults apologise (DH immediately) and you meet up again, try to consider what will work for all the kids.

Don't be rude about other people's children (tame is bitchy too). Just focus on your own children's behaviour, and don't make excuses where the child is a boy. And don't stir up shit in your husband's family. It sounds like they are more than able to do that for themselves.

Your husband was unreasonable with what he said about shyness, it’s not something they choose.

Your cousins kids don’t have to talk to people they don’t want to, why are they being corrected on this?

If your son is being boisterous to the point of injuring and annoying other children then that is the only thing in your control here.

SIL was rude, as was your DH. Your post makes it sounds like you’ve stirred it, and puts too much emphasis on the sexes of the DC.

Rude children aren’t ever nice tbh. But a boisterous little boy (or girl) is totally normal, at the park it’s appropriate for them to be a little wild.

Tbh they sound like they’ve bought into the whole ‘dainty little girls’ thing and enforced it on their kids to the point they are a bit inhibited. I know a lot of little girls who are virtually encouraged to be anxious, needy and bit ‘wet’ - lots of fuss made over them if they fall over, ‘my special princess’, being carried around long after their brothers were, ‘awwww are you okay honey’ type stuff. They’re rewarded for drippy behaviour whereas with boys it tends to be ignored and they develop that thicker skin. It’s a learned behaviour basically.

I don’t blame your husband for sticking up for your son, why shouldn’t he? If they pass comments on other people’s kids they should expect it back.

Sassy is trying to put a positive spin on rudeness.

And boisterous often means knocking over children or knocking into people
, coming over and grabbing their toys etc.

So...

I think you should all just stop labelling growing kids.

And why are the girls 'sassy' rather than cheeky, which would make it less of a sexist slur?

‘Sassy’ little girls are often no more argumentative or demanding than boys are; it’s just labelled ‘sassy’ because they’re a girl.

My MIL is adamant my (well behaved - according to teachers not just me) daughter is ‘sassy’ and ‘overpowering’ just because she asks ‘why’ a lot (she’s 4), has a loud laugh, and generally isn’t a shy or anxious type of girl.

She has another granddaughter (our niece) who she heaped praise on as ‘girly, dainty and like a little doll’. She was eventually diagnosed with ASD and selective mutism as her ‘shyness’ was actually her struggling a lot in social situations to the extent she can’t speak in front of anyone apart from family.

Both boys and girls are damaged by the ‘sassy’ and ‘boys will be boys’ nonsense.

Please tell me "shy isn't cute" was not said in front of the children?? My daughter would absolutely crumble if someone said that about her.

My youngest daughter is so shy, probably bordering pathetic to others, but that's the way she is. My oldest is also a shy girl, but my son in the middle is the absolute opposite. I don't think there's a great deal you can do about a child's nature.

Some kids just don't gel, so for me, both ADULTS were wrong.

You don't work.. as a family . The kids don't gel , and you all seem to judge eachother's children/parenting. Big family gatherings are not in your future.