To suddenly feel so old and fed up now I’m 40?

[Applesaucelemondrops]

I’ve never been attractive but youth probably got me through in the way it does most people.
Now im old and unattractive and it’s really getting me down. I know it is vain and I should be glad I’ve made it to 40 etc but unfortunately the emotional response to seeing my reflection is urgh and I can’t have photographs taken of me.
I try and dress ok and smile to soften my face but I just look DREADFUL all of the time.
It was quite a sudden downturn… I think maybe I just didn’t care that much before for whatever reason and suddenly I do. I don’t think it helps me in interviews etc to be so ugly. It must be off putting.
I don’t know how to move on and get over it.
AIBU to feel so downhearted every time I catch glimpse of myself? I’m considering Botox and have started saving for a face lift but I think they are about 15-20k so it’ll take a while. In fact I might be dead before I can afford a face lift 🤣

Gosh I agree with others it’s not that old and what’s with all the weird arguing up thread. Some of you project a lot on here.

@Applesaucelemondrops I would focus on the basics for a few months if you feel like this - sleep, eating more fruit and veg, less caffeine/alcohol, get outside for exercise if able or whatever exercise you can do. If you’re doing all that then maybe a check for iron deficiency or anything. Also I had a mother like yours, try to focus less on looks anyway and more on what brings you joy - hobbies, friends etc. Good luck and ding forget it’s normal to have a wobble on milestone birthdays.

My 40s so far be the best years of my life! Love it. Young but with Abit of wisdom.

Wander around the supermarket. How many truly attractive people do you see? In 20 years time you'll give anything to be 40. Make the most of what you have, take pleasure in the small things. I'm fairly sure that surgery isn't going to make you happy. Spend the money on a fantastic holiday, new clothes, an animal sanctuary or whatever.

I won't mention about childhood trauma etc as other posts have.

I'm 39. I started botox about 2 years ago and I really love the results. I've only just started getting it in 3 areas. Forehead, mid of the brows and crows feet.

Retinol is good for lines and to look younger. Use it once a week at night at first. Build up the strength and frequency. Look into skincare online.

You can get procedures for lines underneath your eyes. It's called lumieyes or jalupro. It's same as botox, top ups required.

Look into Korean skincare. There's are the best.

Make sure you drink lots of water. Rosehip oil is good for thickening hair or hair loss. Just leave it on for about 30 mins before washing it out.

Get some decent make up. Armani foundation is amazing.

In the nicest possible way I do think a lot of your negative thoughts about your looks are in your head. I can’t think of a single person I’ve seen in the flesh who is actually horrible looking. Yes there are some people who are more attractive but there is so much we can do to feel better in our own skin. Some people have given great suggestions such as focus on your health, nutrition and fitness. Feel good from the inside out. I personally wouldn’t go down the route of Botox; it alters your natural structure over time and long term we don’t know the risks. As it relaxes the muscles you need more to counter the weakness. Better to invest your time in facial exercises. Results take longer but make a massive difference. And try and remember there are people that love you for who you are not what you look like.

You could be entering peri menopause. I looked like shit during it. Once on HRT and having come out of the other side, things are all good, I've just aged. I'm at that lovely age of not giving a shit, but I still enjoy clothes etc and more importantly life. I do think that some people have to reason out what it is that's bothering them. How would their looks actually make a difference to their life, would they influence any of the important stuff etc. There are positives to aging, no street/sexual harassment is my number 1. Not being influenced by my sex drive has been a new, interesting thing. It's a bit more difficult re health and it's true that that's what we need to preserve at 40+. Think about were you are getting your messages from and cut off negative sources.

Don't be daft @mambojambodothetango we are capable of being/doing/feeling many things at once. We can have feelings about our external image and do something about it, while leading a healthy and productive life.

I don't think imagining how you'll feel about Botox on your deathbed is ultimately that useful 😆

@StillYourFavouriteRegret op is asking for opinions, that poster gave theirs, can you not drop it now?

As a 43 year old I would say age is just a number. I think if you eat well, drink lots of water, work out, dress well, keep hair coloured and tidy it takes years of your appearance. Also I firmly recommend microdermoibrasians and collagen light therapy. It's reduced my fine lines and wrinkles massively. Your allowed to get older though it's a gift so dont be hard on yourself

You will look back in 20 years at photos f yourself and think you looked fine at 40. Just as you did looking about at photos of yourself in your youth.

40 isn't old at all.

I bet you look absolutely fine.

You do need to have some help with this issue because it's holding you back from feeling fulfilled and happy. And it shouldn't at all.

It's a conversation. If we all just 'dropped it's MN would die overnight.

God save me from posters who don't seem to be able to understand human interaction.

I very much doubt you are ugly. You are probably, like most of us, a perfectly ordinary looking woman.

Stop looking in the mirror?

I thought from title OP was going to say they felt too tired to do anything.

OP's problem has a much simpler solution.

I am approaching 40 and feel much the same.
It's weird as when you are late thirties, people say you are still young etc. But then you hit 40 which is only a year or two later and suddenly you are not young.
I struggled at 25, 30 but 40 makes me feel sick.
I think it's because I haven't got the typical life of a 40 year old and so it makes me feel a failure. I am also very ugly so feel I have nothing going for me.

@TabbyMcTat2 I am 100% sure that's not true, it doesn't matter 'where' you are in life, it really doesn't.

Please be a bit kinder to yourself ❤️

I appreciate your kindness but it does in many ways. I know I am viewed as a let down by my own family and likely many others. Doesn't matter how many good qualities I have, unfortunately many judge and this will only increase as I age.

I can’t lie I seem to spend more time doing make up. And rarely go anywhere without makeup on as I feel like I look older. But I don’t exist for others to look at 🤷‍♀️. When I start thinking stuff like that I remind myself that this is the youngest I’ll be so likely as good as it’ll get 🤷‍♀️ and try and busy myself with other things . But yup the lines are setting in so a bit of Botox wouldn’t go amiss in a couple of years I’m sure.

@StillYourFavouriteRegret says you doing exactly that for someone to dare have another opinion to you. Bugger off.

What’s your life like? Do you have fun? Do you enjoy yourself? Interests, hobbies, a social life? Exercise?

I’m all for skincare and clothes etc, but you do sound very down on yourself and I wonder if you are doing things that bring you joy, increase your confidence, give you a better perspective on life?

In my 40s I’ve taken up yoga, started learning a language, got a daily meditation practice, realised I love being out in nature and that it’s really good for me. All of these things completely take my mind off what I look like or what other people think of me.

I’ve also stopped drinking alcohol and started HRT. Both really helped my mental health.

Worth you having a look at how you feel about yourself- not just how you look - and whether there are things you can change about your life that will make you feel better.

We all age. It doesn’t have to mean you stop living a great life.

40 is not old, I’m 42 this month and don’t feel old. I do plenty of exercise, drink lots of water and get sleep (no kids helps!). My diet isn’t always the best and I am overweight but I feel pretty good. I won’t be having any Botox etc.

I agree with previous posters this is probably a psychological issue rather than a physical one for you. Getting older is a privilege not everyone gets and you probably need to try and reframe your view on ageing. Maybe some therapy might help you?

Lovely words and great advice