Would this bother you?

[meh232]

Dh and I have an 'alone' night tonight. So sex is on the cards. Booking it in isn't the most romantic but due to having young dc, very few breaks and other issues (him needing to take viagra but that's another story) it has to be like this. And it's infrequent too, maybe once or twice a month.

Just caught him looking at porn. He says to get in the mood. I feel a bit deflated, like am I that unattractive he needs to look at other women to get him in the mood for his boring wife? I don't want to ruin the evening but it has put me off. I don't usually have an issue with porn in general but this has pissed me off. Aibu?

You’d better warn him before he takes the viagra!

I would rather watch porn together than find him watching it alone to get in the mood. I can see where you’re coming from.

It would upset me. Like you, I actually would overlook the porn in general. But specifically building up to a rarely-occurring date night, I would expect all thoughts and attention to be on me, not on porn. I would want and expect him to "get in the mood" with me.

Why does he need viagra? If he's unable to get an erection, is he still willing with other sexual acts? (There's so much more to enjoy than p in v!)

I'm just wondering, if he needs viagra to be physically involved in sex with you, and he's also looking at porn, has he actually checked out of the relationship? Sorry if that's brutal to hear, but it's very possible.

It would bother me a lot, for the reason you stated but also because porn is vile. Certainly wouldn’t be taking advantage of his stiffy tonight.

I would rather look at my wife than.anyone else to get me into.the mood

It's more sad than anything. The time should be a moment for intimate reconnection. I would guess his beliefs around his erectile dysfunction have led him to a vicious circle of using porn as stimulation, further making it harder to, well, get hard in a real moment. He's better off without.

I agree with this. I have tried to discuss it with him before but he's very bad at communicating about sex.

Yeah if it was me I'd be telling him that if he feels like he has to watch porn to get in the mood as opposed to getting in the mood with me, he can go pleasure himself because that's gotta be the biggest turn off ever.

Yes, YANBU. That would close the door for me.