AIBU to be really bothered by this gyneacologist's comment?

[Eachpeachporch]

This week I finally saw a consultant about a birth injury (missed 3rd degree tear) that I sustained 8 years ago, which has resulted in fecal incontinence. I've found it really difficult to get help, as I get super emotional any time I have to talk about it. On a day to day basis I can work around the issue (e.g. working from home) but I have been realising lately how much more I could do if this issue could be fixed. I did try to get it seen to in the early days after the birth, but all the people I asked to double check my undercarriage (2 GPs, a midwife and health visitor) said it looked OK, despite me still finding it painful to sit down until 10 weeks after the birth.

I've given the back story to try to show how big a deal this was for me to try to seek help from doctors, when previously it has not been a good experience. And yet... when being physically examined the consultant felt the need to say "forceps, ventose and c-sections... if we didn't have these things there wouldn't be such an overpopulation problem in the world would there!". I didn't say anything but in my head I was thinking "I'm just bloody glad to be injured and not be dead myself or have a dead baby".

It's really bothered me and bringing up all these old feelings of being dismissed and my concerns minimised - both during and after birth.

Am I being unreasonably oversensitive or not?

Terrible. Also, my friend had the same issue and got it fixed. It has changed her life.

Just read that's it's been 8 years. It was 7 for my friend and it WAS fixable. Please advocate for yourself until it is fixed. You do not have to live like this!

I'm so sorry that you had an awful experience, not only once but twice!

Wow, thanks, that's great to hear.

yes, like doctors and medicine, if they weren’t around either.. I don’t know where that thinking ends.

That was a truly horrible thing to say, and you were so vulnerable. 💐

Please complain to PALS, what will fall out of that doctors mouth next?

I just don't get why healthcare professionals are like this. Especially even it's to do with gynaecological issues or giving birth etc.
We feel so vulnerable at these times, it's like they know that and let the sadist in them come out. I went for my first smear, I'd built up to it for years and told the nurse I was nervous.. heard her loudly saying to someone "god I hate these ones" I complained straight away and fed back to her as soon as she'd done.
They have lost their compassion

That's awful, so uncaring. Well done for giving feedback straight away, that shows strength I wish I had!

Agree. Totally inappropriate.

Are all of you non-native English speakers or something? His comment was trying to reassure the OP that the interventions she had which has led to this awful injury were in fact NECESSARY otherwise she might be dead. Exactly what the Op thought in her head. Perhaps it was clumsily worded as it has some double negatives in there but that was his intended meaning. Do people seriously think he said: "what a shame these techniques were invented because it has meant less people dying and overpopulation"????

Christ. This poor man. Op I'm sorry for your circumstances but honestly I'm speechless at your response to this.

OP, I suffer from faecal incontinence. Have done for 10 years now, since my 20s so, but due to cancer rather than birth.

It is a horrible thing to deal with and it took me a long time to accept this is how things are. I still have bad days emotionally from time to time but I’ve learnt to manage it through my diet. I’m on a low fibre diet and it massively helps. The official name for the management of it is called biofeedback. It might be worth exploring until you get it fixed, just to see if it can make day to day life more manageable.

That's how I interpreted it too.

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I would report him. I also personally think this might help you get the treatment you need rather than being a black mark against you. It’s awful but often you have to make a total pain of yourself to get what you need.

Thanks, I'll look into that. Won't low fiber carry other health risks though long term? Guess it's just one of things to weigh up.

But he referred to overpopulation problems?!!

At best it's highly clumsy wording. And that's generous

To me he was dismissing the OP's feelings- basically saying without these things more babies wouldn't survive- so why is she upset when she has her baby? Horrible and patronising.

I agree with you that's what he was saying but I don't think it's ok- I think it's minimising the suffering of the OP.

Yup that's it.

I don't think I've played too much of a role in overpopulating the planet... I've only had two kids!

It’s beyond unprofessional. I’d like to see a msn with a torn penis being spoken to like that.

Complain, report to PALS.

I think you're probably right that this is what he meant, but he certainly worded it clumsily.

I'm a doctor and I've certainly been guilty of putting things badly that I meant kindly.

Whether, as a patient on the receiving end, I'd complain, would depend on what I thought he really intended. I had a doctor say something horrifically insensitive to me minutes after my dad died, but I knew from everything else that he had said, and his body language/demeanour etc. that he was trying to be kind and had just put his foot in his mouth. Only the OP can know what vibes she got from the gynaecologist.

It was probably meant as a joke to lighten the mood but they were completely out of touch.
They were a male, right ? I doubt a woman would have blurted out that rubbish comment.