How many friends you child has in year 1 primary

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Not sure whether I am over anxious about this or what the norm is. DS is now in school and probably has one really good friend and occasionally plays with other kids. Kids of my friends all seem to have lots of friends and constantly have playdates and outings with school friends. I've also heard that it's better for little kids to have plenty of friends so they arent too reliant on one or two people. But whats normal? How many friends did your kids have in primary esp. first few years? Am probably overthinking ....but has been worrying quite a bit about this year

My DD is in year 2 and is the same as this, has lots of acquaintances (for want of a better word) but no close friends. I would say though, that many of the other children in her year seem to be the same. None of them seem particularly interested in having close friendships 🤣
DS’ year, by contrast, has lots of close friendships (all of the children, not just him). He’s in Y3 but they’ve been like that since reception. I think it’s just luck of the draw to be honest.
As an ex-teacher, I definitely wouldn’t say year 1 is typical for close friendships, they all play with whoever is playing what they’re feeling at the time.

My DS in year 1 has 2 close friends who he plays with and mentions a lot, but also seems to play with most of the other boys in his class as well. He doesn’t play with girls at all which I’m disappointed about - the divide has started so early! I think friendship groups are still very fluid at this age.

Also, I’ve found the close friendships in DS’ year are definitely linked to the adults. The parents in his year are quite friendly, outgoing and happy to have a chat. We organise things as a group and there are still lots of large class parties. The Y2 parents are a lot quieter and reserved, and I’d find it difficult to arrange anything with them. They tend to have smaller parties at home. Not to say either one is right or better, but worth considering your demographic.

I think my worry is partially because we used to live quite far form the school so couldnt have many playdates in reception/first half of year one. Now we've moved closer, I have tried to organise a few meet ups but somehow that hasn't taken off, so I sort of blame our circumstances for Ds not having many friends. He had lots of friends in nursery and we used to do a lot with other families but this doesnt seem to have happened the same way at his school. Other families seem nice enough but not really anyone we'd be friends with esp. other boys' families.

DS is actually quite good friends with a few friends but it's becoming increasingly difficult as the boys/girls groups are becoming split e.g. girls tend to have girl parties etc

My DSD only had one good friend she's have play dates with in nursery. She's now in primary 1. She still keeps in touch with her nursery friend and has another 3 friends she has regular play dates with. 2 of which are in her class and the other little girl goes to dancing with her. Hobbies is a good way to meet friends if they aren't particularly friendly with the kids at school.

We've actually kept in touch with his nursery friends and he does have friends from elsewhere. It's just in school that he seems to only have one really good friend though is friendly with other kids

When in Yr1 my son didn't have close friendships, he seemed happy to pay with lots of different children. Playdates seemed to happen based more on the parents being friends.

Yeah I've found this too and it's something you need to make an effort to do as everyone has busy lives.

Any tips on how best to do that?

I would start a rotation of playdates in class. My DD has a best friend, and they have a small circle of friends but she also plays with the wider class. Right now there are about 10 kids that she has recurring playdates with. They will come over to ours (one at a time) on a Saturday afternoon and then she will go to theirs at some point. We schedule these in advance.

I tried to initiate a few but the parents sort of said yes, yes we should do it but never got back to me. Was worried that by middle of year 1 we are a bit late now and people have set up their groups.

Yup that's pretty standard. You need to come at them with more of a plan rather than just "we should arrange a playdate". Like, "hey, are you guys free next weekend? There's a farm park that looks great and I was going to take DS would you guys like to come". Or even, "if you're not busy on Sunday do you fancy coming to ours and we can grab a coffee while they trash SDs bedroom?".

Once you're more familiar with each other it gets easier as you can offer to have the kiddo round so even if the mum or dad is busy they can just drop the kid off.

@Illpickthatup ok, that is probably where I went wrong. How far in advance do you arrange them?

My ds was like that but now has plenty of good friends in year 3. I am really bad at arranging play dates but he seems to be popular despite this. My dd is year 1 and seems to change friends every week. I wouldn't worry, they tend to find their tribe.

It just depends when they're available. Usually a week or 2. The more you talk to them the easier it'll be as you'll learn their routines like of they have football training on a Saturday morning so Saturday mornings are out. I've even just gone for a McDonald's after school one day with a school mum and the kids.

DS is in year 1 and doesn't have any particularly close friends but there's a few names that seem to crop up regularly. We've had a couple of play dates where I message the mum a week or so before and say would X like to come for tea next Friday kind of thing. DS hasn't been invited back yet which he finds a bit upsetting but I'm hoping that will come in time. DD is in year 3 and has only regularly started having play dates this year but she has a group of close friends now. She was also affected by Covid in reception/year 1.

DS is also yr1. At the last parents’ evening, his teacher mentioned his dependence on his friendship with one other child. The trouble with DS is that he’d rather be on his own than with people who don’t excite him. I am exactly the same.

@PotatoPudding yes, am also worried that DS is too reliant on his main friend. Are you planning on changing anything?

My DS in year 1 has two close friends but also plays in a group with other boys. The play dates are mainly with the two close friends though.

I don’t see how I can change anything. I have no control ove who he plays with at school and it seems that play dates are more down to the mothers’ relationships rather than the kids’.

It's really variable within DS year group. Some of the boys are in fixed groups of 2 and have been quite stuck like that since pre-school not just nursery. The other boys do more of a rolling mix of friends; some friends swapping drama, wide range of playdates, mix of those who do or don't play with the girls. The ones who do play with girls often seem to have a particular girl best friend, yet mostly play with the boys. A bunch of the girls will only regularly play with other girls. A couple of the boys don't seem to really have specific friends yet. So I think every variation seems normal at this age.

If you want play dates, then it's best to be specific. "X would like Y to come for a play date, we are free after school on A and B days, would Y like to come?". I wouldn't try for weekends initially as you can be waiting ages between parties, trips away etc; most of the weekend play dates are arranged many weeks ahead.