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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like just staying indoors with my baby because of bad drivers?

22 replies

Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 14:57

I live in a city centre (Edinburgh if anyone is interested). DH and I rarely drive. He cycles, I walk or take the bus. I now have a 9 month old and so am frequently walking with a pram. I'm not sure how much of it is just me being more alert with the baby and how much is things genuinely getting worse (a bit of both I think) but the driving near us is shocking to the point I'm genuinely actually concerned for my baby's safety. I go out at least once a day (usually more) and can't remember the last time I went on a walk without seeing several incidences of dangerous driving. Today, for example, one van suddenly accelerated through a left turn (at which I had priority and was about to cross) without indicating, one car raced around a corner into a road I was already crossing, one driver was obviously using his phone whilst driving, and one car was sitting at a light blocking the pedestrian crossing and dropped kerb.

I witness people using their phones at the wheel frequently. We live near a pretty nasty (but well signposted) junction that people make illegal turns at all the time. Pavement parking is still a massive problem despite the new laws (I do report when I see it) and so I'm often having to walk out into a road with the pram with poor visibility. People speed. People fly around corners (and then have the nerve to be cross that I'm already in the road). People misjudge timings and end up blocking the pedestrian areas of crossings, making it difficult to get a pram past. We have several crossing with very short pedestrian light cycles and drivers start revving and even speeding when the light changes, even though I'm still crossing (I'm really not slow at all).

In addition, pavements are frequently cluttered (road signs, bins, cars) and narrow and pot-holey anyway, so I often have to walk into the road. Crossing lights are frequently broken so I have to guess when I can go. We are inundated with delivery drivers on e-bikes who race on and off the pavement at speed (one nearly hit me when I was pregnant by racing round a corner onto a very narrow pavement - I had to leap back into the road).

As well as this terrible driving, I have noted people are really hostile, and so I rarely actually point out bad driving. I do occasionally give a look to people stopped and doing something obviously wrong (usually on phone or sitting in a crossing) but I am far more likely to receive an aggressive shrug back than for the person to look contrite and change their behaviour. DH recently knocked on the windows of a man using a phone at a traffic light (he was genuinely concerned the man would start up without realising there were children crossing infront) and he let out a torrent of abuse at DH!

I'm feeling so down about it. Our local councillor is brilliant and very invested in safe travel and I do report bad parking when I can but generally feel nothing will change. Has anyone experienced this? I don't know anyone who would ever drive like this but obviously it is really common.

OP posts:
DataColour · 03/05/2024 15:07

Yes it's really common where I live. We have reported pavement parking on our street numerous times but they do nothing about it. We are forced to walk on the road most of the time which is ridiculous in a developed country. Most people don't walk, they just get into their car to go travel even if it's a few mins away, so they don't experience the frustration of it.
Most drivers seem to be on their phone at traffic lights or traffic, you can spot this easily as they are looking downwards at their lap.

Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 15:12

@DataColour it is so frustrating and so bloody unfair. I really wish something could be done about it. I'm genuinely worried one of the phone users is going to drive into us!

OP posts:
PrincessTeaSet · 03/05/2024 15:17

Wait till you have a toddler that wants to walk. It is far worse. Someone reversed out of a driveway yesterday and nearly ran him over. We were walking along the pavement. The driver then told me I should teach my child to look out for cars. Erm no - how about an adult car driver that chooses to reverse over a pavement looks out for pedestrians?

Cars constantly speeding around corners, driving on the pavement. We live in a totally car centric country unfortunately.

Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 15:22

Gosh that sounds scary @PrincessTeaSet. I'd have been livid! I know we're a car centric country but am still baffled by how can anyone manage to pass a driving test and yet think that their right to drive trumps the pedestrian's right to safety (particularly when said pedestrian is a toddler!) Don't even get me started on attitudes towards cyclists...

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 03/05/2024 15:24

if anything else was causing the amount of deaths & life changing injuries that drivers - there'd be a public enquiry into how to prevent it.

Bad driving is normalised, speeding is turned around to be war on motorists if drivers get fined, same for many other offences.

Its about time something was done to prevent deaths primarily and injures and save billions - its estimated at around £33 billion the cost of drivers crashes (which is far in excess of what tax on motoring raises, when you take into account the £7/8 billion on road building as well.)

Welcometothehumanrace · 03/05/2024 15:27

YANBU OP. No advice, it's the same where we are (in a small village). People drive and park like absolute knobs. Lazy, entitled, and ignorant. I find it worse being in the car probably, having to avoid and navigate all the other bad drivers. it's utterly depressing, but we do have the option of more secluded walks away from the roads thankfully. If I were you it would probably be enough to force me out of a big city or town.

Confusionn · 03/05/2024 15:28

I live where you live, and I find dog walkers and cyclists far more problematic with their entitled attitude.

Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 15:32

@MikeRafoneI agree. Do some drivers really not realise how much damage and devastation they could cause or do they just not care? I've had to stop reading articles about death by dangerous driving because the ridiculous 'punishments' and our refusal to give out lifetime bans was putting my blood pressure up. If you want to kill someone, do it with your car for sure...

@Welcometothehumanrace it is making me want to move away to be honest, which is a real shame. Walking around the city used to bring me so much joy.

@Confusionn really? I can't say any cyclists (excluding the delivery drivers whose 'bicycles' are basically electric vehicles anyway) or dogs have made me fear for mine or my baby's life. We only see very competent cyclists around where we are anyway as the roads really are so nasty. DH was so keen to get a cargo bike and cycle with our baby but neither of us feel it is safe sadly.

OP posts:
AylesBuck · 03/05/2024 15:46

I was wondering the same. Is it worst or having children just make us feel like the world out there is terribly dangerous?
My turning point was when my children started walking to and from school on their own. 😱
I see danger everywhere, cars disregard speed limits, idling vehicles, e-scooters/ e-bikes riding on pavements, roadworks blocking pavements forcing pedestrians onto the road… there is loads 😳

Bluevelvetsofa · 03/05/2024 15:52

What we seem to have in abundance at present, is motorcyclists who appear to have a death wish, weaving in and out of traffic, overtaking on bends and driving so close I want to open the boot to let them in.

Then there are those, usually young men, who change lanes randomly and without any indication. As for white van man and lorry drivers……..

Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 15:55

@AylesBuck I'm genuinely not sure but I do see danger everywhere now (and also feel far angrier about it!)

@Bluevelvetsofa I actually don't see many motorcyclists at all around here now I think about it, but there are a lot where my parents are (rural) and they do indeed seem to have a death wish!

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 03/05/2024 16:00

YANBU, I’m in London and I cycle most of the time. Driving standards are awful everyone is in their phones, speeding; not giving way when they should. They should introduce mandatory retesting for everyone regularly. I’d personally try and not let it put you off going out though, I’d be concerned at the negative impact on yours and baby’s mental and physical health if you don’t go out. Can you try and stick to quieter routes when walking?

Peonies12 · 03/05/2024 16:01

MikeRafone · 03/05/2024 15:24

if anything else was causing the amount of deaths & life changing injuries that drivers - there'd be a public enquiry into how to prevent it.

Bad driving is normalised, speeding is turned around to be war on motorists if drivers get fined, same for many other offences.

Its about time something was done to prevent deaths primarily and injures and save billions - its estimated at around £33 billion the cost of drivers crashes (which is far in excess of what tax on motoring raises, when you take into account the £7/8 billion on road building as well.)

I always think this! Everyone seems so blind sighted to the dangers caused by drivers; being in a car or even walking is the most risky thing most people will do everyday

TheaBrandt · 03/05/2024 16:06

And drivers get so angry at any other road user (cyclists pedestrians horses etc)

Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 16:08

Peonies12 · 03/05/2024 16:00

YANBU, I’m in London and I cycle most of the time. Driving standards are awful everyone is in their phones, speeding; not giving way when they should. They should introduce mandatory retesting for everyone regularly. I’d personally try and not let it put you off going out though, I’d be concerned at the negative impact on yours and baby’s mental and physical health if you don’t go out. Can you try and stick to quieter routes when walking?

I agree!

I won't really stop going out but it's just so frustrating. Unfortunately I have to walk these busier roads to get to baby groups, the library etc. Walking around the city used to be something that brought me such joy whereas now it feels a bit like a joy to get to lovely places like the Meadows. I try to use the baby's carrier where possible but there is only so much my back can take.

OP posts:
Seashellsseashell · 03/05/2024 16:09

TheaBrandt · 03/05/2024 16:06

And drivers get so angry at any other road user (cyclists pedestrians horses etc)

Yes, really frightening to see such hostility, anger and loss of control from people sitting in two tonnes of metal!

OP posts:
Tootytoot78 · 03/05/2024 16:17

This morning we were driving on a small road into our local shopping mall, thank God the road wasn't busy as a teenage boy on his bike passed us on the inside! just as we were about to turn into the car park.
My DH beeped at him, and as he rode off he put two fingers up at us, as though we were in the wrong!

I agree the roads in the U.K.are insanely busy, add to that bad/entitled drivers, constant road works, double parking it is an absolute nightmare, and I can understand how you feel OP.

Giraffesandbottoms · 03/05/2024 16:22

PrincessTeaSet · 03/05/2024 15:17

Wait till you have a toddler that wants to walk. It is far worse. Someone reversed out of a driveway yesterday and nearly ran him over. We were walking along the pavement. The driver then told me I should teach my child to look out for cars. Erm no - how about an adult car driver that chooses to reverse over a pavement looks out for pedestrians?

Cars constantly speeding around corners, driving on the pavement. We live in a totally car centric country unfortunately.

I 100% agree about drivers being insanely dangerous but I’m sorry, if you’re telling your toddler just toddler along they are really not tall enough for a driver backing out to see. They will be in the blind spot. The amount of toddlers I see walking, not holding hands just on their own, precariously teetering along busy roads or on balance bikes - it’s an accident waiting to happen and crazily risky!

everything else is spot on. Dangerous parking, texting at the wheel, no indicating etc. awful times.

LittleBooThang · 03/05/2024 16:27

PrincessTeaSet · 03/05/2024 15:17

Wait till you have a toddler that wants to walk. It is far worse. Someone reversed out of a driveway yesterday and nearly ran him over. We were walking along the pavement. The driver then told me I should teach my child to look out for cars. Erm no - how about an adult car driver that chooses to reverse over a pavement looks out for pedestrians?

Cars constantly speeding around corners, driving on the pavement. We live in a totally car centric country unfortunately.

You should not be letting a toddler toddle on their own along a pavement with driveways fgs Confused At a minimum he should be holding your hand.

MikeRafone · 03/05/2024 16:27

This morning we were driving on a small road into our local shopping mall, thank God the road wasn't busy as a teenage boy on his bike passed us on the inside! just as we were about to turn into the car park.

how was that dangerous for you? regardless of who was in the wrong or right, the person that would have been hurt was the person on the bike if things had gone wrong.

Giraffesandbottoms · 03/05/2024 16:52

MikeRafone · 03/05/2024 16:27

This morning we were driving on a small road into our local shopping mall, thank God the road wasn't busy as a teenage boy on his bike passed us on the inside! just as we were about to turn into the car park.

how was that dangerous for you? regardless of who was in the wrong or right, the person that would have been hurt was the person on the bike if things had gone wrong.

It’s dangerous for the driver though - very. And yes he would be the one hurt but how would the poster feel about that?! The cycling thing is problematic. - a lot of them prefer direct and quick manoeuvres rather than safe, and don’t realise how close they come to getting hit!

MikeRafone · 04/05/2024 12:09

It’s dangerous for the driver? How

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