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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm being bullied out of my job on mat leave?

24 replies

HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:24

I'll try and keep this short but I was told by my boss that I wouldn't be able to return part time and that my job may not even be there for me to return to. She said she loves my mat cover and the most important thing was keeping her. I informed HR who confirmed I can return part time and to my original role. This has obviously infuriated my boss who I imagine had a telling off.

My first Kit day she completely ignored me and when I went around to speak to her she closed her laptop quicky and didn't even turn her head to speak to me.

2nd KIT day she didn't come in and didn't message me on teams.

3rd KIT day she messaged me saying she wants me to do a few hours of work so she can compare how I do it to my mat cover. Again tells me how important it is that my mat cover can stay. I screenshot this convo...

I feel so anxious and that I'm being bullied out of my job and don't know what to do.

AIBU or is this out of order?

OP posts:
s4usagefingers · 03/05/2024 13:25

Log all of this and anything else that arises and keep HR informed.

Hopefulbride18 · 03/05/2024 13:26

Completely out of order. Send that screenshot to HR immediately.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:28

Oh thank you. That's good to hear. I'm so tired with a baby at home that I keep thinking I'm overthinking it but I feel so anxious and that I don't want to return. Stubborn old me would return though!

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:30

I also refused to do this "test" against my mat cover and didn't even inform her that I'd left the office. I was there most of the day and she couldn't even be bothered to come in so I don't feel like I owe her anything but it may not have been the most professional thing to do....

OP posts:
showmethegin · 03/05/2024 13:34

Contact pregnant then screwed and keep absolutely EVERYTHING. Keep a diary of everything too. This sounds like constructive dismissal to me. Make them pay!!!

StormingNorman · 03/05/2024 13:35

You are not being unreasonable in your assumption at all. It very much sounds like an HR issue.

Your manager is saying some absolutely outrageous things and should not be getting you to compete for your job with this piece of work. If you haven’t done it yet, I would ask HR whether it is appropriate for your manager to be doing this.

Absolutely log everything that feels off. You manager is putting the business in a difficult legal position and HR and the senior leaders will want to de-escalate this situation.

AlisonDonut · 03/05/2024 13:35

It is out of order, and also illegal.

I'd ask HR to monitor the situation, and I'd probably ask what steps are being taken to stop this bullying due to maternity leave [see these recent screenshots] and ask why this isn't being looked at as gross misconduct.

I'd request that the manager is put on some basic training on discrimination prior to my return if the result of the investigation is that she is given a warning rather than being dismissed.

SewingBees · 03/05/2024 13:40

AlisonDonut · 03/05/2024 13:35

It is out of order, and also illegal.

I'd ask HR to monitor the situation, and I'd probably ask what steps are being taken to stop this bullying due to maternity leave [see these recent screenshots] and ask why this isn't being looked at as gross misconduct.

I'd request that the manager is put on some basic training on discrimination prior to my return if the result of the investigation is that she is given a warning rather than being dismissed.

This is good advice. Please be aware however that HR represent the company, not you. They are not necessarily your friend. Hopefully in this case they will see the risk your manager poses to the company, by acting the way she is towards you, and get it sorted. But they will be doing it to protect the company, not necessarily you.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:41

Thanks for the replies. I'm definitely not competing for my job and HR know the job is mine to return to.

She's a very inexperienced manager so got a very big promotion recently so if very much on a power trip!

Will log and send to HR. I just didn't want to sound like I'm being petty but it's getting to the point where I'm looking for other jobs and trying to think if I can return.

I just know she will make my life hell when I return and if my mat cover has to go. I think they will find a job for my mat cover but that's none of my business to be worrying about.

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 03/05/2024 13:47

She's shooting herself in the foot (which is great from a protecting yourself perspective) by putting such things in writing. Make sure your conversations are in writing as much as possible, keep a diary if it's a verbal rebuke with time and dates. So frustrating you have to deal with it but sounds like a very foolish and inexperienced manager to be trying to manage you out in such an illegal and brazen way.

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 03/05/2024 13:49

Wow. She really is inexperienced. I can’t believe the idiot put all that in writing. 😂 log everything. All of it. Let her be hoist by her own petard.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:50

I know, I'm very glad this happened in writing!!

She's a very inexperienced manager who some how got the job over 2 others with over 20 years experience each.

It may not be likely but I'm very much hoping she won't be in the job by the time I return as I've been told there's been many complaints against her but I can't rely on that alone!

It just makes me sad that a woman who has also had children we treat me like this when I've always been a really hard worker.

OP posts:
s4usagefingers · 03/05/2024 13:53

HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:41

Thanks for the replies. I'm definitely not competing for my job and HR know the job is mine to return to.

She's a very inexperienced manager so got a very big promotion recently so if very much on a power trip!

Will log and send to HR. I just didn't want to sound like I'm being petty but it's getting to the point where I'm looking for other jobs and trying to think if I can return.

I just know she will make my life hell when I return and if my mat cover has to go. I think they will find a job for my mat cover but that's none of my business to be worrying about.

Yes, don’t worry about your cover and also remember it is your job and nobody can take it away from you like that. If anything escalated then she would be the one to be let go as she is a liability to the company.

Strictly1 · 03/05/2024 13:55

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 03/05/2024 13:49

Wow. She really is inexperienced. I can’t believe the idiot put all that in writing. 😂 log everything. All of it. Let her be hoist by her own petard.

This. She is beyond stupid. Go for it - good luck not that you need with this manager.

nonumbersinthisname · 03/05/2024 13:56

As a previous poster said, HR will be ensuring the company is not exposed to you bringing a case against them for discrimination. So bear that in mind along with what you want the outcome will be. Do you really want to return to work for this boss now they've behaved like this? Or would you accept another job in the same organisation with the same salary/grade and equivalent responsibilities? Because that's what you're entitled to, and what you can use to open negotiations with HR. Leave your boss and your maternity cover to do their thing and wangle yourself another position with better prospects, ie not working for a shite boss.

Meadowfinch · 03/05/2024 13:59

This happened to me. They made me redundant first morning back, keeping my maternity cover (who also happened to be the sales director's wife).

Make sure you have family legal cover before you return to work. Then take them to a tribunal if they break the law, which is pretty clear around this issue.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 03/05/2024 14:02

@HollyLondoner any emails which she has sent to you, please forward them on to your own personal email, not work email! if push comes to shove and you go down the constructive dismissal route, then you may not have access to your work emails! If you have a union please notify them of what is happening!

StormingNorman · 03/05/2024 14:09

HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 13:41

Thanks for the replies. I'm definitely not competing for my job and HR know the job is mine to return to.

She's a very inexperienced manager so got a very big promotion recently so if very much on a power trip!

Will log and send to HR. I just didn't want to sound like I'm being petty but it's getting to the point where I'm looking for other jobs and trying to think if I can return.

I just know she will make my life hell when I return and if my mat cover has to go. I think they will find a job for my mat cover but that's none of my business to be worrying about.

I was in an organisation where the line manager didn’t want the mat cover to go. When he couldn’t give the mat cover the job she’d been doing, he created a more senior role and the poor woman coming back had to report to her. She had to fight to come back so knew exactly what was going on.

I think the company got away with it because the returner wanted to go PT and the line manager argued ‘more support’ would be needed to enable it.

Make sure you have all your bases covered with HR. Return FT even if you don’t want to and change your hours after the May cover has left. Check your reporting line etc.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 14:17

@nonumbersinthisname this is a very good point. I don't want to work for her anymore but I do enjoy my job.

I work for a huge corporate so there's plenty of jobs, it's just if they would give it to me part time. I think it would be the easiest thing for HR to do though to keep everyone happy.

I can't decide if being stubborn and going back would actually do me any good or asking HR for something else would actually make my life a lot easier.

She tried to give my mat cover a promotion and HR said she couldn't 🤦🏻

OP posts:
nonumbersinthisname · 03/05/2024 14:28

HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 14:17

@nonumbersinthisname this is a very good point. I don't want to work for her anymore but I do enjoy my job.

I work for a huge corporate so there's plenty of jobs, it's just if they would give it to me part time. I think it would be the easiest thing for HR to do though to keep everyone happy.

I can't decide if being stubborn and going back would actually do me any good or asking HR for something else would actually make my life a lot easier.

She tried to give my mat cover a promotion and HR said she couldn't 🤦🏻

It's great news you're in a large corporate company, this should mean a reasonably competent HR who know the law.

Put aside the emotion and annoyance at what your boss is up to and think strategically. You're boss has unwittingly provided you with a nice set of evidence to show discrimination, but you don't have to say that out loud! Take the screenshots to HR and say that you think the working relationship with your boss has broken down and you would like to explore what other positions are available for your return. And if you could do reduced hours too that would make you even happier - they will read between the lines and hopefully you and HR will find a face-saving solution that means you will never have to say "discrimination" out loud or in writing, which will work for them as it much as it would for you.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 14:32

@nonumbersinthisname thank you, that's really good advice! ☺️

OP posts:
nonumbersinthisname · 03/05/2024 14:36

Good luck!

The legal and employment forums here are very good - they're not as busy as AIBU but the signal:noise ratio in the replies is much better for serious topics like this. More practical advice, less bunfights.

Original poster
HollyLondoner · 03/05/2024 18:11

I will speak to pregnant then screwed. They were fab when I spoke to them when this all started ❤️

OP posts:
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