DH called me an “irritable shit”

[IneffableCuriosity]

Said with distain and nastiness. Context - he had come home from a night shift and found the cutlery drawer(organiser) on the kitchen floor upended. Our son is autistic and causes chaos so must have pulled it out and thrown it on the floor. DH starts shouting “what have I done to the cutlery drawer” I admit I was sarcastic in my response and said I admit it, it was me and I decided it looked best on the floor. That’s when he said something along the lines of don’t speak to me like that you irritable shit.

I admit I was initially sarcastic but I find being called that hugely disrespectful.

For context DH tends to blame me when our son causes chaos as in “(insert my name) what have you done now?” Like I go around tipping boxes of cereal on the floor etc.

Sounds like he is projecting his own behaviour on to you, it sounds like he was the one being irritable.

I mean…to be fair…

You both sound delightful.

as a one off I’d say he was just exhausted and tetchy and I’d try to forget it, but if he often ascribes what are obviously your son’s behaviours to you that’s a different matter. Have you tried asking him why? Telling him how it makes you feel (presumably annoyed that he thinks you’d behave like a child with disruptive behaviours)? Doing the same to him?

You both sound exhausted. Which I guess you must be. If you have an autistic son, then I would expect him to be kinder to you, and more tolerant of messes.

Sounds like low level irritation to be fair. Me and DH have called each other worse in the heat of the moment! 😬 (In the past when we used to argue a bit more.)

'An irritable shit' is quite tame. Sounds like you both need a break somewhere. Is there anyone to look after your child(ren) for a weekend so you can be together alone for a few days, to wind down?

I find it odd, bizarre and downright strange that he would ask you that question repeatedly when he knows fine well it is his son.

He is the irritating shit by the sounds of it!

I think you were pretty restrained. If my DH suggested that I had done some of the chaotic things that one of our ND children has done, I would be furious - so disrespectful.

I'm sure he's tired, but I bet you are too.

His irritating shit comment was beyond rude.

Exactly, why the fuck is he implying that it's you? If he wasn't such a dick then maybe you wouldn't give him sarcastic replies

If your son is big enough to remove a cutlery tray from a drawer, your husband has had enough time to find a better way of handling his child’s autism than blaming you - tired ir not

If he'd said something like 'Christ, what the fuck's happened here?' or even 'Did you not even notice that DS has chucked the cutlery drawer on the floor?' upon seeing the cutlery drawer upended on the floor, then I would say that your response was unnecessarily snotty. But if he genuinely said, to you, 'What have you done with the cutlery drawer?' and implied it was something you might have done, then absolutely YANBU to have replied in the way you did, and he should not have called you irritable when you were simply responding to a stupid and aggressive accusation. He clearly knew it was your child who chucked the drawer on the floor and asking you what 'you' had done with the cutlery drawer was just an excuse to have a go at someone. What a dick.

This!! Why on earth is he saying this when he must know it’s your son who’s done it!

As the old saying goes
Six of one and half a dozen of the other.

‘What have you done with the cutlery drawer’ was his way of saying ‘why have you let X throw the cutlery drawer’, without actually saying it. He knew full well it wasn’t you but wasn’t quite brave enough to accuse you directly of not supervising well enough.

Your response was fine, your husband was being a cock.

I mean for me name calling is just unacceptable. If my husband called me a shit I would make him seek therapy and then probably divorce him. It's not ok, you're not a shit and your loved ones should not be calling you that. You deserve better.