Hang on in there until school age doesn't work?

[TwoTimesShoeShop]

Keep seeing similar comments about working with high nursery costs, to keep going and then it gets easier when they're school age.

DC starts school in September. At the moment I pay £297 a month with the 30 free hours for 3 days a week. For 50 weeks a year care, so I don't have to worry about covering any holidays etc. So £3,564 total a year.

I was counting down the days until we'd be better off. But, breakfast and after school club are £18 a day. So £18x3x38 is £2,052 a year. Great, just over half the cost. Except, oh wait, instead of covering two weeks of holiday I need to cover 14. I get six weeks, so does DH. Even if we never have any time off together except bank holidays and weekends (a bit miserable), we have two extra weeks we'd need holiday clubs for, at £65 a day, so £65x3x2 is £390. If we allow ourselves a two week holiday together, that's another £390. So now the annual total is £2,832.

So we're a whole £61 a month better off and only have two weeks annual leave together. If we wanted to take all our annual leave together (as we can now), then the total is £3,612, so more than nursery!

I can't spread my hours over more, shorter days, as I have younger DC. Childminders are more than breakfast and after school club. We don't have anyone else who can do pickups/drop off etc and no family or friends to watch them for a bit.

I'm just not sure why people say that if you can get through the nursery years then you'll be ok once school starts -actually we'd be either worse off financially, or worse off in time together.

I feel like I was on a countdown to September and now the goalposts have moved. Maybe secondary is the real cheaper point?!

AIBU that 'hang on in there until school' as financially it'll be much easier then isn't actually true? Or am I missing something?

@TwoTimesShoeShop the majority of parents don't take all their leave together when they have kids tho. We do three weeks together and then work shifts around each other using some leave on rest days and other to cover holidays.

I'm with you, school age makes things harder. We have no family support, no friends who want my 3 children for a few days here and there, and dh has a job that entails travel with little notice - the highest earner so we can't change that.

School hours make things super difficult, I could probably work round that, but not 14 weeks holiday for 3 kids.

I work a crap zero hours contract job, that is pocket money rather than an actual income. I'm a highly educated capable women but without significant external help, this is my lot for the next few yrs. I'm constantly looking for the holy grail of a term-time job.

Yes, I shouldn't have had 3 kids, I genuinely didn't realise how tough the primary school years would be or that my family wouldn't offer help (or elderly parents needing care). I don't want my kids in constant childcare, and we'd have to give up all extra-curricular activities if I did get a job. But I realise I'm lucky to be in the position that we can get by on one salary. Too much to get any benefits, but not enough to be able to be comfortable.

It is a societal problem, work is not geared up for woman with children, and we don't value sahm either.

@gillyweed I feel for you. I only have 1 child. We were getting by on one wage but the cost of living crisis meant I had to go back to work part-time (I love working and was only a SAHM due to no childcare options). Fortunately, it coincided with my son’s school starting wraparound care for the first time. I have no holiday cover, like you, so I stealthily work from home (boss works remotely) in the hols.

No support goes beyond school childcare, though. It’s been 6 years since DH and I had a date night, which is a contributing factor in our struggling marriage.

OP, there are definitely, definitely holiday clubs (8am-6pm) in your area that cost far less than £65 per day. Do a little research and come back to us, or tell us where you live and I will Google it for you. You are being a bit ridiculous.

The annual leave thing is one o the main pointers here, since the kids started school we only have Xmas and a week holiday together, the remainder of our annual leave is split for the holidays (maybe the odd long weekend) Either a week off each or over the 6 weeks I take off every Wednesday and DH takes off every Monday for example.

Also - Childminder, ours is worth her weight in gold and is only (after tax free childcare) £8 per day for school pickups, so from £55 a day each in nursery fees - to £16 for both of them, it's a huge saving.

@gillyweed but it's not always these though? We have 0 family support, and always have - but an amazing childminder who is now like an extension of our family. I have a short (literally 5 minute) commute, and its a 10 min walk to school. I can drop them off at 8:40 and still be at my desk by 9am. Childminder picks up for £8 a day each - so my working until 5 is absolutely worth it. Kids are 9 and 5.

14 weeks of holiday (granted we only have 2 kids) DH and I get 6 weeks annual leave each, we have a week together at Xmas and another as a family holiday, the remaining 10 weeks are split evenly between us so childcare to find for only 2 full weeks of the year (usually as a day or 2 a week over summer rather than a 2 week block) for £35ish each for 9-3 holiday clubs for 10 days of the year - so annual cost around £700 (I arrange to finish early on these odd days to pick them up)

is 'significant outside help' really needed? I can only talk from my own experience with none, and although it's like a military operation (we already have this summer covered for 5 of the 6 weeks) it is fine, and it works. The kids aren't in 'constant childcare' and still have after school karate, football and swimming so benefit from extra curricular (we just had to find ones with evening and weekend classes rather than 4pm ones) It does help definitely that DH and I each work office hours mind and are both in roles which are senior in our companies and have gained the trust and flexibility we need at work where necessary. He went away with friends for a week last year, and I did this year - and the other managed just fine each time.

It is cheaper

Just not as much as you thought.

And the big variable is family time in the holidays. Many, many if not.most people manage by not spending any time together and sharing the childcare.

So you basically have to decide on the trade off between time together and paying for childcare

Plus 30 hours is relatively recent innovation.

So actually the comparison is against normal nursery fees

@QforCucumber I totally agree.

On here a lot of folk talk about working around primary school as if it's incredibly hard but it hasn't been that bad for us at all.

Yes you're exactly right, it's not easier, it's actually harder! I ended up leaving my job so that I could be available during the holidays. My husband and I weren't allowed to pick holiday dates, they were given out in blocks due to the nature of our jobs. My youngest goes to secondary school in September, so I'll actually be free to work.

If you both work FT in standard business hour roles and are not WFH and have no family support it is hugely problematic.

I updated my flexible working agreement so instead of 3 days, I did 5 days 7-2. Then dh dropped off at breakfast club and I was home every day for collection

my mum does a week (spread out) in the summer, and doing five short days at work means we can usually get the dc into the much cheaper holiday clubs run at sports centres etc (which are often school hours)

Precisely. DH and I both only get 4 weeks holiday and have to keep a week for Christmas. This means we have 6 weeks to split over the remaining 11 weeks of school holidays, PD/inset days, hospital appointments, nativities, child illness, etc. It’s bloody hard.

@Charlie2121 @PotatoPudding as I said above, we have this exact situation - No WFH, no family help, both work FT hours. it is literally my lived, personal experience. I know no different, but we manage it. Maybe having both of us take on the load at home/childcare/holidays equally is the big thing. DH and I are both equal parents when it comes to childcare and sickness cover.

I think more than that it's having the ability to work very flexibly eg around a 3pm pick up, and having a very short commute.

@Charlie2121 was making the point that if you're doing a 9-5 with no flex it's really hard, especially as few people have a 5 min commute! You can have the most equal relationship in the world but if neither can make pick up or drop off, and if neither have lots of holiday, it ends up being very expensive.

I think this came from the time before all the funding for preschool childcare, we paid over £1000 a month for nursery care in the first 3 years so once DC was entitled to the funding and now at school it made an enormous difference for us