The ex’s chat

[Pricklylikethecactus]

If you’re early days seeing someone do you expect them to talk or ask about ex-partners or previous relationships? If they never asked would you think they weren’t serious as they weren’t looking to get to know you?
What questions would you ask?

I think it depends a bit on the person you’re with. Sometimes you can be having such a good time people don’t want to sour the mood. Personally I hate the exes conversations and don’t bring them up. My personal bugbear is boyfriends that refers to their exes in general conversation- fuck off I don’t want to hear about what you did together/where you holidayed/what she thought of this restaurant.

I've never known a man to ask or want to know about my past relationships. I guess I might ask them how long they'd been single, do they have kids, but I wouldn't want to hear detailed information about their past failed romances. In fact it's a massive red flag if people openly moan about their ex, branding them nutters etc.
I'd say if there is a lot of chat about exs then it sounds like the person is unreliable and maybe bitter. Or hadn't moved on from their last relationship.

I don't think it is normal to ask, or normal to not ask. I'd say if both sides are happy to ask/share then fine. If one wants to know and the other doesn't, then it should be respected.

Wild generalisation here. I get the impression that women ask because they want to know whether the man has been in serious relationships and knows what he's doing (it's often said here that women wouldn't want to be with a man if they found out he was a virgin). It is often said that men ask because (until pregnancy tests were invented) there was no way of knowing whether a child was truly theirs... so a 'lower numbered'/virgin woman was a 'safer bet' that he'd father his own child. Women know the child is theirs, so this is a uniquely male way of thinking.

Generally around the time of deciding if we are exclusive I ask why their last relationship ended. I don't particularly want to know everything about their ex, but knowing why it ended, and who ended it I find useful.

I think if they are part of the same friendship groups or they have kids together and you are likely to come across them then having a rough understanding of what happened is useful.

I think it generally comes up at some point and you just need to be honest but tactful.

However if there are problematic exes lurking or persistent conversations about the same exes etc then I think that’s unhelpful.

Early days I'd want to get to know about the person I'm dating not the Ex.