To feel like an old prune (long essay on sex talk)

[BaconBaps888]

I have a long term ‘friend’.
we met through kids nursery and the kids have got on brilliantly for- initially the same primary (we moved in year 5) now different high schools. Kids now year 7.
we both split up with our kids dads in year 1 and we really bonded over our shared experience of single parenting and dating again as a mum.

she is 33 and I am 39.
over the last five/six years our lives have really gone in different directions and I really don’t enjoy spending time with her and have being trying to phase her out over the last couple of years.

whenever we do meet up (mostly because my DD is hounding me to see her friend and I no longer trust this woman to care for my DD if I am not there) all she talks about is her sexual conquests, tinder nightmares and how much of a c** her DD dad is for reducing her time with their DD (totally justified IMO). She no longer has any idea what I do for a living, doesn’t know that i got married, or where ive been on holiday etc as she literally never asks me anything about myself.

we saw them recently and after being with us for 30minutes she asked if I would watch her kid for an hour while she went to have sex with someone who lives close by.
I said no I don’t think so and suggested that they wrap up to go home.

later she sent me a text saying that I’m not who used to be and I need to loosen up a bit.

I mean I used to have frank talks about sexual escapades in my early twenties with my girlfriends but that’s really not a topic of conversation anymore for me. Occasionally if I’m with really close girlfriends and we have had a couple of drinks and the topic of sex comes up we might have a bit of a giggle about a particular incident but am I a wrinkly old prune for not openly discussing my sex life or wanting to hear all the grim details of someone else’s?

as for watching her kid while she has sex with a stranger…perhaps if she had have just said that upfront instead of making the pretence of coming to hang out (which was actually completely unwanted) I might be more inclined ….. but I dunno wouldn’t you just say you were going for an appt or something??? Am I too uptight about it?

YANBU to refuse to look after her child for an hour so if you don't want to. But if she'd said "would you look after my child for an hour so I can go and choose some new library books?" and you'd have looked favourably on that, I guess you're into judgemental territory.

Re the chat, neither of you is BU really. Some people would find that normal conversation and others would be uncomfortable. I have friends in bbith camps and I adjust my conversation accordingly! She is BU to demand you be comfortable with it. You are being unreasonable to think that conversations like this don't happen at your age (whatever that is).

But you are 100% not bu that she talks endlessly about herself and doesn't ask you anything. You sound like v different people with little in common.

I think she's just a duff friend and you need to speed up your phasing out process! She doesn't take any interest in you, it's completely one sided and you have nothing in common. I'd like to think she'd struggle to find any friends who want to hear about details of her sexual escapades! It's gross, as is asking you to babysit while she sneaks off for a shag! 🤢

She sounds awful and I would drop her like a stone tbh. Life is too short to spend time with someone whose values and behaviours are so far out of sync with your own. And I would massively judge any parent who puts themselves in a vulnerable and unsafe position without thinking about the consequences for their child. That request is utterly grim and it would be the last time I hung out with her. I’d make her DD welcome at my house alone but not let my DD anywhere near her place.

I feel like it is a bit gross to talk so endlessly and intimately about sex?
I did with friends when I was younger but I feel like that’s a natural part of learning about sex and preferences and all that… now I have absolutely no interest in knowing what my mates get up to, unless it’s a funny anecdote, or feel any need to divulge my own activities for clarification, confirmation or affirmation!!

Totally agree with this.