Prude or safeguarding?

[Kittykate15]

My son and I recently went on an organised 5 day football trip, two days of travel, three days of matches. Kids aged between 8-13yrs and one or more parent per child. I knew there'd be a social element, late nights etc but was really shocked by the behaviour of some of the parents, one showed up to the coach with 48cans of lager and three bottles of spirits, drinking started at 8am and continued for the whole trip. The parents of the younger children were a lot more sensible but those with 12/13yr olds were fall over drunk half the weekend, letting their children drink alcohol, being very loud (music blasting in early hours etc) at our accommodation and the kids just running riot. One child was lost for 1.5hrs before anyone realised was missing, found asleep outside their accommodation as they couldn't get in, one child fractured ankle jumping over a fence running around the site and it wasn't realised until back home following day and taken to a&e. If we were talking 16+ year olds I'd probably be more relaxed but these were max 13year olds. I work in safeguarding in my day job and just felt very uncomfortable with it all, but not sure whether I can/should do anything, my child loves the sport and his coaches are very responsible (not part of the drinking group) but I hate the normalisation of these behaviours at such a young age. But then the sports club can hardly control the parents. Am I massively overthinking all this? I never did the organised sports thing so maybe this is standard practice.

You work in safeguarding so you are best place to assess what specific safeguarding issue there may be. Are you implying neglect, physical or psychological harm?

The children were under the control of their parents. If you think the parents were neglectful you can report to social care but I wouldn't waste your time. Most of your post is about them drinking too much. I think this will hardly be headline news to anyone.

"Prude" isn't really relevant here, is it? It means one who is easily shocked by nudity or sexual things (and imo is mostly a put-down of women with boundaries).

To the substance of your post, no, I don't think you were unreasonable at all. Adults being drunk and letting their children drink, disappear and get injured is atrocious.

I would be shocked by this too OP. It may not be a safeguarding issue as such but it's not great is it.

It’s pretty shit parenting, but depending upon the sport not wholly unexpected in my experience.

Though, as the parents were there themselves I assume you were all technically responsible for your own child? In which case I’d say and do nothing. Your child wasn’t at risk- and those kids whose parents are slam drunk will be at risk anyway as I can’t imagine that behaviour is limited to a weekend away. I just can’t see what it would change? Whether we agree with it or not there are dozens of pissed parents across the country in charge of their 12 year olds every weekend.

It's so awkward when this happens were any children completely unaccompanied and under another parents care? That might turn it into a safeguarding issue more s tha being drunk with your own child.

What I would do is write to the team governors/committee with examples of the behaviour of the volunteer parents and your concern for it as a safeguarding issue AND bringing the club into disrepute, suggest parents signing a Code of Conduct or being banned from taking part in future years.. The wider club should be hot on this and it sounds like the coaches attending may feel the same way.

That sounds pretty awful. Parents drinking - well, so do I. But drinking to the point where theyre incapable of looking out for their overexcited 12-y-o DC is a bit more than that.

I would talk to the Club about it, perhaps asking if they'd consider setting out some guidelines before the next trip, because they'll probably (and understandably) say "parents responsible for supervision of their own child, so not our volunteer coaches job to step in". Something like "we want everyone to enjoy this childrens trip, but please be aware parents are responsible for tyeir children who are likely to be very excitable! Please be mindful of the need to supervise your own child when making plans".

I presume the parents were meant to be in charge of their children, not the club, for the weekend. It's a huge issue, and I would raise your concerns with the club. I would think that poor behaviour should be a bar to joining future trips, if children or their parents are causing problems, they should be banned from been allowed to join the club for future events. Will that happen? Probably not if it's already being tolerated. I'd be more inclined to walk with my feet or choose not to attend these events in the future personally.

I mean it’s obviously absolutely shitty behaviour and I think I would probably be looking for another club or not signing up for any more trips, but in terms of safeguarding I think it depends on whether the club/ coaches were “in charge” or the parents were. I agree that there might well be something for the club to think about (I assume that the club has a safeguarding lead) but if the kids were technically in the charge of their parents at this point, I’m not sure what the club could do (grab the booze off the parents? Tell them to up their parenting game?). As others have said it’s probably more a matter for the police (neglect) or social services- personally I’d probably report to social services at the very least.

I suspect that officially the kids were considered their parents responsibility.

So you can report the parents to SS.

Unless you never drink yourself and have never enjoyed yourself on holiday - then don't report this!

Dear me - these people consider themselves to be proper parents?!

Nothing wrong with a social drink with chidlren around, but getting legless is an entirely different thing.

I would write to the club and say that you were disappointed in the behaviour on the trip and would hope they might set some ground rules for further trips.

How old is your son? Did he enjoy the trip? Did you discuss the drinking behaviour with him?

How is that relevant. Getting drunk in an adult only environment or having a
couple of drinks in an evening on a family holiday is completely different from being drunk around yours and others kids and being responsible for them.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Teacher here and when I went to overnight ‘celebrations’ for my two leaving primary I was dismayed at the drinking culture and laissez faire attitudes of some of the parents. In this instance it was outdoor climbing walls and a swimming lake. Some folks were intent on getting pissed and letting their kids run riot. I wasn’t surprised when there was an accident that resulted in a hospital trip. I didn’t stay the second time as I hated the whole atmosphere. Just imagine if the roles were reversed and it had been coaches/staff that started drinking first thing…

I would be disappointed in adults being very drunk around children. I am not sure there is anything you can/should do about it though. I might not attend the next trip, I would talk to my own child about alcohol and use them as an example of how it is dangerous to drink too much when discussing alcohol as they get older.

If the coaches were unhappy they might set some boundaries for next time. If they aren't bothered or feel it is outwith their control then anything you say won't make much difference but still may be worth mentioning to them.

Is this the sort of thing where you book in as a club for a privately organised tournament?
Like ESF at Butlins? (I’m not affiliated to either, the one I went to was extremely well run)

In which case, it comes down to your club having a number of parents who are trashy. As long as the coaches aren’t involved in it - which you say they weren’t - I wouldn’t say this was a club issue.

This is normalised behaviour for a lot of families. As long as my child wasn’t at risk I’d shrug my shoulders and judge them in my head, and enjoy the sports.

I remember the first time I took my 3yo to Haven. We loved it, and went back. But the WKD at 10:00am in soft play was eye opening for me!

If you "work in safeguarding" I'm surprised you're having to ask. I also work in safeguarding and it's pretty clear cut to me from what you've written. Even if there is an expectation that parents take responsibility for their own DC on the trip, if the trip was organised by the Club then the Club still have a duty of care. All the coaches should have recieved some level of safeguarding training and would know that the following is not acceptable

1. A child was lost and no one realised they were missing for over an hour. They were found sleeping outside their accommodation as they were locked out.

1. Another child was injured and did not get medical attention in a timely manner.

1. Several parents were too drunk to stand up, let alone properly supervise their children.

1. There were children age 13 and possibly younger drinking alcohol on the trip.

All these things could easily lead to a child coming to significant harm.

Yes, ultimately parents should have been supervising their DC but that doesn't mean that the Club can abdicate all safeguarding responsibility on a trip they have organised. Parents being on the trip doesn't mean the Club don't have to bother having their own risk assessment and safeguarding processes in place. If anything it sounds as though some parents increased the risk to children on this trip rather than mitigated it and that needs to be taken into account when planning future trips and risk management measures put in place.

You need to speak to the Club's safeguarding officer. If they don't have one that's a red flag. If they aren't concerned or claim there is nothing they can do then that's frankly not good enough and I would find a different club for my child. All coaches, referees and volunteers who are involved in children's sport have a duty of care to children.

As an aside, for anyone involved in planning trips like this I would recommend the NSPCC safer sports events training.

I work in safeguarding in my day job and just felt very uncomfortable with it all then you're the expert here. What do you think?

Do you "work in safeguarding" as in you have had safeguarding training? Or you actually work in safeguarding?

The situation is a bit weird as the fact that the trip was organised by a club is neither here nor there as it wasn't, on the face of it, any member of staff not doing their job, but the parents who were clearly in it for a jolly.

It would depend on the disclaimers that had been put in place before the event really. Club responsibility? Or parents?

At the end of the day, you either need to report what sounds like a hell of a lot of people being pissed while with their own children (and surely you understand how that will go down with SS and the relevant authorities ) or the club. Which will say the parents were there to be responsible for their own kids particularly if the parent trip was organised part and parcel of the kids' trip.

I'd have hated this and would never go away with them again, but really? Safe guarding...social services??? Sounds like a group of people having fun which wasn't to your taste.

I’d agree with this. Sadly this behaviour isn’t all that unusual, but all parents make mistakes and they weren’t in charge of toddlers.

I work in safeguarding and I’d really struggle with this; I would speak to the club and mention that if someone happened it wouldn’t be good for their reputation and ask if they can give expectations. I’d also be personally wondering if I needed to make referrals about some of the parents as the examples you’ve given are harmful to the children.

Also I’m surprised at people on here not being bothered; there’s a big difference between a couple of drinks and being drunk with a child in your care and if you come to the attention of the police when you’re not in a state to care for a child you will be arrested.

I would have to say to the club organisers that due to your work involving safeguarding you felt really uncomfortable (with the reasons listed by a pp) and would no longer be able to come (nor the child)- or would have to stay somewhere else.

If something had happened and had to be investigated, what would your position have been at work?

I have seen people step back from volunteering because they’d be required to report what was happening because of their work.

My friend goes on similar trips with the local kids rugby club age 12-15. Nice middle class area, parents with professional jobs, all kids go to the local grammar school. She said it’s exactly the same - drinking on the coach at 8am, raucous behaviour etc. Sounds like hell to me and makes me so glad my DS isn’t into football or rugby.