Eating on the phone

[Icehockeyflowers]

This is my first AIBU but its not the first time this has happened and I am really enraged at the moment.

I have to phone an elderly relative every couple of weeks. Every second time I phone, this person is either eating a sweet (sounds like a boiled sweet and hitting it off their teeth and grinding it) or eating food when I call.

From experience, I have learned to ask if they are eating so I can call back when they have finished but they always reply that they are not, even though they clearly are. Or they reply 'just a sweet'. Now for an ordinary person, a sweet is eaten within a minute or two but this person can make it last ten to fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes of chewing and hitting it off their teeth.

I avoid ringing at meal times. I ring at odd times to try to catch this person when they are not eating. But every bloody time I ring they are eating or even worse begin eating while I'm on the phone.

I rang this week after 9pm. The phone was answered and I mistakenly thought the person was eating a sweet. Eventually after ten minutes I couldn't stand it anymore and asked 'Are you eating a sweet', to which they replied' 'No. I'm eating cream crackers'. WHO picks up the phone and eats cream crackers while on the phone.

I'm annoyed and tired of it. Its literally ten minutes a week. If I say 'maybe you can call me back when you have finished' the standard reply is 'oh I'm finished (when they clearly haven't) but they won't ring me back anyway but will get the hump that I didn't stay to make small talk.

Should I suck it up? It is only ten minutes a week. - YABU.
Its rude (but the person doesn't think or care its rude) - YANBU.

When I hang up the phone, sometimes I can barely contain myself. I end up shouting at the kids. I'm peri menopausal and I am finding myself getting more and more worked up about about this and then angry at myself for not controlling my temper.

Shouting at your kids because you get worked up is not on. It’s nothing to do with them, you can’t use them as an emotional punchbag. You can tell your relative is eating so just tell them ‘I can hear you’re eating, please call me back when you’re done; it sounds disgusting’ and hang up.

Could you try just saying I’ll call back later and hanging up?

They may not do it if they know you won’t hang about on the call waiting for them to finish.

My DM does this, I now actually believe she does it on purpose because she knows I can't stand it. I now hang up, each and every time she does it.

Just stop phoning.

Let them phone you when they’ve finished snacking.

Have you directly asked them not to eat when on the phone to you?
i had to ask a relative not to do it as it bothered me. They stopped. Problem solved!

I have misophonia and I get it.
I hang up

The person wouldn't give a toss if it annoyed me. They'd hang up on me and say something similar to 'suit yourself' and I'd be left worrying if they were ok or not. They will not pick up the phone themselves. They are able to but won't. But will freely complain that I haven't phoned. I have tried leaving it for over a month to see if they will phone me but they don't.

If they are eating when you call doesn’t that mean they are fine?

Could you install an Amazon Alexa at their house? I have one at my elderly parents (with their permission). It’s great for dropping in, seeing them pottering about about.

I have this with my mum nearly every time I phone her. I say I’ll phone you back when you’ve finished eating, hang up give it 10 minutes and ring again. usually she’s finished by then.
I’m not great with eating noises at the best of times but it’s so much louder over the phone and really rude when I can tell she isn’t listening to me as she’s focusing on eating!

What a bizarre post !

What is the purpose of your call?

I have to call people for work and I agree the chewing/slurping noises are disgusting. Drinking and smoking are also particularly gross when done directly into your ear. I think I would hate it even more if it was someone I knew.

I get it OP- eating noises drive me potty and it’s even more amplified on the phone. I always get off the phone as quickly as possible if someone is eating.

Checking in really. Staying in touch because they won't ring me and I don't want to lose all contact with them.

I do it with my sister, or drink tea - she always talks at me and never pauses for breath or to listen, so I doubt she notices :)

I don’t think it’s bizarre!
This woman could be my sister from a different mister 🤣
My parents are exactly the same - eating, going to the toilet, all with the phone on loud speaker. I am peri menopausal and it drives me insane. I have repeatedly asked can you please not eat while talking to me, can you not put the phone on loudspeaker and they just ignore me. I come off the phone like a demon as I am so pissed at the lack of respect for me. I am the sibling that does the most for them too. I would say my blood pressure is through the roof on those calls. Everything this op says I get!

Your poor kids, you hate the sound of people eating on the phone, they probably hate the sound of you shouting at them.

I hate it. Customers do it a lot, I had one eating muesli and it's like white hot rage
Can't ask them to stop though so I have to tolerate it

Stop ringing them, until you are no longer 'peri.' 🙄

I have just googled that and that sounds just like me. How did you get diagnosed with that?

Flare audio ear thingys muffles the sound so it's less rage inducing

Yes. I feel terrible about this. Its not every time but it did happen this week and I still feel awful about it.

Recently I ring when I go out for a walk in a park as being in nature can calm me down a bit while I'm on the phone. But I can't walk and talk if its windy or wet. I don't often phone when the kids are in the house as a) they interrupt me on the phone and b) the relative is sometimes hard of hearing can't hear over the sound of their own eating so I have to speak loudly and that annoys the kids.

It's causing you so much anger and stress that tbh you should stop calling them.
You're calling just to stay in touch but this person does not bother to call you if you don't call them. I don't know what either of you get out of it.

@Irishmama100 life experiences like being unable to sit on a tube next to someone eating a kebab or banana. TBF it got so bad at one point my own crunching annoyed me.😂

Earing noises are fucking horrible down the phone

I'd be hanging up each and every time they ate while you called. And probably stop calling if they carried on.

It's just so disrespectful