Change my brain

[badbrain]

Hello, I wanted to know if other people have this issue as it's really impacting my joy and enjoyment of life. I have DC 5 & 8 and I really want to enjoy their childhood but this issue is preventing me.

I own my own business and it's everything I think about. If it's either going well or terribly and high pressure I can only seem to gleam joy or dopamine from when I complete or tick of a job off within my business. If sales are down it consumes me. It's like an obsession with productivity. I can't seem to forget the to do list at any moment of my day or night. I feel like my brain has got stuck in this mode.l and I don't know how to get out. I would love to switch off and forget even for 30 mins. It's exhausting me and I'm becoming a total bore for everyone.

Has anyone ever had this with their work and been able to over come the way their brain seems to be stuck in productivity mode.

I was just playing a game with the kids in the garden for the first time this year and instead of enjoying it I was cycling over the to do list in my head. Just awful! Would love to know if anyone else is like this.

Bumping

No answers for you Badbrain, but I've just had a long weekend off to spend with family we haven't seen in months and could I switch off?
No!
Let's think about a day trip... have I updated that spreadsheet?
Shall we go out for dinner... did I remember to reply to that email?
Having a lazy lie-in... let's think obsessively about work
Etc, etc...
It almost drains the joy out of your valuable "free" time
So, sorry. But I'll be following, just in case somebody has the answer!
Fingers crossed x

So sorry you have this too. It is a total affliction. I wonder if it's only when we get to retirement that our brain switches off?

Have you tried meditation and mindfulness? It is possible to train your brain to calm, but it's a skill you need to learn and practice.

Not just you! Not that I have any advice but I also think about work obsessively, I dream about work every single night (the only time I don’t is if I’ve been on away from it on holiday for a while). I get illogically twitchy on a Sunday because of the hatred of being at work and it being all consuming, but also the need to be there and the panic that if i’m not working, I’m not doing anything valuable. Wierd!

I hope this will stop when I retire, although I’m sure some other obsession will kick in. I’m a person who goes through intensive phases of being ‘into’ things so maybe it just extends into my work life and is part of who I am.

That's life as a business owner. There is very little time or brain capacity for anything else, sorry. I recently retired, sold my business and feel utterly empty and pointless..... I'm currently the DIY queen so that at least my time is filled whilst I work out what to do next (I know I need a 'rest' before I launch into volunteering or something else!)

@SleepingisanArt I think this is me. I have always said that my brain is like an energetic dog and it needs to be exercised by solving problems like a dog needs taking for a walk every day. When I had my first baby I got severe PND I think from my intense brain being left with absolutely nothing to think about and solve. Any one got any ideas of how I can calm my brain so it can enjoy some 'time off' x

My husband and I are the same, and we're both business owners.

He especially is always thinking and talking about his business and if I'm honest, it's completely consuming. Every meal we go out for that's the conversation, every holiday, every weekend (what we get of one) I've adjusted to it well, and am actually similar now I have my own business.

I'd love to have a switch, to just turn all of the thoughts off, but when you own a business it's a different kind of pressure and the only solution I know of is to have a job where you're an employee. As when I was an employee, I wasn't like this.

Owning a business is a life choice and I can see now, why so many people give them up. My husband can't but one day I may go back to employment.

I think it's much harder now with the economy the way it is as well.

We do meditation and mindfulness, I do breathwork/yoga/somatics but still have a racing brain unfortunately 😕 please anyone give us your solutions.

@summersundays glad to know it's not just me, that does bring me a comfort but also sorry you are also stuck in this eternal productivity mode.

I've never coped well being in an employee as I really don't like the set hours and non flexibility. I suppose it's the trade off isn't it. I get to do what I want when I want but that means doing it all the time. Arghhhhhhhh. Anyone know of any drugs I can take for even a temporary relief? *never done drugs before but getting desperate now

I have a brain like this. I get obsessed by work and it occupies my thoughts way beyond what is reasonable.

Re disconnecting from the constant thinking of work and being present in other facets of your life…I think you have to be really deliberate about this. Your inner narrative has to be audible to yourself - eg - u may have to keep saying to yourself “this is family time - work has to wait. Family time is my priority in this moment” whilst also allowing yourself the reassurance that at 4pm you can open up your laptop and deal with whatever is there. You cd apply this to family time, wellbeing time for yourself, relationship time, time with friends- whatever.

You have a high level of personal awareness to notice this about yourself- some people just don’t see it or don’t think they have the choice to do anything about it.
create deliberate habits- eg - at the table you might choose not to talk about work or to keep it to a minimum in order to focus on the kids. If u start to drift to work thoughts, use your self awareness to bring you back to the present and be present. Don’t scold yourself- just say to yourself “well done - you are back in the moment “.

For me, switching off only comes from highly absorbing or highly sensory activity- eg - time with close friends, learning a musical instrument or jumping into a pool of cold water. Also putting on loud music and flashing disco lights works for me which is why my kitchen is set up to transform into a nightclub at any given moment. Well, a really shit nightclub but you get the gist.

You described your brain as an energetic dog (great description by the way) - maybe you need to train it like one. Firm, deliberate boundaries but plenty of time to let it do what it wants to do (the work stuff).

😀

@ClydeBank THIS IS EXCELLENT ADVICE. Thank you so much! I'm going to try and consciously do this. I suppose it's like time blocking but for your brain. You are right I need firm boundaries like a dog.

I don't have my own business but I would also say I have an energetic brain. It never shuts up.

I'm a teacher which is a never ending job, so even when I'm not at school, the world of teaching consumes my brain - lesson plans, marking, challenging pupils, strategies to help pupils succeed etc...

I agree with @ClydeBank about the absorbing activities! I love listening to loud music in the gym, I play lots of instruments to take my brain away from life, and when I'm with my kids I put my phone away and remind myself this is family time and they're only little once.

I now work 3 days a week so on my two days off whilst the kids are at school I can (attempt to) get everything work related done, then attempt to turn off work brain at 3.15pm at school pick up.

You need to set your brain into work brain times and family brain times and sleep brain times!

This is my husband too. I get it, and in some ways it’s good that he’s so committed to making our business work. It gets too much sometimes though and I have to gently ask him “do you know anything that’s going on in the kids’ lives?” and he realises that he hasn’t asked a single thing about anyone else. Luckily he’s open to it.

I wish we’d never started this business, BUT to be fair, he was kind of obsessed with work before that anyway so if it wasn’t the business it would be something else, and at least I’m involved in work.

This makes me feel like I'm not abnormal thinking this way. It's can just be quite miserable when business is tough and you need a break to beable to find the energy to drive it. But your brain just starts going into overdrive.

I think the personality that causes the ‘throwing all effort’ into a business is what makes a person want to run their own business rather than being busy and ending up having little time for anything else iyswim. True for me and a lot of other business owners I know. We flog ourselves. However, when I worked for other people I was all consumed by work too. It’s a personality type I think.

I make serious efforts in my head to detach and not allow myself go down the rabbit hole when I’m at home (and especially in the middle of the night as my sleep can be chronic). I agree that you have to set boundaries with yourself.

My husband is also sometimes a bad sleeper. He finds it utterly amazing that I can wake up in the night and just lie there awake, thinking about nothing much and then fall back to sleep.

When we’re jet lagged and I’ll say “just lie there in the dark and enjoy the fact that you don’t have to do anything” he’s just boggled by the idea of laying down doing nothing and enjoying it 😁

@Whalewatching I think you are right and it is a personality type. I sometimes fantasise about what a stoner lifestyle would be like. I would love to have a stoner brain even for a little bit just to feel mellow.