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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Well Am I?

17 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/04/2008 11:48

I warn you ladies this is going to be a long one, but please bear with me.

Ds1 is 9yrs old and the school he goes to has 4 white children, 3 asians and 3 mixed race children, the other 200+ are mainly black african. Now this has never been a problem to myself or my son until 2 yrs ago a girl said to him "Your white, you can get nits and you stink" now at the time he was 7 and replied with "if i stink cos i am white you stink cos you are black" when i collected him from school that day i was told by the head that he had been put in the book for racism, i was told exactly what both children had said, i asked if both had been put in the book and told "No the other child was making a childish comment" .....I asked head why the girl making a similar comment was not deemed racist but my son was? I am still waiting for an answer. I have since been to the school numerous times to ask for them to help with ds1 who is coming home in tears due to comments being made and kids hitting him....in simple terms being bullied. The outcome is it is still happening. The latest thing has had me riled for almost 3 weeks now. On 18th march i pick ds1 up early to see his face red raw down the right side,....he tells me adam has punched him repeatedly in the head face neck and shoulder..... i ask why, he said i made a comment to him last week and he didn't like it....errr do children plan attacks like this? |Did you make a comment i ask? No mummy i promise you i didnt.

I phone school next morning to say ds1 won't be in as i need to take him to dr's as he is in pain with head and ear, head says i can imagine he is, the attack was very violent but ds1 OBVIOUSLY said something to instigate it, I get off phone and write a long letter to school once again highlighting the problems in school. Also ds1 was put on report in January for commiting a major crime...... losing concentration at the end of the day...he is 9yrs old ffs. I read the report book and almost every page says the same, lost focus at the end of the school day, he needs to be careful what he says, and how he acts around his peers. Now i don't for one second think my son is an angel and innocent but he cant be responsible for every issue arising with him and other children when the class teacher has told me already, the main problem is because my mum works in the school.....and the children are wary of ds1. I have written as much in the report book and i will not sign it anymore it is fcking pointless so he is a 9 yr old child who at the end of the day loses focus, surely most children do don't they?

Back to the latest attack the comment he is supposed to have made which was not witnessed was "You bought your shoes in africa" the head says this is derogatory (sp) and has racial overtones. Please tell me if i tell someone they bought their shoes in italy is this also racist???????

am i being unreasonable in thinking the school are wrong to always blame my ds1 which is what they always do.

OP posts:
DoYouSeeWhatISee · 02/04/2008 11:53

How awfull , YANBU, the other child/children were obviously being as racist (if thats how they are looking at it) i dont really have any advice to offer but can imagine its an awfull situation to be in

lollipopmother · 02/04/2008 11:54

It does seem that your son has been receiving a lot of negative remarks from the teachers. Do you speak to any other parents, are you sure that the school isn't hard on all incidents that they perceive are racist? It does seem rather heavy handed baring in mind the age of your kid.

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/04/2008 11:58

Lolli,
I am still trying to figure out how telling someone they bought their shoes in africa is racist. i just can't get that bit. Have spoken to many parents at the school and nor can they either.

OP posts:
merrymum · 02/04/2008 11:58

Hi, so sorry your ds is going through such an awful time. sounds like the school are being overly pc? not sure if that is the right phrase to use but from what you have said your ds is not being racist, if he was saying to them the same comments they have been using to him then it would be it is wrong that he is being punished for sticking up for himself. no child should be coming home with injuries caused by other children no matter who they are. as regards to the way the school are handling the situation i would suggest you contact your local education aurthority (LEA) and maybe the governors? my dd was bullied for most of year 1 and i didnt get any joy from the head untill i involved the lea and governors. i really hope your ds is ok and that this is resolved soon.

catzy · 02/04/2008 12:00

You are still waiting for reply after 2 yrs. The original girl needed to be punished for her racist comment. I don't think you should have let that drop.

In the same way that the first girl said ' your white, you can get nits and you stink' This is racist in the same way 'you bought your shoes in africa' is.

I would express all your concerns to the school in writing as these will be held on file and keep copies for yourself.

What is happening about your son being assulted?

LilRedWG · 02/04/2008 12:01

It does sound as though your son is being bullied here and that the school is taking PC to the opposite level. Every person can be racist - it is not a white perogative.

No advice I'm afraid, other than look for another school - the culture in this one does not seem healthy.

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/04/2008 12:02

Catzy, the other child was sent home for an afternoon. I still can't see how telling someone they bought their shoes in another country is racist....personally i buy mine in primark lol

OP posts:
edam · 02/04/2008 12:05

Move schools, now. Your ds's current school is useless, and endorsing racism as long as it is aimed at white kids.

They are also flouting all government and LEA policies on bullying. Pathetic.

Have a look on the Kidscape website for info about bullying and what schools should be doing. And, if you want to take it further, go and see your MP.

OrmIrian · 02/04/2008 12:05

"the attack was very violent but ds1 OBVIOUSLY said something to instigate it,"

Oh that's alright then

Is there another school he can go to?

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/04/2008 12:08

In reply to whoever said the culture in this school doesnt seem healthy sadly it is the same in most of the schools where we live. I dont really want to pull hm out of school and change them as he has just over a yr to go and academically is excelling. And he doesn't want to change yet either. oh ffs i am in a state here

OP posts:
lollipopmother · 02/04/2008 12:10

It sounds to me that the actual teachers are bullying the OPs kid as well though, always taking the other kid's side in an argument.

edam · 02/04/2008 12:11

do have a look at the Kidscape website and the Department for Children, Families and Schools - then quote good practice/govt. policy at the school. And think about reporting the attack to the police - schools are not immune from the law, however much some might pretend they are. An assault is an assault.

PotPourri · 02/04/2008 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

catzy · 02/04/2008 12:15

Sent home for the afternoon??? That is insane. I would speak to the head and tell him you are unhappy. Don't care what your son did or said. Violence needs to be dealt with.

I think any reference to someones culture/country can be seen as racist. By the nature of the sentence it does not seem like your son was saying it in a nice way. However, at this age I cannot see that a child of that age understands it as racist. Kids will use anything to insult someone, eg. race, weight, glasses. How on earth are you meant to teach your son whats right when the school are accepting it when someone is racist to him. That original incident must have confused the hell out of him.

Hope you get it sorted.

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/04/2008 12:53

Catzy, the thing is he is adament he never said anything and yet the head teacher with only the child who attacked him as a witness is adament that he did. ???????

just spoken to someone at kidscape and they have said it sounds like the school are looking for a scape goat to use to hide the bullying....

OP posts:
catzy · 02/04/2008 13:00

But in the heads own words 'the attack was very violent'.

I think you should speak to the head again. Tell him/her everything thats bothering you. If the school are using your son as a scape goat it's going to be down to you to protect him.

Can you look at moving schools??

redadmiral · 02/04/2008 13:01

Is it possible to get someone impartial to advise the school. Maybe a black person. It might sound a bit off the wall as a suggestion, but my friend's husband is black and he works advising companies on what is discriminatory or not.

What you have described sounds wrong to me, but perhaps they will not listen to you now, and maybe someone who is not involved could help.

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