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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure if this guy feels intimidated?

3 replies

Malevolentwasps · 01/05/2024 10:58

I studied languages at university, have lived abroad and also have dual nationality. As a result I speak several languages, but I really don't care if others do or not.
I try to read books in the language I studied in order to maintain it. I told this guy I'm talking to about a book we both liked that I rriecTouch and hold a clip to pin it. and he said 'wow the fact that you can do that is insane'. I'd also gone to this country a few months back and he said he couldn't believe I'd been able to converse over there in that language.
I told him I'm sure he'd be able to if he wanted to but he said it takes too much time to learn another language.
I do drawing as a hobby, they aren't great by any means. I occasionally show close friends to get feedback (this seems to be what people do) and I showed him. He said it was really good and then I asked him if he had any interest in drawing/art. He looked embarrassed and said no, and that he can't really afford hobbies ATM.
I almost said that the vast majority of my hobbies are free, but I thought that may sound patronising.
I actually feel like most people don't really care about daft drawings I do and stuff like that, I appreciate the interest he has taken in the things I do.
I don't really care at all if he doesn't speak x languages or have a range of hobbies, I find him interesting and like him for who he is.
Not sure if he feels a bit inadequate or something? It might put him off?

OP posts:
Notts276 · 01/05/2024 11:03

I don't understand. What has he said or done that makes you think he might be intimidated?

Malevolentwasps · 01/05/2024 11:04

Notts276 · 01/05/2024 11:03

I don't understand. What has he said or done that makes you think he might be intimidated?

Not necessarily intimidated, he just seemed embarrassed when I asked about his hobbies.
Another thing was gigs, I can't afford expensive ones either very often but I go to several very cheap/free ones. He said his last gig was 7 years ago.

OP posts:
Iloveblink182 · 01/05/2024 11:12

Maybe he just isn’t interested in art/ drawing? I have loads of hobbies but art is something I find so insanely mundane. I have a friend who draws and whilst she’s good she’s not amazing and sometimes I feel awkward when she shows me her drawings because whilst she is a better than average drawer, there are clearly obvious flaws in her work. So if you’re not absolutely amazing maybe he just felt awkward? If he’s not into art and you clearly are then maybe he didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying he’s not? If my arty friend asked me if I was into art/drawing I wouldn’t say “no it’s boring”, I would try to gloss over it.

I almost said that the vast majority of my hobbies are free, but I thought that may sound patronising.

That does sound patronising, and like you’re judging him. Not sure why you’d think he was intimidated though unless he is saying he thinks you’re better than him?

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