To ask if anyone has found being a lone or single easy or at least no harder than in a couple?

[Huif]

I’m 38. Been with dh several years. I really want a baby. dh can’t leave his job, it’s extremely niche and well paid, and he loves it. He works long hours and often weekends. It’s been like this since I met him 8 years ago and at times even having a relationship has been hard as holidays etc are hard to come by!

Anyway, dh would also like a child but has been clear that his working pattern can’t change. Realistically we would have weekends with him and the baby wouldn’t really see him before bed in the week (he gets home at 8:30 and leaves at 6:30 in the morning). We do have days out most weekends together and when he’s been with my nephews he is brilliant so I know our baby would have great one to one time at least one day a week with him (unless he was in a busy patch where sometimes two weeks go by and he has no time off).

I feel I could manage ok myself. But am I being naive? I would literally be doing it all with no support except financial. No family support etc. Has anyone enjoyed doing it largely alone?

But it's not the same. I am a single parent and at times it's pretty easy as my ex didn't do alot but your DH is there. Assuming you say he's home at 8.30 - he is there. You can nip out to buy some milk, you can meet friends and there is someone at home with the baby.

The hard bit of the single bit is having to cart your child out whatever you want to do and however quick that is because you cannot leave them alone at home.

Sorry I should have clarified that he’s home at 8:30 when he’s not working away in the week. He’s away in the week 75% of the time.

Yes, it's fine. And it's not really like being a single parent. My DH has always worked long hours although he has a bit of flexibility for sickness etc. It's not that tricky really especially if he earns enough for you to be able to outsource things eg having a cleaner. My DH works a lot of the weekend too and it's just something you have to deal with especially if it's being well financially rewarded.

This is my husband’s working pattern plus a lot of international travel. It’s fine. I don’t think it’s comparable at all to being a single mum.

Honestly I think the proportion of families where both parents are home at 6 and can therefore share the load exactly equally is pretty small- lots of people have long or irregular hours, shift work etc. it’s normal.

@WorriedWife3 thanks. Yes I suppose it’s quite common!

I haven't experienced this as a mother but my Dad was away with work all the time when I was little. When he was in the UK he would often work 12 hour days or nights so I wouldn't see him. I remember sneaking half way down the stairs and trying to peep through the bannisters into the living room to catch a glimpse of him in the evening. Over 50% of the time he would be on location so I wouldn't see him at all. In fact, we moved house all while my Dad was on location once (obviously he knew, but he hadn't even viewed the new house). He arrived back from location realising he didn't even know the new address!!

I can't speak for my Mum's experience but they are still together and absolutely still in love. I had a nanny until my little sister was born and my Mum gave up work. They then had my second sister so my mum had all three of us on her own most of the time. From the point of view from a child going through that experience, despite my Dad not being able to be around much we have a really special bond and I don't feel like I lost anything. The memories I do have with him when I was younger are all really magic. My Mum always explained to us he was away because he loved us and wanted to provide the best life for us all and he really did, I couldn't be more proud of him.