To want to live on the Army patch?

[PiranhaPeaches]

Following on from the thread about snobbery, my partner of 2 years and I are considering our options. He's in the army, based further north, I work in London but have the kind of job that can find work just about anywhere.

We are planning a move out to the north as it's where he's based and also where I'm from originally.

Until we can buy somewhere, I suggested renting on the patch. He is vehemently against the idea.

My thoughts are it will mean we don't have to pay sky-high rental prices, it will save us hours of driving to see each other every weekend, we'd have much more space than we do now, and we're not at the mercy of landlords who could sell up / evict us. Partners role means little risk of him disappearing for months on end. He has two more years at this base and is likely to extend there until he leaves in 5 years. Living on the patch would be a temporary measure until we buy.

He says the patches are bitchy and horrible and I don't understand what they're like (frankly unless they're whipping eggs at the house or playing D&B at 3am, I don't care. I'm a very laid back person, but my partner is not). He says they tell on each other all the time, make up rumours, and the husbands / partners are up in front of COs to complain / explain.

There is a further complication which I hadn't thought of before, but following on from the snobbery thread I'm including here. My partner is working class. Joined at 16. Senior NCO. I'm the opposite. Come from family of officers, few titles scattered about (not on my side). Privately educated, university, "posh" career. It makes no difference to us, we're together because we have strong shared values and ambitions and because we make each other laugh til we can't breathe. But it sounds like this might cause an issue for other people on base, based on aforementioned thread.

So, am I completely bonkers to consider it? Is it really that bad? Or would it be worth putting up with for a short while?

It's like living at work.

Your boss sees you telling off your kids, your co-workers get involved with the fact that Jane is no longer taking to Helen because she didn't get invited to the BBQ etc.

If you don't work with these people it won't impact you as much.

Honestly, it's good to have some space from your colleagues.

Honestly... the normal people out number the loobs. You don't need to get involved in any drama. Most people don't.

However... the state of a lot of housing is appalling. Mould. Crumbling walls. Manky carpets and curtains. Takes ages to get repairs.
About the only good thing is its cheap.

Do you ever visit?

Thank you, this is largely my thinking. Assume there will be one or two stirrers but most people are generally pretty decent or simply not interested!

Aware the state of the housing isn't top spec, have spent my fair share of time on a number of bases around the UK before I met partner too. But both partner and I are practical and good at DIY. I haven't seen these particular patch houses from the inside, but the sergeants mess is in reasonably good order. If the patch houses were in a truly appalling state we'd give it a miss however.

We alternate weekends so I'm there fairly regularly. When walking about at the weekends my main impression is how quiet it is to be honest. When I've been there midweek it's still fairly quiet too.

It wouldn't be much of a change from how it is now to be honest. He lives in sergeants mess, I live in a houseshare in London.

We both have our own social circles outside of work so although I'm happy to socialise on base (of course) it wouldn't be my sole source of company! We don't go to many army events now tbh, maybe the odd summer party. I probably go to more army events involving school friends than I do involving DP!

I had my eldest son when I was 23 and lived on patch. I came from a different area and background then most of the other spouses… but I will always say they were amazing to me. The battalion was in Iraq and I was pregnant then had a newborn, far from family. They became my family and the level of helping each other out was incredible, like a village of old.
when the men ( and women) came back that went quickly and it was as husband described. So If he’s not away I don’t think I’d consider.
my house was fantastic for a small house, families office was great.
would I do this now at 42 with a two year old ?
some days yes. There was always support and so many groups for mums.
but the bitchy school playground issue is real.
saying that lots of ladies, especially with no children, happily kept themselves to themselves.
sorry I don’t think this has helped!
if no children and he’s not away i really wouldn’t recommend x

Read the book “The Military Wives” Wherever You Are, published by Harper.

It gives snippets of day to day life on the patch.

It’s the individual stories of military wives who came together to form the Military Wives Choir.

Might help give you more insight.

Edited for an error

I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about till you give it a go. I know nothing about the Army but these are surely people you would place your life in the hands of, I’m sure they will be fine

You'd be a fool to not utilise the cheap rent, one of the few perks. Cant relate to the bitchy stuff (or the living at work stuff, be we never lived behind the wire), get as involved as you want, or don't, it just felt like living on any other housing estate, we kept ourselves to ourselves. We were always pretty fortunate with our MQs. And I don't really understand your points about snobbery or class so will leave that there.

Thank you for the perspective! No children here yet, but I'm happy to keep myself to myself. Always happy to talk to anyone, don't really have any interest in getting involved in drama or gossip though.

This is what I'm thinking, what will be the issue really if you're just living your life quietly and keeping yourself to yourself?

As I mentioned, I was reading another thread about snobbery this morning and how people on the patch can be depending on rank etc, which gave me a kick to post this thread.

@PiranhaPeaches oh sorry, have you got a link of topic area? I'm intrigued it never felt like we lived MQs (except for the magnolia obvs) no different to where we live now (we bought elsewhere in the end). Camps are big, it's unlikely you'll be next door to his boss or something like that.

It was this thread! Lots of other discussion but several posts about living on base.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5064919-whats-the-snobbish-thing-youve-heard-out-loud

I never got into the whole rank snobbery thing, I earn twice what he does and more than most of the military people we come across at functions so it just isn't anything that would impress or intimidate me! Genuinely haven't come across it anyway.

Oh thank you, off to grab a tea

I personally don't care either.

My mother (former RAF officer) was slightly taken aback that I was dating a) an NCO and b) an army NCO no less. But she's over it now. I think.

@PiranhaPeaches

My son is planning on joining, I'm trying to encourage him to go the officer route mostly for the money tbh (I sound very money obsessed on this thread ha) but he's not very interested, he wants to be an engineer and wants to be hands on.

We definitely wouldn't let him join the army though

I live on a patch and it's fine - no worse than most streets. I like the security of the guards at the gate - it feels safe. You can apply for long term relationship to be recognised to make you eligible for surplus housing but one thing to consider is the availability of housing - as it is the 2 of you your eligibility would be for a 2 bed although you may get more depending on what is available.

Housing everywhere is tight at the moment so be prepared there may be a wait for availability after you put the application in.

Thank you. We know there is surplus housing on this base, and a two bed would be more than ample.

Well interservice rivalry is bigger than rank snobbery!

I made the original post about rank snobbery on that thread. Honestly...it came up about 5 times in 10+ years of Patch living, over 6 bases. Most of the time it was absolutely fine.

Also lots of NCOs are married to teachers, nurses etc. There can be little class difference between spouses. Amongst the serving personnel... its no different to management not really socialising with their call centre staff for example.

Engineer is a good career and very transferable!

To be honest I think the discussion about pros and cons is void.
for it to work both need to want to and he says he doesn’t so the idea is dead in the water isn’t it?

as for me having an opinion sorry no knowledge that could remotely help. Interesting thread though.

Thank you for the follow up. I do think my partner is overreacting a bit perhaps and it's been helpful to hear other perspectives.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't take offence easily (half the time I don't even realise any offence was intended, I just bimble along in my own little world) but he wouldn't take rumours or bitchy behaviour lying down, so I think if / when it did come up he'd find it much harder to deal with than me.

I have lived on two different patches and really it is the same as any other housing estate. I say hello to my neighbours if I see them and that’s it, I don’t know or care what they are up to and vice versa! Also depending on the size of the camp it is unlikely you will even live on the same road as anyone he works with.

I think the stories of bitchiness and caring about rank etc must be outdated from a time when wives had nothing going on for themselves.
Soldiers and their partners are just people, why would anyone care if their neighbours were one working class person and one middle class? It makes no difference! If you did want to make some friends though there is a lot of opportunity, it’s up to you if you take it (I never have as don’t feel the need).

One thing I will say is there is a stark variation in the quality of housing. You can opt to pay above your entitlement to get something nicer

Honestly the whole bitchy perception is such a myth, if you're not the kind of people to get into other people's business there really is no reason why people will pay you any attention if you don't want them to!

Tbh it's a really misogynistic, old fashioned perception due to women living in close proximity to each other and being competitive, in reality, it's like living on any other street.