Struggling with moods and newborn

[Babyshark9]

I had DC1 last week, I’m so sad because I feel like I’m already failing them. They had IUGR so had to be born slightly early and I already feel bad that I couldn’t grow a big enough baby. Because of the IUGR I was advised to have a caesarean birth but again I feel so guilty that I couldn’t do it the normal way.

Now we are really struggling with feeding, when DC was born I had to use formula straight away as they wouldn’t latch on the breast and are so tiny doctors were concerned about them. I think my milk came in Saturday and I’ve been expressing but feel like my supply might be drying up. We are getting help with the latch but it’s taking a while and in the meantime I have to bottle feed formula as DC is so small and needs to gain weight. So I’ve failed on feeding too.

Im not sure who to turn to for help, I love DC so much but am constantly bursting into tears, finding the cesarean recovery tough alongside lack of sleep. My DP is helpful but running out of patience with my moods being up and down. Family have been staying which is helpful but then I hate anyone else feeding my baby and we don’t get any alone time. I feel like there’s nothing I can do for my baby that others can’t do for him as well so I’m not even a real mother?

Are these normal feelings and will they settle down? Has anyone else felt like this?

Oh OP poor you! Afraid to say this is totally normal and it does improve! You have not failed at feeding. You are nourishing your baby. Formula is great. You didn’t ask for a tiny baby that couldn’t latch! Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all.

i spent at least three weeks in floods of tears after I had my DD. It was such a dark time, I shudder thinking about it! You’re full of hormones. Your life has been turned upside down, you’ve been through physical has emotional trauma and you are grieving the feeding experience you wanted.

Right now it’s all about survival. Do whatever you need. 3 glasses of wine? A packet of biscuits? Crying for 3 hours?? Do it.

In seriousness though please try to eat and drink water. Sleep when you can. And check out the fed is best foundation :)

Wow, you are so not failing your baby you are feeding them and loving them and caring for them and keeping them alive. You are amazing. I had a c-section (I was an older mum and under a consultant due to multiple miscarriages and thus been on progesterone and fragmin etc.) I also had to bottle feed from the very start - I got zero milk, none at all. It’s all new, it’s an odd transitional time, it felt a little surreal to me but just take each day at a time take in your surroundings and try to feel grounded. If you still feel overwhelmed do speak to your midwife team they are really there to help you if you need it. Huge congratulations to you. I wish I could rewind time and take in every second again no bad how it got at times (and it got bad with colic) it’s tough but ultimately it’s massively fucking worth it ❤️

This is so normal and I'm so sorry you're going through it as I remember it well from 9 months ago myself. I had an emergency section after 4 days botched induction, a baby who couldn't latch so couldn't breast feed (sever tongue tie) and I felt so cheated from everything I ever imagined about birth and the early weeks of having a baby. No golden hour. No newborn bubble. I cried every day, and I'm such a happy person usually so my husband was so worried and uoset himself about it all.

I promise its normal, and it'll pass with time. It's part of the maelstrom of hormones after giving birth. Dealing with losing yourself, caring for a baby when it isn't how you pictured and your life changing so much is huge! But it passes, for now be kind to yourself, make sure you are using any and all support offered you and don't be afraid to ask xx

Your doing a great job. Don’t feel bad about your role. Others have set out exactly what your going through really well so I won’t repeat all of that I just wanted to tell you that all of this is a process. A difficult one, part physical, part practical but in context of your babies life they are over quickly. Try to absorb the wonderful things and accept help when ever it’s offered, you all need care and support for a while. Lean on your midwives and health visitors that’s what they’re for. Speak to your doctor about your own health matters when ever they arise. Stay on top of that because if you’re unwell it affects all of your other experiences. It really is a one day at a time experience. You’re allowed to feel all up in the air because there’s a lot to take in with any infant but particularly with a small baby. Be kind to your self everyday. There’ll have to be give and take. You need some time for your self to nap, to have a bath perhaps but that means you might have to let someone else help with feed or cuddles or a walk to help with colic. Talk talk talk to others when you need to, a problem shared really is a problem halved, concentrate on operating on what you can change. You are an excellent mum in really challenging circumstances. Time is a fantastic improver of all the things that trouble you, sometimes, along with with all the practical steps, just time and more experiences through parenting help to build your confidence in yourself and your mothering. Lean on your partner, lean on your families where there will be lots of support for you all. A very practical help can be to ask them to cook you one pot meals that you can freeze so that in this hectic time you don’t need to worry about meals ready and all that entails. There are even companies who deliver such things. Freeing up time and pressure is the immediate benefit of doing that. I wish you well for the future and hope you experience much joy and love from your family, you can recover and move forward from here, I am living proof that you can and I promise that you will. But it isn’t a race, just keep taking one step at a time. Don’t compare yourself to others. Use our coming summer to get out in the fresh air when you can. It really eases your mind. I wish you all the very best. ❤

Awww it’s only been a week and totally normal to feel like this. It’s caused by the drop of hormones.

As a neonatal nurse, the IUGR aspect is very unlikely to be anything you have done. The doctors would have decided a c section was the safest thing for you and your baby so they could give the baby a little extra help to grow, which includes formula. A lot of our babies have formula top ups and if mum is lucky to produce enough milk to fully feed baby, then we usually give fortifier to also help them grow.

If you want to increase your milk supply I’d recommend pumping 8 times a day (hard work I know!) and to do one of those at night. The doctor can also prescribe domperidone but that would be a last resort after trying different expressing techniques. Keep hydrated as that will affect milk supply too. Hold baby close and do lots of skin to skin. That’s the best advice. But equally you need to look after yourself and your mental health and if baby is happy and growing well, on whatever milk they are having, then that is the most important thing.

You are a great mum. Now you are a parent, remember, if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.

So, are you drinking enough water? I changed from drinking glasses of water to pints of water. You want to feel like you are swimming on the inside.

What are you eating? You need as much protein as you can handle. I even ate steak for breakfast after one memorable night. Eggs, oats, dried figs - get it into you.

Rest. I know your sleep is broken etc and you look around the house and despair but if your energy isn’t going into resting so you make milk and nothing else, then you must.

Disclaimer, this is not medical advice but a lot of people take Blessed Thistle or Fenugreek. Blessed thistle gave me migraines but I took fenugreek capsules and then just the seed by the teaspoon for about 2 1/2 years. For some people, they take fenugreek until their wee smells like maple syrup. I took 2 tsp’s, 4 x day. My milk finally came in properly when dd was 7 weeks, a few days after I started the fenugreek. I needed to top up with formula until then.

Are you feeding for long enough? I followed the books and had a hungry baby. We, together, eventually settled on 45 minutes per boob with a nappy change at half time at each feed.

You are at very early stages and you have had a bad time. You need the allow the time to learn each other, try different things and find what works. You have this.