I messed up with this date and ruined things

[Onthechaiselonguealldaylong]

I got set up with him via a mutual friend. We'd met once or twice in a group setting, he seemed keen so I took the plunge and asked him for coffee, he then wanted my number .

We were texting daily and then went for the coffee. We were there about 2.,5 hours and had great conversation, he seemed to want to do it again.

Sent the usual got back ok texts.. the next day I thought 'what the hell' and hinted at a second date, something more date-like then coffee. I tried to phrase it in a way that allowed him to arrange the plans.

I was honestly expecting him to be up for it, I was pretty blindsided when I got a 'im busy' text.

That'll teach me. I should've just let things develop naturally, texting him suggesting a date was such a stupid idea that probably put him off.

Are you certain he isn’t just busy? Or was it a clear cut off?

No sadly he stopped texting me and didn't suggest a day so it was clear :( it's seriously my fault.

Sadly you have to let the guy arrange things it seems. It feels ridiculous even in your 30s to have to play these stupid games :(

It probably wasn't you suggesting another date which put him off. I'd he'd been keen after meeting 1 then he'd be happy with the idea of seeing you again regardless of who arranged it.

He probably didn't feel it on the date as much as you did.

Hopefully you are right.
Because it seems so bizarre to me, imagine having a date and thinking, oh I like this person. Then they text you suggesting another date and you think, eww, they suggested a date, how cringe, I'm definitely not interested in them now.
It doesn't make sense but I feel like some people still operate in that way :(

Have you seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You? Honestly if a guy wants to date you then you making the first move isn’t going to put them off. You didn’t do anything wrong at all by suggesting a date and most definitely didn’t mess up. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Don’t over think it. His loss.

Watch the film “He’s just not that into you” :)

You beat me to it 😂

They don't really. Sometimes, you will get a bored guy just out for a bit of fun that likes the chase. But those kind of relationships won't go anywhere except casual even if you play it perfectly.

When I met my husband I knew he was the one because there was no games and nothing was difficult, we were both keen and told each other so.

If all he's said is he's busy he's not into you OP. And he wouldn't have been without the text either. Don't worry about it. If you leave it a few days he might come back to arrange something else but if he does he'll only be offering a hook up. At least now you know.

I think you are overthinking this. Asking for a date won't have put him off if he wanted another date it will because he isn't keen. Thats ok and doesn't mean that you aren't a great catch, it just mean you weren't the one for him.

If I were you I'd continue to date and I'd be more upfront rather than less. I wouldn't play games. If you want a second date then ask.

Does anyone in their 30s think that way: 'eeew cringe'? Sounds pretty immature.

More likely, you got on well, but he didn't feel a spark. That's what happens with most dates. You don't need to play games, I'm fact, I'd strongly advise against it. The right person will be receptive and just as keen as you.

The kind of guy who “likes the chase” & would be put off by a woman initiating, would never have accepted your coffee date in the first place so that’s not what’s going on here. I don’t think that happens all that often anyway, if a guy truly likes a woman then he won’t be put off just because she shows an interest back.

To be honest & I mean this gently, it sounds like your ego is a bit bruised & you’re clutching at straws instead of accepting he just isn’t interested after the coffee i.e. it’s easier to put it down to “game playing” rather than him not being into you. I’m sure you’re lovely but sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right; it happens & it’s okay.

When it's right you won't need to think about who texts first, or who suggests what. It's just easy b because you both want to see each other as much as possible.

Personally I've never had that from "dating", only from organicallly getting to know people via work or hobbies and only after having known them for some time where feelings have already developed before getting romantically involved.

I agree, and he probably didn’t think “how cringe”,when you asked him out again, and it most likely didn’t put him off more. He already wasn’t interested. It happens.

Anyone who is into game play is more interested in dating for the ego boost rather than finding a partner. Sorry this one didn’t work out, but i think you’re better off finding out now rather than in a few weeks. I doubt he was the one.

Thank you, you've helped me to realise that I was just being stupid and that anyway, would I really want someone who's so easily put off?!

You definitely didn’t put him off by hinting at meeting up again. He just wasn’t the one, it wasn’t quite right. Hold your head up and move on. Don’t waste time pondering on this. Nobody worth their salt who was genuinely interested would turn down a date for the reasons you’re saying. And the most important part of that statement was “nobody worth their salt”. Who would want to be with someone you have to play games with?

I don't think he's playing games or been put off by you asking, why would he be if he accepted the first time? I think pp's are right unfortunately he's just not interested.

It’s a shame this one hasn’t worked out but it won’t be anything to do with you asking him on a second date. If he wanted to see you again, he’d have been glad you asked. It’s good you did, or you might have been strung along for weeks x

Thank you so much. I just need to stop buying into the whole 'all men love the chase'. I am not some sort of prey that needs to be caught by a predator.

Watching dating shows has really educated me on how often people will act like they're having the time of their life on a date then come back afterwards and say "nah, wasn't feeling it".

It's definitely not because you hinted at a second date!

You are bonkers. It didn’t stop because you suggested a second date rather than him. It stopped because he didn’t like you from the first date. Essentially people believe it’s rude to go ‘nah, not feeling it’ and get up and leave so they go ‘yeah, had a really good time, cool, must do it again’ when they have no intention. It’s to avoid awkwardness at the time. If he had of been into you he would have been relieved and leapt at you suggesting a second date.

Just let it go and find another fish.

And this is why I multidated. I had 3-4 on the go so if one disappeared I wouldn't notice or care. I didn't even kiss them so if there was someone who liked "the chase", they would have definitely had to work hard with me

Now with someone for 2.5 years and I still don't behave like a doormat

OP, let him go. The right one won't tell you he's busy

The 1950’s are calling, they want you back.